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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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Name: Anna
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Unhappy What am I supposed to do??? - August 8th 2011, 05:20 PM

My mom and me get along pretty well. At least I thought so.

Usually I'm pretty quiet, and don't say much. I don't complain, I don't tell my mom any of my problems because I usually either deal with them myself or come on here and talk about them.

Well, I lost weight over last school year. Quite a bit, actually, because I was eating healthier, getting more exercise, and whatnot. I didn't even have to try, because I got all my exercise just walking around the school, and the school didn't have any snacks for me to devour.

So, this summer starts. In two months, I've gained back half the weight I lost during the school year. I'm not as fit as I used to be, I have love handles, and I absolutely hate the idea of going back to school chubby again.

The other day, my mom took me shopping at the mall. I was highly upset because I had to buy jeans that were a full size above what I used to be able to buy, and they were still rather tight on me. So I got a little grumpy -- I was on my period, anyway, which didn't help at all -- and when we got back to the car, I just shot off my mouth and told her that I felt like I needed to lose some weight and that all my clothes look ridiculous, no matter what size I buy, because I'm so f***ing fat.

Now my mom's treating me terribly. She told me the other day that she's afraid to leave me at the house alone, because she's afraid I'm going to hurt myself. Which I'm not going to do, but it still hurt me, anyway, that she'd think I was capable of such a thing just because I told her I needed to lose weight.

Just like every other time I've tried to tell her anything, I've opened up about something that I'm sensitive about, and while I'm sitting there crying, she's ignoring that I feel like crap and ignoring the fact that it's my feelings, not hers, that matter in my life.

Over this weekend, she and my family went to visit my cousin and his family in Richmond. We walked around the mall. I'm allergic to cinnamon, just the smell of it, even, but not deathly allergic to it. I took a little bit of medicine, and said I'd be alright -- she kept trying to tell me I needed to take a Benedryl. She told everyone around that would listen that I couldn't go around the food court because there was cinnamon there, even though I told her numerous times I could just walk through it and get past it and be fine.

She still insists on worrying everyone to death, and blowing everything out of proportion. My dad took my side, and so did my aunt Wanda, even. They talked to me about it, even though I was angry, and I was quite cheerful. Then my mom comes back over and starts saying I can't go past the cinnamon, and I get fed up and just stick to my dad or my aunt the rest of the trip.

My mom doesn't trust me at all. She tells me that the only reason I feel like a prisoner in my house is because I don't want to go anywhere. The reason I don't want to go anywhere is her, and I've told her that, too. And now it's starting to get where the other reason is because I'm no longer as skinny as I used to be, and I want to lose weight. I also want to be a vegetarian after seeing a video of how animals are treated on farms online (and because I want to be healthier), but I get absolutely no support, and my mom thinks I'm crazy.

She told me she's going to take me to a psychiatrist if I didn't stop. She told me today that my behavior reminds her of her mother -- who she loathes. She told me that she was going to send me to live with my mamaw. She told me that if I 'complained' about wanting to be healthier again, she was going to take me a hospital and let them deal with it. Empty threats, all of them, but they still hurt.

And now I can't even go to my grandma's to get away from her, because my grandma -- my dad's mom, not my mom's -- treats me like I'm evil because I'm different. She knows I don't believe in God. I don't know if she knows I'm gay or not, but it wouldn't surprise me if she did.

I can't trust her, I can't trust my mom. My best friend has limited internet access, I don't get to talk to my boyfriend -- that I don't even care about romantically. My grandpa works all the time, and he's got enough trouble, dealing with my grandma and aunt Brittni. My dad works full time, not to mention has to drive an hour every day to get to his miserable job, and I wouldn't want to trouble him with it. But sometimes I just want to hug my dad and tell him everything that my mom says when he's not home and cry until I feel better again. But I don't quite know how he would react, either.

So I guess I'll just sit on my bed and listen to Joy Division and cry and be all by myself, like usual.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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SnapCracklePop Offline
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Re: What am I supposed to do??? - August 8th 2011, 09:39 PM

Aaw, I'm sorry that you're feeling bad.
From how your mum's acting, it sounds like she's worried about you, and cares a lot but doesn't really know what to do.
I think when you mentioned how you felt fat, she jumped to the conclusion of an eating disorder or low self esteem, or.. anything, really. Maybe you should try sitting down and telling her you would just like to be as healthy as possibly.
As for the cinnamon thing.. it must be annoying, but I think parents can over react in situations like that.
I think you might feel better if you went out and spent some time with other people. I know it's hard when everyone's away, but meeting new people can really help. A sport or dance class would help with the keeping-healthy thing too, which would be good.
or you could try things like goign for a run, drawing, reading, whatever you like to do. You're welcome to PM me if you need anyone to talk too.
I hope you feel better soon.
~Annie <3


"Everytime you smile, I smile
And everytime you shine, I'll shine for you."
~Taylor Swift

PM me anytime, Love Annie
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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August 9th 2011, 04:26 PM

Yeah, I've thought about doing something like that. I was looking into a karate/self defense class, because I quite like fighting, and thought it would be nice.

But she won't let me out of her sight. Never. It took me until my freshman year of high school to convince her to let me go to school -- she'd homeschooled me for five years, practically held me prisoner in my own house, and she's going to keep me from going anywhere or doing anything with anyone other than herself, if she can. She won't even let me go anywhere with my aunts or grandma, anymore.

She posted a thing on Facebook today asking people to pray for her, because of me. I haven't done anything wrong, except for act grumpy on my period, which everyone does. And ever since then, she's called me inconsiderate and irresponsible and unloving.

I feel like crying, but I'm not crying in front of her.

And now she says she's leaving home this evening. I have a feeling she means it.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.




Last edited by PSY; August 9th 2011 at 06:33 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
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