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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy My best friend in the world - July 1st 2011, 05:37 PM

Im not sure what i should do. my BEST friend has been going through some really tough things, thing is i think she isnt thinking things over before shes doing them so it creates bad consuquences for her, and i've been helping her through them. Lately all we talk about is her. i have problems that she should help me out with also though and for it to be a good friendship i feel like i should have some room to tell her my problems and for her to help me as well. but she has no room bcuz her problems have been getting so bad lately. i've been getting more depressed bcuz i have no one to talk to about my feelings bcuz she was always there. now whenever were on the phone, its all about her. when i talk to her about my problems its like she doesnt care.
what should i do? i want her to know how i feel but i cant push her into the mood of "i guess i need to be quiet and stop caring about my problems bcuz she doesnt care" or other things.
i feel like i have no one to talk to about anything anymore.
   
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Re: My best friend in the world - July 4th 2011, 12:44 AM

Hey there, Thacia! I would try three things. First, why not tell your friend that you need her support just as much as she needs yours? It's great that you want to help her... but in order to help someone, you need to be of stable mind. If you have your own problems, and you have no way to work out those problems, then you won't be in any shape to help out your friend with her problems. When she sees things from your point-of-view, I'm hoping she'll make more of an effort to turn your one-way conversations into equal give-and-take/50-50 conversations.

If that doesn't work, why not find other outlets? Try talking to other people - you already reached out to us on TeenHelp, so that's certainly an option in the future! If you'd rather talk to someone in person, go for it. It could be a parent, a friend, a teacher or counselor (when school is in session), or even someone you haven't really talked to lately. For example, there are times when I'll vent to acquaintances... it can be helpful for me because they're an uninvolved third party, and it can be helpful for them because it allows them to become closer to me, thus bridging the gap between acquaintance and friend. Of course, you can't vent to just ANYONE, nor can you constantly vent to one person. That's why you need a network of people, not just one friend whom you rely on completely. It's also important to recognize which people are better equipped to listen to your problems - some people are good listeners, while others just want to have fun. There's nothing wrong with having different friends for different purposes, but it's important to know which ones you can turn to for different reasons. =)

Finally, if you have trouble making friends and meeting new people over the summer through clubs/organizations/recreational activities, try writing in a journal, drawing in a sketchbook, and doing other things to release your frustrations and work through your emotions. Sometimes, we have to find ways to cope with problems on our own. We can't always rely on other people. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, though! I'm just saying that there will be times when you'll be alone, or other people will be busy and can't come to your aid right away. When that happens, it's good to have a backup plan. =D





   
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