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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Symmy Offline
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Name: Symantha
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Everything - June 30th 2011, 02:03 AM

For the past I dont know how many years, everything goes wrong and everytime anything bad happens,, it feels like a peak. I wish it was a peak because after a peak is a resolution. My family has a very awkward relationship and we fight all the time. I mostly fight with my mom, like every other girl my age. But its worse. Its always about other people, and we fight every time I talk to my siblings it seems. But if I bring up the other sibling at all, she gets mad and denies that they did anything wrong. my brother is better at sports,, my sister is babied because she's handicapped (barely, she can still do everything normal), and my little sister gets attention because shes the cute little kid. But I'm older, more responsible, and almost an adult, and I get no credit! If anyone ever does something wrong, it eventually gets me in trouble. I don't want to hate my family, and I dont, I love them, but its hard when theres no love back, and no one is on my side ever.

When I fight with my mom, we have a stupid yelling match, and then she refuses to talk at all. I need to talk about the problem to resolve it in my head, and that's never an option. No I can't whine to my friends about it. Band is the only place where it really feels like family, and I give them the impression that I'm totally happy and peppy all the time. It's expected. I have a position of power there, and need to be there, and my mom tries to take away rehearsals as punishments! I can't let those two families intertwine! I always try to apologize, even when I don't do anything, and my mom won't listen to anything. And because she won't listen to anyone else, she blows things up in her head. I spilled some lemonade today, so she pulled the stove out and mopped everything. It's so stupid, and obviously there just to make me feel bad. Everyone lately gives me an impression of being stupid. My mom is too arrogant, and everyone follows her, and I wish people cared that I care.

My middle little sister has told me many times, even without fighting, that she just wants me to leave so she can have my clothes and my room. This is incredibly mean and selfish, so I don't feel like I should nurture it. But the only way to keep her off my back is to give her stuff.

I came upstairs just now to avoid a fight, and I found a note from my other sister that said "Dear Sym, Our family makes us sad! If you and Mom got along I might not have to always go into my room to hide and cry! with love, Sydney." She's the only one who cares, and once again she blames me.

I am falling apart. Conflicts aren't ever allowed to be resolved, I can't talk to anyone, and it frustrates me that no one else dwells on these fights. These isn't about how I can stop fighting. I already know what I do wrong. Its about how to stop stressing out about it so much. I'm only happy when I'm not home; I miss school.
   
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Re: Everything - June 30th 2011, 05:20 PM

Hey,,

I am the oldest of 5 siblings, so i sorta know how it feels to be blamed for every problem that happens. for me its a normal part of my life and i dont really think much of it, because i know that my siblings look up to me at the same time.

As for your sister saying that she wants your room and clothes, i think all little sisters are like that. be patient with her, she may be mean and selfish, but you are probably her role model. she may be going through a 'selfish phase'. try and change this by teaching her to give as much as she takes. give her little gifts every so often, rather than waiting for her to ask for things. gifts and presents always break barriers and nurture love. hopefully she will learn to give you little presents as well.

And your other sister, Sydney, sounds like a really caring person. I think you should sit down and actually talk to her about your problems with your mom. I think she'd understand and try to help. have a 'heart-to-heart' talk with her.

Try to sit down with your mom as well. What I would do: i would invite her out for a cup of coffee and some dessert (my mom loves that)
then i would start off the conversation somewhat like this: 'mom, you know i love you and respect you. and i dont understand why we've been having so many problems lately........'
and try and come to some sort of agreement with her there.

*sigh* family will always be family. hope i helped
   
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