Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Wren Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
Wren's Avatar
Age: 27

Posts: 1
Join Date: July 8th 2011

Is this normal.. - July 8th 2011, 12:08 PM

I feel kind of guilty for being troubled by this, because I know alot of people go through much worse things with parents, compared to which, this is a minor complaint. Simply put though, I'm scared of my father.

I spent alot of my childhood being hyper aware of what sort of mood he was in and trying to avoid being yelled at/picked on. Basically, he was a bully. When he WAS in a mood, my younger sister and I would be shouted at for the smallest things, particuarly bad were the car rides to school in the morning. If he was running late, or one of us was in the kitchen when he wanted to use it, or we weren't quite ready when he wanted to go, then the car trip would be spent being called names (I remember stuff like "lazy useless b*tch") or listening to him complain about mum.

He never really physically hurt us, but there was a stage (I was about ten or so) where he would give me a couple of sharp (but not too hard) hits to the side of the head (which I eventually learnt to make an internal 'game' of dodging- if I cried in front of him then he 'won'- needless to say, I 'lost' alot) along with his tall, angry, intimidating routine. Even though he was never physically abusive, I was afraid sometimes that he WOULD do something to hurt mum or I- although looking back now I know it would never have happened. Mum, my sister and I did move out for a while because the way he behaved towards my sister and I, but had to come back for financial reasons. I'm still eighteen so I'll be living at home for a couple more years, I'm looking forward to the day I'll have my own place and won't have to worry anymore...

I still feel sick to my stomach when I hear loud voices or banging doors downstairs, even though dad hasn't behaved the way I described above for about three years now. I still feel the need to hide up in my room when I suspect he might be in a bad mood, and I still feel 'unsafe' watching TV or listening to music downstairs when he's home (I used to get yelled at for it being too loud- or too low- or just for not doing something more productive).

Thing is, I don't quite understand why it still affects me. Am I just being overly sensitive? What do I call this situation anyway? Is it normal for parents/kids relationships to be this way, and I'm making a big deal out of nothing?... this whole thing confuses me...


Last edited by Wren; July 9th 2011 at 12:49 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
PSY's Avatar
Name: Robin
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,034
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Is this normal.. - July 11th 2011, 06:48 AM

Hello, Wren. Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

My dad tends to get on my case a lot of the time - for reasons I can't quite comprehend. I guess you could say he likes to have things done a certain way and at a certain time, and if you don't jump up and immediately do what he wants, he gets upset. I don't always feel like I have a sense of privacy when I'm around him, because I never know when he'll tell me to do something.

Perhaps you're feeling a bit like me, because even though your dad has mellowed out over the years, he's still unpredictable. Or at least, you feel he is. It may help to talk to him - if he has really changed, then expressing your concerns shouldn't make him revert back to his old bullying tactics. You may feel more at ease after realizing that he's not going to attack you at any given moment. Hearing him actually say that he's sorry and he wants to do what's right could finally give you the closure you're looking for... or maybe he'll say something else that will give you peace of mind.

Whatever you decide to do (or not do), I wish you all the best. =)

Closed Thread



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.