TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Magic. Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Magic.'s Avatar
 
Name: Poppy
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Brisbane

Posts: 1,441
Join Date: January 16th 2009

Being selfish - September 2nd 2011, 10:28 AM

Sorry this is a long one ...
I have a friend who just got out of juvie, he stabbed his ex (not fatally, 3 small wounds to her arms/legs, not that that makes it any better). He's been inside for almost 4 years, and really regrets what he did. I was very depressed at the time and has had through that.
The thing is now he's out he's relying on me. I live in Aus now and he's in the UK. He was told by some people that his ex had pictures of him on facebook and was asking me what it meant etc etc. And a few of our friends have (understandably) cut him off. I want him to be happy and get on with his life, which he seems to be doing well ... but whenever something comes up, whether it's her, or issues with colleges / work, or his family he wants to talk to me. And that would be fine, apart from the fact it's all the time. He facebooks me even if I'm only on a few seconds to check mail, saying he desperately needs to talk, calls me despite time differences a few times a day.
I feel awful but I can't deal with it all. I know he's gonna have trouble adjusting to the "real world" again, but I can't be there for him all the time. I have a lot going on with me, I have a lot of health problems at the moment, work commitments, uni work to do, and my own social problems to deal with. I want to be a good friend to him but the constant neediness is making me want to ignore him ...
Any advice on how to be a good friend, but tell him to back off a bit? I hate being so selfish but I just can't handle this right now


You can't move mountains by whispering at them.

Take a look at my art here:
http://attemptedart.tumblr.com/
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Stupidity Kills
Outside, huh?
**********
 
OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!'s Avatar
 

Posts: 4,500
Blog Entries: 10
Join Date: December 19th 2009

Re: Being selfish - September 2nd 2011, 04:05 PM

You're not being selfish at all. Tell him exactly what you posted here, that you have various health problems, work, university and social ailments to deal with, so you have little free time for anything. Tell him you will help him out with a few things to start but you'll wean him off and have him be more independent. Also, tell him that it's no problem if he talks with you, but make it more about conversations as opposed to one-sided "help me please" requests. Lastly, tell him you'll be there for emergencies and ensure he understands what an emergency is, from the sounds of it, nothing he has said to you constitutes an emergency.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
SparklingWine's Avatar
 
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 27
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,230
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Being selfish - September 2nd 2011, 05:38 PM

I don't think you're being selfish at all. You just need to tell him how you feel about this situation. Tell him that you're his friend, and you're here for him, but at the same time, you have other things in you're life going on too. Tell him exactly what you told to us. YOU have to come first. It's great that you're trying to be a good friend to him, but make sure you're taking care of yourself too. Good luck<3


  Send a message via AIM to SparklingWine Send a message via MSN to SparklingWine  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Magic. Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Magic.'s Avatar
 
Name: Poppy
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Brisbane

Posts: 1,441
Join Date: January 16th 2009

Re: Being selfish - September 2nd 2011, 08:42 PM

I've told him about being really busy and sick and hardly having any time, my subtle way of saying "back off a bit" but all he said was "oh that sucks" and carried on. Guessing I need to be more obvious than that.
He even dictates what I say. Like he complained that his ex has new friends at uni and a boyfriend, and he has basically noone, I brushed it off and said I'd met her friends and boyfriend and they were all dull. He then snapped at me and said not to talk about her new boyfriend when he was the one who brought it up. Things like that just make me annoyed with him, but when I point out he brought it up, expecting him to understand he just says "well you should know what you can/can't say around me" ...
Sorry for the rant I'll try talking to him when I next can and explaining things to him more clearly.


You can't move mountains by whispering at them.

Take a look at my art here:
http://attemptedart.tumblr.com/
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
selfish

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.