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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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banana_face77 Offline
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Unhappy Is it too much to ask? - August 10th 2011, 05:15 AM

So I have these two "best friends" who seem to have forgotten the meaning of friendship.
This summer, I spend two months living with my aunt and working. I missed my friends a ton and a ton and couldn't wait to get home to see them. One of the friends happened to be working at camp for 5 weeks so she would be gone as well.
Before I left, these two friends had already decided to pretend that I left and made friends with these other girls and never invited me to their get-togethers. I simply was already gone. I thought, whatever, it's all part of the process of leaving and I'll have to get used to it. So I left and tried to move on from it, because surely I was overreacting.
I get back and land in the airport and neither of them were able to make it to pick me up. I realized that was a lot to ask, so I let it fly by. My first day back was alright because the one at camp had gotten back the day before and had cheer practice and the other was dropping her sister off at college.
The one who was dropping her sister off at college, we'll call her Alice. Alice ditched me that night for her boy interest because he didn't want Alice to see me. I thought that was a little sketchy but she's boy crazy so I should get used to it.
The other one who was at camp, we'll call her Sally. I went over to Sally's house that night at 9 because it was the only time she was available and just cried at how much I missed her and how I felt like today was terrible because I was doing the same ol' sitting in my room alone, like I did before I left. She reassured me she wasn't gonna let that happen.
But people always find a way to let you down.
The next day my teacher (who is super close to me, like BFF material) texted me and said she ran into them and one of their new friends at a park. Funny, I was sitting at home by myself all day when I got this text. I guess they had talked to my teacher and said they had been hanging out all day (this was at 6:30 pm). They hadn't even thought about inviting me and hadn't texted or talked to me all day. Mind you, this was only 2 days after I got back. I had only seen Sally, not Alice. We were supposed to all be best friends. Alice, however, made a point to see Sally right away because she had missed her so much. What made me different? It's kinda just like a stab in the heart when your best friends don't make a point to see you because they've moved on. or just gotten used to your absence.
Is it really too much to ask for them to simply think about me to invite me? or am I overreacting.

I have a problem with asserting myself and standing up for myself, so neither of them know of the emotional turmoil.

I just don't know what to do. This seems like the last straw. I let too many things pass byl.
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Re: Is it too much to ask? - August 10th 2011, 07:44 PM

Hello, Elisa!

Been there, done that. Seriously. This is kind of the story of my life, haha! Here's the bottom-line: if your friends won't come to you, then you have to go to them. Being assertive may not come naturally to you, but it's something you'll have to work on anyway. It's important to be assertive, both with friends and other aspects of your life. If you want something, you need to stop waiting for other people to read your mind and tell them what you want. So call your friends, and ask them what they're doing this weekend! =) If they are really your friends, they'll either make plans to see you this weekend, or tell you when they are free and make plans for a day that works for both of you.

If they continue to brush you off, then you'll need to find new friends and occupy yourself by other means. Yup, this is where the assertive aspect comes into play. I was like you - I didn't want to take risks, I didn't want to try new things, and I stayed home and sulked when people didn't make the effort. What I realized, however, was that I needed to make the effort if I wanted people to do the same for me! So I joined some clubs/organizations and made several phone calls. I was nervous at first, but now, I am sooo glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. I have a full schedule - I don't have TIME to feel sorry for myself! =) And most of my friends would be jealous of the life I have now, haha. I don't have time for THEM!

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Re: Is it too much to ask? - August 11th 2011, 06:52 AM

Hey Ive been there sone that. Ur not overreacting that's not a way to be treated especially from your best friends. Try talking to them tell them how you feel and see how they react if they are good friends then they would apologize and be better friends but if they continue to ignore you then just move on it's going to be hard trust me but take it one step at a time there not worth ur time you will find friends who will be there for you even when you leave you don't deserve this no one dose but it happens just stay strong
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Re: Is it too much to ask? - August 11th 2011, 07:36 AM

You cant blame them for not knowing how emotionally affected you are since you said you cant stand up for yourself and say it. I think the main issue is your lack of assertiveness because your friends brushed you off and you haven't done anything about it. Since they are more assertive, they may expect you to initiate conversations and get-togethers, otherwise they may feel you don't want to be around them. They have some fault as well in that they dismissed you for newer friends and pretended you already left. This may be a reflection that your friendship is weaker than you thought it was.

In sum, you're not innocent, you're guilty of not standing up for yourself and being too passive. They're guilty of ignoring you when you were still there in place of a new friend.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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