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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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You have my respect, until you don't have it. - August 18th 2011, 03:01 AM

I was having a debate with someone last night about how we view people we don't know. I don't want to say strangers, because that implies literally anyone, someone walking past you on the street is a stranger.

But say you're out in a social gathering. You have your friends there. But there are other people too, new people.

How do you view new people? Are you trusting of them, and do they have your trust and respect even though you have yet to know a single thing about them? Or, are you more cynical and have your reservations until you've actually spoken to them, as if there is no reason yet for you to be trusting and respectful of them?

Now, when I say respectful, I don't mean in the sense that having no respect means you spit at them. Rather, I mean having a positive view of them from the get go, without knowing anything about them.

It's 4am here so if this doesn't make as much sense to you as it does to me, I apologise.




   
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Re: You have my respect, until you don't have it. - August 18th 2011, 03:22 AM

I don't link trust with respect.

I respect (I am courteous to) those I meet until they are disrespectful to me.

Trust comes with a prolonged relationship and only goes to strangers who are also authority figures (teachers, policemen, doctors).
   
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Re: You have my respect, until you don't have it. - August 18th 2011, 05:56 PM

I think you have to have a positive light going into these gatherings unless you've heard otherwise about these new people.

Figure that the new people are there because you share a common bond, whether it's interests or friends. If someone hasn't given you a reason to not show respect towards them, then you should give respect to that person. You're more likely to gain something from that person if you have a positive view of them from the get-go.

I am a shy and cynical person at times, so I do have some reservations when showing interest or sending positivity towards someone.
   
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Re: You have my respect, until you don't have it. - August 18th 2011, 05:59 PM

I second what Maeve said about separating trust and respect. For me, trust is something you have to earn. It's not enough that you be my friend... I need to know that you are reliable, and it can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years to determine whether or not a friend has earned my trust. So if I meet someone for the first time at a party, they do NOT have my trust. They do, however, have my respect until they do something to prove they don't deserve it. And when I say I "respect" someone, I don't mean that I think the world of them right off the bat. It's more like I'm friendly, but neutral, toward people I'm meeting for the first time. The amount of respect I have for someone I'm meeting for the first time can slide up and down on a scale - the more positive interactions I have with them, the more respectful I will be toward them at future gatherings. After a certain number of negative interactions, I'll write them off, saying "hello" at future gatherings and immediately ignoring them for the duration of those events. I guess you could say that high levels of respect will lead to friendship, and high levels of reliability will lead to trust.





   
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