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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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NevermindMe Offline
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My mom has pushed me to the edge. - November 13th 2011, 05:15 PM

Lately things have been rough around here. I honestly think it's because my mother and I have been around each other way too much. We've been on the same lot for five days, and it's driving me insane. I need to leave the house, or she does. Even if for a couple hours.

So basically being in close proximity has made everyone irratable. She'll yell at me for something, and I either
A) Argue that it was just a mistake and I don't deserve to be punished
To which she yells at me for "backtalk"
B) Go to my room as instructed and take the punishment.
In which case I'm "pouting"

Basically she has some new obsession with respect. Claiming I disrespect her by not valuing her opinions, or not agreeing with her. For example while working on a school project about evolution she started ranting about how evolution was "lies!" to which I explained some modern examples (chernobyl whisker fish, Galapagoes iguanas...) and basically she said I was disrespecting the Bible and her and basically freaked out on me for "straying from faith".

Another time she said anyone who has a baby while not married is a "whore" despite my saying that it could've been a variety of mistakes that lead to that, or that maybe her husband divorced her, etc. My mother punished me for "standing up for the dumb sluts." What am I supposed to say to that?

As a joke my brother was trash-talking while we were playing video games together. It was all in good fun. He ended up calling me a "puke face" and my mother heard. She sent him to his room, and yelled at me for allowing to to say that to me. I know if I had told her, I would be tattling, and if I had taken some form of displene against him I would be "abusing my brother". Not that I would have wanted to, considering it was a FREAKING joke.

Not to mention she went on a rampage about how rated "teen" or "pg-13" movies/games are illegal for people my age to own. I'm 14. :/ She mentioned how the "government banned it!" and "You [me] don't know better than the government!" despite the fact that she breaks the law regularly. (jaywalking, speeding, other stupid stuff, claiming the laws are pointless) and in case you aren't up on Canadian laws, the government allows minors to purchase any materials they choose. It's the stores that regulate themselves to avoid lawsuits. When I argued this was irrational she told me to "stop talking out of my head" despite that fact that she was the one talking out of her head. I choose to shut up here, and not further provoke a fight.

Basically she then phoned my dad, refusing to tell him the WHOLE story that involved her treating me like shit, made me look like some demented problem child and let him yell at me for a while. He gave me a chance to explain myself, but my mom kept screaming for me to "Shut up!" whenever I would try to answer his questions. Basically it ended up stressing him out when he doesn't need it.

I really, really wish my dad were around. He's a hard-ass and a huge douche-bag when he wants to be, but my God at least he's sane. He might yell at you, but he's not a fucking crazy person and at least you know what might make him angry and what might not. My mother scares me, because I never know what might make her angry.

Her whole obsession with being repsected is scaring me. She wants so badly to have respect, but she doesn't deserve it. My dad has no respect for her when she acts crazier than shit. Her family and parents have no respect for her, my sister has no respect for her, so she tries to force it from my brother and I. I will never respect her. She says I have no love, or compassion for anyone and anything, but I promise you I do. I have respect for my sister, who works hard to compensate any flaws she has. She might be irratiable at times, but she tries. I respect my dad who is willing to work for ten hour days to make money for food. I respect God, I respect friends, I respect rolemodels. But my god she isn't my role model.

I just wish she could be honest with me. I wish she could stop making excuses for smelling like smoke and just tell me that she smokes. I wish she would stop lying about needing high blood pressure medication, and tell me that the pills are for depression, post traumatic stress and panic attacks. I wish she would tell me what she went through when she was a kid, so I could work on helping her. I wish she would come out and tell me she has extreme depression, instead of leaving me wondering if what I read was true. I wish she would explain to me and my brother that she doesn't really hate us, and it's just depression talking.

But she doesn't. Instead she chooses to lie to me, and act clever, as though I'm stupid enough to fall for it every time. I wish she would be honest, and respect me as an individual. Then maybe I could respect her. But for as long as she delivers lines like "don't talk out of your head!" or "you're not as smart as you think you are." I will only be angry at her. And I will never learn to respect her.

I need advice. How do you deal with a severely depressed person. Light depression is mainly just sad, but as it gets more serious you can expect verbal/emotional abuse, mood swings, unfocused anger, irrational behaviour, paranoia, etc.

I just need help for some magic words that can somehow make her stop this. I'm scared to talk to her, I really am. I have no idea to how she'll react if I tell her I know all of her "clever" secerets, and that she's been underestimating me all along. I don't know if she'll be sad, or explain it to me, or get really, really angry. Talking is out of the question. What I need is some way to cope, or common things that trigger moodswings in a severely depressive person. Please, any help apreciated.

I know I need to learn to shut up, because no matter what she says or how cruel or racist or descriminating she's being, nothing I can say will ease the situation. But any help beyond that is apreciated.

- Justin



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Re: My mom has pushed me to the edge. - November 13th 2011, 05:46 PM

Even tho I respect my mom i will still stand up for what i believe in even if it causes a fight. Im alittle older then you so its easier for me to say what i wanna say but my advice would be to just ignore all the negitiveness around you. In a few years you will be able to make your own decisions and you will be able to do what you want
   
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Re: My mom has pushed me to the edge. - November 13th 2011, 09:21 PM

Thanks for the advice nyasia2011.

- Justin



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Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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Re: My mom has pushed me to the edge. - November 19th 2011, 12:16 AM

It DOES get easier to stand up to parents as you become older - so take comfort in that, if possible. =) If you tell your mom you know all her "secrets", I imagine she'll become defensive, which probably means displaying anger toward you. Empathy, and actually verbalizing it, may be something worth attempting. It's not easy, though, and you have to walk a fine line - too much overt empathy could be seen as condescension, which will seem disrespectful, which will make her even more upset. If you aren't obvious enough about it, though, she may believe you're insincere (and therefore disrespectful). I think the route you've taken so far is good - don't egg her on by prolonging the arguments. When you're NOT arguing, though, you may want to try doing something nice for her without being asked, or ask her how she's doing and point out how she's seemed depressed/stressed lately. She's not going to change overnight, and if she doesn't want help, then there's very little you can do to change that - but at least your sympathetic gestures and responses will be on her mind, and that may help push her in the right direction, given time.






   
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Re: My mom has pushed me to the edge. - November 19th 2011, 12:26 AM

Thats tough bro. Stand up for what you beleive, but try not to push her over.




Prescilla, You will always be my bestest bro. Hope you feel like a boss!
   
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