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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Average Joe
LittleMissOneBigMess's Avatar
Name: Tessa
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Canada

Posts: 109
Join Date: February 7th 2011

is this okay..... - October 1st 2011, 06:58 AM

Hey there,

So theres this girl that I kinda used to date, we had a thing a couple months ago, we had some painful drama and we stopped talking for a few months but i never got over her, and now we are friends again. I know she doesnt feel the same way about me as I do for her, but thats not the issue. So my best friend, lets call her A, absoultly can't stand the other girl, we will call her J. So J and A, are not friends, not even a little, mostly A hates J for breaking my heart and hurting me but she also dislikes J for treating her badly and doing some not kind things to her. I know A gets upset whenever I talk about J, she doesn't know that we are pretty good friends and that we have been hanging out outside of school again. I even pretend to not be in love with J anymore. A knows how I "used" to feel about J and what happened between us and all that, and she knows she broke my heart, she knows I never felt the way about anyone the way I felt about J. Yeah theres alot of complicated stuff. I think A doesn't understand why I can't not just stop talking to J, even after all J has put me through, I still need her in my life, even if its just as a friend. A says it makes her sad because she knows i deserve better than being hurt by herr and that i can do better than J, and that J doesn't deserve me. i know A does it out of love, because I've done the same for her. A just doesn't want me to get hurt again. I know she does it because she cares

So my real question is, do you think its easier to just pretend to A that I dont have feelings for J anymore? Should I tell A? what would you do? On the one hand I hate lying to my bestfriend but on the other I don't want to upset her.....

Sorry if this seems really pathetic.....anyways thats the end of my rant.

"You're never gonna spread your disease,So take your hands off of me"
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Name: Nicole
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: PDX

Posts: 12,424
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Re: is this okay..... - October 1st 2011, 04:12 PM

Hey there, I moved this over to Friends and Family since it is about your friendship with A.

Honestly, I wouldn't keep lying to your best friend. If she finds out that you are still friends with J, she will be very upset. I would come clean and just let her know that it is very hard to get over J and that you still want to talk to her. She should understand even if she doesn't agree because she knows how much J meant to you. Maybe she can even help you get over J.

And here you are living, despite it all.
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