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Spikey Offline
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Parent's and Job(s) - July 14th 2011, 11:39 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Right, I'm not exactly sure where this goes, but I'm going to put it here because my parents contribute to it

I am sixteen and have just left school after my GCSE's. My parents are insisting that I get a job and I have looked at a few places online, but both of them insist that I go into stores and ask for a job. That's fine. I wouldn't really have a problem with that, if I didn't have a fear of being surrounded by people.

I've told my mum this and she says tough, I have to get over it because I can't spend life avoiding people. People under 15, I don't mind, but anyone older, I feel really nervous and scared around. I get completely paranoid and if they get in my way, I want to hurt them.

So you can see why I wouldn't want a job. Also, I have a routine for everything I do - I even have the next ten years of my life planned out - and I hadn't thought that getting a job in a random shop would be something that I would have to do. Probably because I don't actually have that much common sense. I've told my mum and my stepdad about these routine's I have, and have been told that it's a embarrasing and pathetic excuse to get out of thing I don't want to do, which isn't true.

I have tried to explain my nerves in social situations to my parents, but they really don't understand and just think I'm being stupid. I self-harm and have OD'd in the past and I know that once I'm old enough, I am going to buy enough pills to give myself a lethal dose. So I don't see much point in all this - I just know that I have to carry on as if I'm going to live a normal life until I am old enough to buy those pills. No one else knows this, not even my councillor or my best friend.

I don't want to try and explain to my parents again - my mum just called me useless because I didn't know what to write for an application. And my dad wouldn't know what to do, he'd just ring my mum. My best friend would go 'yeah, I know what you mean' but wouldn't help me in any way and tell me to tell my councillor. My councillor would ask if there was anything my mum could do, which there isn't. It's just a fear that everytime I try to get over, gets worse.

I don't really why I'm posting this on here except it's really getting on my nerves and I needed to rant about it to somebody.

And she turns up the music, to drown out her life.

22/12/2014 was the last date I self-harmed. The longest I have gone so far is 1 year, 2 months and 5 days. This time, I hope I can give up! New record: 1 year 6 months! Yay!!
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Re: Parent's and Job(s) - July 15th 2011, 10:30 PM

Hey there. It sounds like you're going through a rough time right now. You're set on living your life in a certain way... but it also sounds like you're set on ending your life as soon as you're able to. You may not like what I have to say next - but I'd like to encourage you to talk to someone about how you're feeling. If you don't feel your parents will care or understand, then talk to someone whom you trust. Your best friend and counselor may already suspect something is going on, but they can't help you if you aren't willing to open up to them. Give them a chance. What's the worst thing that could happen? Life sucks a little more than it did before? Imagine all the good things that COULD happen, though, if the people in your life knew what you were going through and were willing to help you.

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