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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
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No one ever told me my friend was suicidal. - September 17th 2011, 02:16 PM

When I was seventeen, one of my best friends, K, tried to kill herself several times. One time at lunchtime in school, but our two friends found her in time.

No one ever told me this. I didn't know things were that bad with K until another friend told me that she had been admitted to hospital.

K is doing really well now, and as far as I know hasn't attempted suicide in the last couple of years. But I still feel horribly hurt and angry that no one ever told me one of my best friends was suicidal.

I've never talked to my friends about this, or anyone really ~ I'm afraid of getting too upset, plus we've all drifted apart a little now. And I was always worried they'd think that I was trying to make it all about me when obviously it was about K. But I stopped trusting them all when I found all this stuff out, and stopped confiding in them. Every so often I think of it and feel really down.

I know it was three years ago but I still feel so hurt. Why did no one trust me enough to tell me?? I'm a good listener and before this people used to confide in me about a lot of things. Once, a few months after her session in a psychiatric hospital I texted her to ask why she wasn't in class and she replied 'Oh I tried suicide again so I'm in hospital....did no one tell you??'
I don't know what would be more hurtful, the idea that K asked people not to tell me or that she simply forgot to let me know. Or that all my other friends kept this from me. I've suffered some bad depression myself (although I have never had suicidal intentions) so surely they didn't think I wouldn't understand??

I'll forget about it for a long time and then I'll suddenly remember and hate my schoolfriends. Please help.

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I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No one ever told me my friend was suicidal. - September 17th 2011, 02:28 PM

There can be a number of answers to your question, why didn't they tell you. But they are the only ones who can give you the right answer!
Apart from this incident has there been any other incident when people hesitated to tell you stuff? You must have had more friends before and after this particular incident.
If there has never been such an incident apart from this particular friends then I think the problem lies within them, not you. Maybe you just weren't meant to be with them.

"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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Re: No one ever told me my friend was suicidal. - September 19th 2011, 08:32 PM

I am sorry they felt they couldn't tell you, they should've known better to trust you. They can't assume you're picture perfect and would shun her/them for being suicidal and helping her out. She definitely should have told you, it's a bit hypocritical if you ask me. People judge people who are suicidal, but someone suicidal judging someone who's not. That's not right. It's ok to let your mind wander and hate them, maybe you could talk to them and tell them what they did hurt you and still hurts you, even three years later.
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Re: No one ever told me my friend was suicidal. - September 19th 2011, 08:59 PM

There could be a million different reasons as to why no one confided in you. Maybe they felt that you weren't approachable. Maybe your friend was embarrassed. Maybe your friend didn't want to tell anyone. There could be tons of reasons. I wouldn't take it personally though. I'm sure you're a fantastic friend. I'm also sure that why no one told you has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with your friend that was suicidal. I wouldn't take it personally. I know that you're hurt by all of this, but I think it would be best for you to move on. Your friend is doing well now (Which is great), and it happened three years ago. It sucks that they didn't tell you, but you should move forward. It might be hard, but I feel it's necessary. no point feeling upset over it. Just learn from it. Though if it continues you bug you, I suppose you can always ask why no one told you. But remember, suicide is a very touchy subject, so try to approach the conversation with ease.

Take care<3

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Re: No one ever told me my friend was suicidal. - September 20th 2011, 04:18 AM

I think K would have been willing to confide in you since she answered the text message honestly by saying she's in the hospital. To me, this suggests K and you had a strong enough relationship for her to answer you. It's impossible to answer why your other friends didn't tell you of K's situation. Perhaps they felt you weren't able to handle it, perhaps they felt you weren't receptive about it, perhaps you were too busy, perhaps you weren't around when K attempted, etc... . I don't think it's necessarily a reflection they were bad friends or your relationships with them were weak. The answer can lie within you just as much as it can lie within them.

The important thing is this isn't a recent event, it's three years old, it's irrelevant now. You can ask your friends about it but you should just move on.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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