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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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PeacexOne Offline
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Humiliated. - July 28th 2011, 03:36 PM

I don't really care who reads this, I just need to vent as there are no avenues for it in real life. It’s my dad, I was just at a dinner where he completely humiliated me in front of my stepmother/stepbrother and distant relatives. I've been having trouble at school and told him privately. He laid it all out for everyone there saying there must be something wrong with me, calling me mentally deficient and how there isn't one "saving grace" about me for a whole hour. The thing is I wouldn't really mind this if it was just us two, but the fact that it was on display for people I hardly know to see was mortifying. Worst of all I couldn't control myself and started blubbing at the end, now I'm alone and I feel like a worthless idiot. Even though I haven't been living with him for awhile he still makes me feel like the worst scum of the earth. He has a lot of friends with kids and openly compares me to every one of them, the other person always being infinitely better no matter what the subject. Up until this day I have done everything he wanted me to just so he wouldn't make those comparisons, but it never ends. He use to beat me too, grabbing my arm so I couldn't run away then repeatedly punching me, throwing things at me, destroying my possessions was regular when I still lived with him and the everyday belittlement when he wasn't completely ignoring me just built up bit by bit. He rarely gets physical now, but only because he doesn’t see me as often (and he wouldn’t do it in front of my stepmother.) I’m always uncomfortable when I’m with them in a group as he’d turn into someone else, calling me “honey” and putting his arms around me like we’re all friendly. Then it all goes to hell when something rubs him the wrong way and he starts raving about how worthless people like me would be better off dead. It's not even that he's trying to discipline me, I think he actually resents me. I have once asked him in all seriousness that of all the people in the world, does he truly think I was the worst kind there is and he without any hesitation replied yes. I hate him and I hate myself for all these toxic feelings I am harboring. All I want to do right now is look him in the eyes and tell him he's wrong about me, like that’s going to make any difference. I know I probably sound stupid and juvenile but the fact is there is no one else I can talk to. I’ve developed this complex where I’m terrified of any sort of judgment. Even people who I use to be comfortable around I now have trouble talking to because it feels like I’d be scrutinized somehow. I just want to like myself again and forget everything he ever said about me. Well, I think I’ve ranted long enough, if you’ve read this far I thank you immensely for your time.
   
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Re: Humiliated. - July 28th 2011, 03:53 PM

Hey there. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I don't think you're being juvenile at all. You have every right to feel the way that you do. I would feel the same way if I was being treated like that. I normally would advise talking to your dad about everthing. About how you feel, the effect his actions have on you, etc. But your dad seems pretty set in his ways. If I were you, I would tell him he is wrong, and tell him that you're not the person he thinks/says you are. Also, do you live with him? Maybe you can live with a relative (grandma, mom, aunt, etc.). If that's not doable, and the abuse (verbally and physically) continues, then I think you should call the police. I know how hard it would be to do that, but you deserve to live in a safe enviornment. Also, you say you don't have anyone to talk to. What about a guidance counselor at school? They are very nice, and can really help. Take care of yourself <3


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Re: Humiliated. - July 28th 2011, 04:24 PM

Thank you, I'm very grateful for your reply. Sorry if it wasn't clear before but I'm not actually living with him anymore. I occasionally visit so ties aren't completely severed but I've been staying with mum since my step family moved in. Still some things never change and I guess I needed to get it all off my chest tonight. It's really helped, thanks again.
   
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Re: Humiliated. - July 28th 2011, 05:09 PM

Well if I may say something slightly offensive:

Your dad was being a major ass. He had no right to talk about your private problems, and to be honest since you are no longer living with him, if he ever does that again, start mentioning he has an alcohol problem. It's not true, but I garuntee you that he'll shut up.

He had no right to abuse you in the past, and he has no right to be cruel to you now.

- Justin



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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: Humiliated. - July 28th 2011, 05:13 PM

I really don't advise saying that to your dad. Bringing up his alcohol problem could only anger him more, and put your safety at risk. Plus, if you're trying to show him that you're worth more than he treats you, then stooping down to his level will make doing that harder. Good luck


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Re: Humiliated. - July 28th 2011, 11:48 PM

Amoroso: She doesn't live with him, and could just as easily cancel visits. I mean he has no right to still be controlling her and abusing her. I think that severing ties with him might be best if all he does is abuse her.

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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: Humiliated. - July 29th 2011, 01:23 AM

I completely agree with cutting ties. I don't agree with stooping down to his level.


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Re: Humiliated. - July 29th 2011, 09:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amoroso View Post
I completely agree with cutting ties. I don't agree with stooping down to his level.
Point taken. At least we agree that her father is not a healthy influence.

- Justin



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Technologic
   
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