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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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artpaper Offline
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Question Parents and Religion - November 27th 2011, 06:27 AM

Hello people I am new to these forums and as you can see, I would really appreciate some advice.
Well, first of all, I'm having problems with my parents and their religion.
They're Christian but they don't put themselves into and denomination because they think what they believe in is the true Christianity. (church website: mcgi.org/en/)

Honestly, I don't care for religion. I rarely pay attention in church because I have language difficulties (the doctrines are in Tagalog w/ English subtitles. Reading subtitles doesn't make it very compelling) and I have no motivation to learn. Still, they make me and my siblings go every weekend, determined on getting us to learn and be just as devoted as they are.

Well, my problem is that because of religion, I, along with my 2 other sisters, are not allowed to:
1. Wear make up
2. Cut our hair (My hair goes down to my butt ;_; I secretly trim it sometimes)
3. Paint our nails (wtf?)
4. Wear skirts/ dresses that go above our knees unless we wear leggings
5. Wear pants (They let us do this anyways)
6. Wear shirts without sleeves (=_=?)
7. Celebrate any holidays except birthdays (ex. Christmas- they don't think Jesus was born at that time, Halloween - evil and crap, Easter, Thanksgiving - why bother?)

If I explained the amount of problems these restrictions bring me, it would take forever.

I plan to tell them about my want to be agnostic when I'm 18 but I'm pretty sure I'll still be living with them :x I'm 14 now and these rules are killing me. I feel like I'm missing out on the full teenage experience...

It scares me to talk to them because they are just so passionate about religion and getting us on "the path of righteousness." They'll probably tell me how I'm choosing the road to hell or some crap like that. They know that I don't look forward to church but if I told them I really wanted to stop going, I'm sure they would go ballistic. I really don't like conflict or confrontation. Since they're so religious, I'm scared they'll reject me for rejecting their religion... :\

All I want is to have a say with my hairstyle and have the chance to experiment with make up I just want to have optimum cuteness! Is that so bad? Gawsh! What should I do?! ;_; I would really appreciate advice! Thanks!
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Akito Offline
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Re: Parents and Religion - November 28th 2011, 05:13 AM

My parents aren't quite so restrictive about religion, but they do require me to do some things that seem outrageous to me, such as the part about not wearing shirts without sleeves.

I think you should try to talk to them maturely and calmly, carefully detailing all of the reasons that you have for disagreeing with the religion/restrictions. Tell them how being forced to follow a religion you don't believe in makes you feel, and see if you can negotiate with them about their restrictions. If this is turns out to be a tried-and-unreachable method, see if you can get help elsewhere. Talk to a counselor, neighbor, or other adult (maybe even an adult in a position of power at their church, someone who may have dealt with cases similar to yours before). Getting adults on your side helps. It shows you are responsible and more mature, that you aren't just gossiping to your friends about their mistreatment, but are trying to communicate rationally. Tell them you don't want to experiment with makeup as an act of rebellion, but as an act of genuine interest. Explain why other holidays are a blessing and give reasons for it. Christmas brings joy to many every year, why shouldn't you celebrate that? Likewise for Halloween, Easter, and Thanksgiving. Holidays bring a smile to the faces of many, surrounding them with family, friends, and food.

If they truly love you, they will not reject you for what you believe in, just as you do not reject them for believing what they believe in. You just don't believe it yourself.

I hope this helps. PM me if you'd like to chat; I'm always up for it. : )

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Chris Offline
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Re: Parents and Religion - November 28th 2011, 07:08 AM

I personally go to a Catholic high school, and am into my faith to a decent level. However everything you decribed to me, I have never heard of christians and catholics doing. I cant even say that they are real christians if they dont believe that Jesus was born on xmas.

I think that you should go your own way and try to find what you believe in and not always follow what your parents believe in.

But since you are 14, you will have to live by their rules until 18, but at 18, I think you should go your own way and do the things you feel nessary. The thing that i want to say is that usally this carries down from generation to generation, so when you much older, remember how you were treated and how you had those restrictions that you hated; so when you have kids they dont go through the same thing.

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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