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Exclamation Help! im almost an adult... - September 12th 2011, 09:28 PM

ok so long story short, ill be 18 in one week and now i have to make some decisions that can change everything. My parents are cool with me living at home past 18 but i have to live by thier rules and shit. i honestly have no real connection to my family, they arent abusive or anything, i just never felt like i fit in and ive never truley loved them. I just found out my grandpa is in the hospital and my family is all torn up and i really dont care (that makes me feel bad tho, i should care right?).

I have a boyfriend and i wanna live with him, he wants to live with me too.... honestly we are engaged. nobody knows tho and we are seriously considering eloping in a few weeks. We both agreed that we'd be happy to just live in a van together if we have to. my parents dont understand me and honestly i think they make my depression worse. they judge me for not being a christian and constly say they failed me and im going to hell. They love me and all... but i just dont wanna be here anymore.

sooo... im not sure why im posting this. I guess i want advice, opinions, encouragement, ridicule, anything you wanna tell me wether its for or aginst my ideas. please, im just confused and kinda scared for my future. Feel free to PM me too if you think u can help if you have a better explination from me. this is just kind of a ramble. thanks


"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." -Ida Scott Taylor
   
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Re: Help! im almost an adult... - September 14th 2011, 01:39 PM

Everybody reaches a time when they're ready to leave home and it sounds like you're there. 18's a good time to be on your own, and having a bf to move in with sounds like a good thing to do. You can announce your engagement at the same time you tell them so that might make things a little easier for everybody.

You will have to take care to manage your depression and get appropriate treatment and bear in mind that any big change like that is going to cause some stress - and hopefully some happiness, too. Looking back on it, I think it's important to have a goal other than just leaving home: I suggest making a "3 year plane" like think of what you want to be doing three years from now and start doing things to make it happen.


Good luck in the coming weeks. Turning 18, getting out on your own, moving in with your bf, getting engaged: these are all big changes, but don't be afraid of them because they're things that everybody does. Your family will still love you, and you will begin to realize they're just people and make mistakes, too, and you will be closer to them in the future.


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Re: Help! im almost an adult... - September 14th 2011, 03:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
Everybody reaches a time when they're ready to leave home and it sounds like you're there. 18's a good time to be on your own, and having a bf to move in with sounds like a good thing to do. You can announce your engagement at the same time you tell them so that might make things a little easier for everybody.

You will have to take care to manage your depression and get appropriate treatment and bear in mind that any big change like that is going to cause some stress - and hopefully some happiness, too. Looking back on it, I think it's important to have a goal other than just leaving home: I suggest making a "3 year plane" like think of what you want to be doing three years from now and start doing things to make it happen.


Good luck in the coming weeks. Turning 18, getting out on your own, moving in with your bf, getting engaged: these are all big changes, but don't be afraid of them because they're things that everybody does. Your family will still love you, and you will begin to realize they're just people and make mistakes, too, and you will be closer to them in the future.
Pose the same situation to two reasonable adults, and get two entirely different perspectives. Here's mine.

Everyone leaves home, but the issue isn't so much the departure as much as it is the arrival at your new destination, adulthood. The goal isn't so much the former, as much as it is the latter: You want to go to something that is better than what you're leaving, not leaving just for the sake of leaving a bad situation. Rarely is the unknown better than what you're accustomed to (unless there's some physical threat, which there isn't here).

So, regardless of your legal status as an adult (which is more symbolic the moment the calendar turns you 18), or the availability of a a boyfriend, the task here really is preparedness (which is not the same as eagerness or desirability!). Are you prepared, or just eager?

If you have all the things that are most correlated with adult success.....a steady job that pays enough to live independently, have saved up enough money to live, have found a decent place to live, have worked out a relationship with your b/f that's more than just entertaining or recreational (or convenient), etc., etc., then it's a good time to plan your exit.

In the absence of that, then, no, it might not yet be time to leave, your efforts are best spent in preparation for the separation. The task here isn't to just do what feels right, but to make that decision on what's actually right, which is what separates teenagers often impulsive decision making process (and outcomes!) from the thought and planning that typically go into more adult decisions.

Personally, I'm hearing more want and desire than actual preparedness.


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Re: Help! im almost an adult... - September 14th 2011, 05:21 PM

Just make sure you consider practical concerns before you leave. The economy is not so good right now; it is still hard to get a job. Consider where you will be staying, how you will pay for food, to see a doctor, etc. You can't live in a van forever; at some point you will want a house or at least an apartment, health care, etc.

I am not saying you should not leave. I am just saying you should think about these things and make plans for them before you go out on your own.

Also, I don't think you should just elope with him. If it is what you want to do, then do it, but don't be ashamed of it or try to hide it from others or your family. Tell them what you are doing and at least give them a way to contact you.



   
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Re: Help! im almost an adult... - September 14th 2011, 08:32 PM

I think that if you're unhappy in your current living situation, and you can do something about it, then you should move. I'm nineteen, and moved out of my mom's house around July. I moved in with my boyfriend, and now we're moving into a house this weekend. I think all kids reach a point where they are ready to move. And you're going to be nervous. But it's only normal to feel that way. However, you need to plan for all your bills. You need to get a job. I disagree with living in a van. Ultimately will you be happy with that? You will have no way to shower, no way to cook, no space to be alone if you need alone time, no bathroom, etc. It sounds difficult. You need to make sure that you are ready for that. Really, really ready. My suggestion to you is endure living at your parent's house a little while longer. And in this time, get a job. Save up money and then move into a small apartment. Starting your life when you move out is always difficult, but it's doable. Don't sell yourself short by living in a van. Start your life out right. :]


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