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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Am I overreacting? - July 15th 2011, 09:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hiya,
Basically, I've been friends with this girl for goodness knows how many years, at least 7! I haven't seen her in a while and she's asked me to go out with her tomorrow but I'm really not sure whether I should. I used to be with this guy (J) and well he was sexually abusive and ended up raping me several times. My friend, let's call her B knows this but she's still friends with J. She even asked me to go to the beach with her and I later found out HE was there too.
I feel hurt that she could still talk to him after everything he's done, even letting him play with her son! I feel like I don't want to go out as what sort of friend would do this?
Am I overreacting?
   
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Re: Am I overreacting? - July 15th 2011, 10:34 PM

You are NOT overreacting. Your friend is either completely unreasonable, or she doesn't fully understand what happened between you and J. If she didn't hear the entire story from you, then she may have just heard part of the story from other people. If she doesn't know you were raped, why not tell her and see how she reacts with this new piece of knowledge? If you are SURE she already knows the entire story, then I would tell her that you don't feel comfortable remaining friends with someone who condones rape. Sometimes, you have to be blunt with a person... that's the only way they can take a step back and realize, "Oh my gosh... what am I DOING?!"





   
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Re: Am I overreacting? - July 16th 2011, 01:14 AM

I don't think you are over reacting at all. You told your friend what he did to you, and she should respect you by not inviting both of you to the same place at the same time. Your friend may not take this seriously, or may not understand the severity of this (as Robin said). While you can't make her stop being friends with J, you can certainly talk to her about the situation and try to prevent something from happening like this in the future. I would talk to her. I would tell her what he did to you, how hurt you were when she invited him, how he affects you, etc. I would also tell her something like "I can't tell you who to be friends with, but in the future would you please not makes plans that involve both of us? I'm still hurt by the things that he did to me, and I'm not wanting to see him if at all possible." If she cang respect that, then she doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. You don't need the pain to be brought back. So rid yourself of her if she can't respect it!


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