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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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vrgtfvgt4vg Offline
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My family is convinced I'm a total loser - July 26th 2011, 07:29 PM

Last night I tried to do my summer homework with my dad supervising, and I started freaking out like I regularly do when I have to do my homework, fidgeting and getting distracted and flustered. They wanted me to finish the whole paper so I just started writing down whatever when he left.

I could hear them talking about how much of a failure I am and what they’re going to do with me. They’re kind of mad at me ‘cause I failed a class last year and they wanted me to do a sport so I ran for two days then gave up. I don’t go out with my friends. I pretty much sit in my room and sleep. I’ve tried to stop punching myself and I’ve only slipped up a few times, but I’ve been having screaming outbursts when I would usually be hitting myself. My mom gets all pissed at me for that and tells me what a brat I am and how my life is so perfect and I shouldn’t be upset.
They’ve been bothering me to get an extracurricular activity so I can get into college. My sister says I’ll need at least three clubs. She says orchestra doesn’t count. The only thing I’m good at is orchestra though. I don’t know how I’ll get all my homework done though because I can’t do it already. I know they’re going to pressure me to go to football games and dances and go out with friends.
Sorry for ranting so much, lol. I need advice.

Last edited by vrgtfvgt4vg; July 26th 2011 at 08:23 PM.
   
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Re: My family is convinced I'm a total loser - July 27th 2011, 04:56 AM

hey its ok to rant. lol

ok so your parents think your a loser. SO WHAT. my parents think im a lose and i have a lot of friends. your not a loser, your just yourself. be proud of being yourself. they pressure you into sports. so do mine. i just dont listen. try showing them that your not what they think. parents shouldnt even think like that. so maybe your good at music, well thats good, you could become a famous musician. be yourself, plain say no to what they want that you dont want. its your life. we all learn from mistakes so why not make them. everyone fails a class, maybe you werent that good at it. im not good with a couple myself. be yourslef tell them no. thats what i do. and im good, yeah they will force you but its your choice to do what they say or listen o your heart and go with whta you want.


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Re: My family is convinced I'm a total loser - July 27th 2011, 06:53 PM

You don't need to join three clubs in order to get into a good college. The QUALITY of your work is more important than the QUANTITY of your work. I got into one of the top 50 colleges in the nation, and I was only involved with two clubs. One was related to my major (volunteer work, peer counseling, etc.) and the other was a music club. You don't have to take 6 AP classes each year in order to get into a good college. I only took 2 - PERIOD. Finally, you don't have to be in any sports in order to get into a good college.

Your parents (and sister) are obviously overachievers. If they want to get involved in a ton of activities, great - but that doesn't mean YOU have to do what THEY are doing. Unfortunately, no matter how you try to explain your position, they probably will continue to push you to excel in multiple categories. You can either give in to the pressure and make yourself miserable, or you can firmly stand your ground and state that you have goals, you're going to achieve your goals, and you're going to achieve them in the way YOU want to achieve them.

With that being said... what ARE your goals? At 14 years old, I wouldn't expect you to have a major or career picked out, but what are you interested in doing with your high school years? You said you're interested in orchestra... do you plan to move up in the ranks by the end of your senior year? Do you think you might want to pursue a career in music someday? If so, then you need to dive into whatever it is you're doing. Staying home all day and not going out with friends isn't exactly healthy. It's okay if your goals are different from your parents' or your sister's goals, but it's important to HAVE goals (sleeping all day doesn't count). Whatever it is you decide to do, be productive. Become passionate, get motivated, and work toward achieving something that will make YOU happy.





   
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Re: My family is convinced I'm a total loser - July 31st 2011, 02:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
With that being said... what ARE your goals? At 14 years old, I wouldn't expect you to have a major or career picked out, but what are you interested in doing with your high school years? You said you're interested in orchestra... do you plan to move up in the ranks by the end of your senior year? Do you think you might want to pursue a career in music someday? If so, then you need to dive into whatever it is you're doing. Staying home all day and not going out with friends isn't exactly healthy. It's okay if your goals are different from your parents' or your sister's goals, but it's important to HAVE goals (sleeping all day doesn't count). Whatever it is you decide to do, be productive. Become passionate, get motivated, and work toward achieving something that will make YOU happy.
My dad is a very straight and narrow guy and my mom said he would never let me do something with music or arts. My mom said I'll find something I like to do and go to college, and I'll be able to concentrate better when I'm older and have better social skills. She said if I have low grades I could go to college to become a minister but I don't really want too. I don't dislike Jesus or anything but we hardly even go to church. I'm being forced to do a club for college.

Last edited by vrgtfvgt4vg; July 31st 2011 at 04:36 AM.
   
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Re: My family is convinced I'm a total loser - July 31st 2011, 08:52 PM

Do not leave your mom put words in your dad's mouth. Parents often speak their minds and claim it's what the other parent wants.

Even if he thinks arts are a waste of money, it isn't his life. If you don't stand up for yourself you will end up working a job you hate everyday until you die (Or retire I guess...) it doesn't matter what your family wants, because you won't always need their approval, but you always need your own approval.

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Re: My family is convinced I'm a total loser - August 6th 2011, 06:03 AM

It worries me though becuase they have to pay for it. Maybe I could go to a regular school with a music program.
   
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Re: My family is convinced I'm a total loser - August 6th 2011, 07:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Up In The Clouds View Post
It worries me though becuase they have to pay for it. Maybe I could go to a regular school with a music program.
Do they? If you have your heart set on a particular college or program, then I don't see why you can't take out student loans, apply for grants, and get a part-time job while in college. =) In any case, I think it's WAY too soon to worry about how you're going to pay for college. You're only 14 years old. First things first... figure out what you love to do and how you're going to do it later on in life!





   
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