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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Brillyx Offline
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Exclamation Someone please help out - September 22nd 2011, 01:58 AM

So I am a sophomore at my high school this year, I know everyone and I'm sure everyone knows me, because I actually am quite popular and well-known around the school.




Last year I was in classes that were way different than this year. Last year I had a good friend of mine to talk to, and generally all the kids in the classes were nice kids.




This year however, I am in my classes with a bit of a rougher bunch. While they are still all nice kids, they are more edgier and tougher then last years. They don't agree with much of what I say, and a lot of them like to stay more towards football and hunting. Now I know a fair amount about both of those topics, but thats not the point. The point is I am not used to the more tough side of the kids. Last year I never really talked with them much, friendly, but didn't talk with them. But now I will have to get used to it because I am with them the whole year! Any advice on how to deal with people who you feel like you have nothing in common with?


Another issue I have is my one friend Tyler. His main problem-he is arrogant and cocky. He is still one of the kids at the school that everyone likes, but he is annoying to me. I am friends with him, almost good friends since I have all my classes with him this year, but he can be upsetting and annoying a fair amount

For example, he will punch me randomly or pinch me, I never show any signs that it hurts, but it does hurt a bit. Not to the point where I cry or anything, but still, just normal hurt. Tyler also pushes my books off my desk sometimes, or will take my pencil away and keep it for a few minutes. He also has a bit of an attitude. He will make fun of someone in front of a group or mock someone else who may be saying something or doing something. I am never always the subject of this, Tyler must do this to almost everyone at the school. He does look up to kids that are more popular though, even though he is still friends with me and the others in my classes.

And not only that, but he is still friendly towards me. He talks to me normally and jokes around, and when I answer when in our group at lunch he never humiliates me in front of the crowd. So why does he still hit me everyone once in a while or crack a joke about me?

I understand he has a problem with being arrogant, but could it also be me that takes things too personally? I have had a very short temper in the past, and I hold onto things for too long sometimes. I have also been raised in a household of a mom and sister, going to my dad's every other weekend, so I am just starting to learn how men banter and rough house with eachother which actually pisses me off a bit.

As a matter of fact, it seems like I feel like everyone can take advantage of me sometimes and make the bud of the joke. Is it just me not being able to take a joke or am I missing something?


Phew I know it's long but can someone please help me out? I really need advice with this.
   
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Re: Someone please help out - September 22nd 2011, 02:52 PM

If he is pinching or doing something like that that you don't like then you need to tell him that because sometimes even the best of friends won't know that you don't like something till the time you tell them. And if he is cracking a joke about you just once in a while and he means it in good humor then I think it should be okay but if you're not okay with it, just tell him.



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

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Re: Someone please help out - September 22nd 2011, 05:32 PM

If Tyler is doing things you don't like you should ask him to please stop. He's doing these things for attention and he hasn't figured out that it's not welcomed, he's more in touch with his own insecurity at that moment than your discomfort. You're doing him a favor by pointing this out, b/c guys who are less friendly with him won't be as kind, they'll either knock him back of reject him outright. He's not arrogant, btw, he's just lacks some basic social skills. Welcome to the world of adolescent boys.

The larger issue of your feeling ill at ease with the whole early teen guy culture is a harder one to easily address. I think you might be onto something when you acknowledge your over sensitivity, as well as the absence of a male role model for you at home. Girls definitely relate differently (and far less aggressively) than guys do (and frankly it's far easier to relate to!), so you're noticing the difference btw'n what is at home and what is in the wider teen boy culture.

One thing to do is to make sure you have good, solid guy friends who relate to you in a more 'civilized' way that you're accustomed to, this will make tolerating the often more Neanderthal way early teen guys relate a lot easier! When you're with them, try to remain neutral, don't necessarily try to be someone you're not.


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Re: Someone please help out - September 23rd 2011, 08:02 PM

Thanks for the replies. I have told him whenever he does it that it hurts and he replies "really? Sorry" which is exactly what I wanted.

So far I have also been getting on well with the other kids, they just seem a lot more different then the other kids I was with last year. Guess I will just get used to it
   
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Re: Someone please help out - September 24th 2011, 12:23 PM

Its really funny how most of the times you just have to tell a person and BAM! , everything becomes fine ! xD



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

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Re: Someone please help out - September 24th 2011, 08:58 PM

Hahaha I know right? Worked better than I thought!
   
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Re: Someone please help out - September 24th 2011, 10:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brillyx View Post
Hahaha I know right? Worked better than I thought!
There's a lesson there..........


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