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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
katpanda Offline
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Should I just go? - December 10th 2011, 03:21 PM

I am putting this here because I am unsure as to where to put it, so feel free to move it if need be.

If you have read my other threads amongst other forums you would know I have been having issues with my mother and I want to move out. The thing is, my boyfriend hasn't talked to his mum yet about me moving in. I am sick of waiting. It is killing me being here. Mum is trying to convince me to break up with my boyfriend with reasons that only are prevalent because she provoked him. She says she can see bad things in him, etc. The thing is, she doesn't know him that well and she doesn't know how me and him intereact as a couple. I suggested to her a couple weeks ago that when she is ready, I will get my boyfriend to come down and visit and we all sit and talk and sort stuff out. She said she would think about it, instead she is trying to get me to break up with him. She isn't even giving him a chance. She has been attacking him over facebook, and stalking him trying to findout information from all kinds of people from all kinds of places. I can understand she is just trying to look out for me but this is too far. When she said stuff to him over facebook, of course, he retaliated, which is understandable seeing he is angry and upset about her not letting me see him and her taking my phone off me. I don't approve of some of the things he said but he had valid points as did she.

I am sick of my mother everyday just sitting and criticising me. Wanting me to break up with him etc. Should I just go up to my boyfriends house? I am 16 and in Australia they cannot force me to come home at all even with police intervention. They can't stop me. But I don't want to hurt my mum, but she has hurt me enough, and I can't take it anymore.

I know his mum would let me stay a few nights til I find another place to crash. Maybe she might let me move in if I go up there and talk to her myself. If I do go, it will be after my graduation in a couple days.
Any advice would be great.
If you need more information to help you understand this situation a little better feel free to ask questions.
   
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Re: Should I just go? - December 10th 2011, 03:48 PM

hey, i'm sorry that your mom is being so difficult about all of this
but from what it sounds like, your mom is desperate. she's gone to the extremes to find out everything about your boyfriend from everyone but you, and she's terrified of how attached you two are and what you're future is going to be. my best guess is that she's worried about you becoming pregnant, losing your chance to be an independent person, changing your entire life around one person (who she doesn't think will matter significantly as time passes and you eventually break up), and that you would essentially be ruining your life. as a mom, she's going to feel this way, and it seems like you understand this, but you're still extremely frustrated with her (which is understandable). i don't know what conversations you've had with her, but maybe you should ask her to explain, in plain-wording, what exactly she is scared of and what her reasons are for not wanting to let you move in with your boyfriend.
maybe it's really more about that she's afraid of letting you go?
i don't think that you should move in with your boyfriend if he hasn't talked to his mom about it yet. that's definitely his territory, and i think he should be the one to talk to his mom about it.
maybe you could move in with a friend until all of this is settled? i'm sorry, it sounds like a disaster right now. hang in there, though, it'll all work out in the end.


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
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Re: Should I just go? - December 10th 2011, 08:49 PM

THe thing is, my mum hasn't got the slightest clue that I am considering moving out. She is only wanting to find out all this stuff about my boyfriend so she can find things to use against me so she can convince me to break up with him.
   
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Re: Should I just go? - December 11th 2011, 12:29 AM

i don't understand then, why is your mom so deadset against him? is he really old or into drugs or something that a parent wouldn't like? or is she just a little paranoid?

and i would say definitely do not move out yet then if neither mom is aware that you want to move in with your boyfriend--i think that would just make the situation even more stressful and would probably work against you trying to have a good relationship with your mom.


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


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Re: Should I just go? - December 11th 2011, 01:21 AM

My boyfriend is 17 and mum is a very accepting of him in the way he looks.
I made a mistake a couple weeks ago and mum blames it on him.
I do plan on telling mum that I am moving out, but I am waiting til after my graduation tomorrow.
This is just hurting me so much.
   
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Re: Should I just go? - December 11th 2011, 04:31 PM

well that's not fair he sounds like a great guy! you graduate at sixteen? and congrats on your graduation!
hang in there, i'm sorry it's hurting so much, but it will get better soon!


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
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Re: Should I just go? - December 12th 2011, 12:58 AM

I'm sorry to hear this again. I would try to talk to your boyfriend, and then go up and see both of them so you can your boyfriend can talk to his mom TOGETHER. I think being together and talking to her will be best. If she agrees, then maybe go home, get some stuff, and do what you need to.

Like I said before, your mom will probably be mad you left, but if you feel its the best, and it works out good, then she will get over it.

Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Should I just go? - December 12th 2011, 05:25 AM

Yeah, I do have a back up plane if his mum says no. But, hopefully it doesn't get to that. I just want this all to smooth over and work out. I'm just dying to hear his voice again at least..
   
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Re: Should I just go? - December 12th 2011, 07:17 PM

i don't know what your time zone is, so i can't be sure, but it looks like you may have graduated today or yesterday... how's it going? have you told your mom yet?


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
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Re: Should I just go? - December 12th 2011, 07:33 PM

I think she's a brit so GMT
It's really sad and I hope you don't need to leave, as this can cause a lot of problems. Mum's can be so annoying sometimes.

All I can say is, if you really really feel it's it, go. There are plenty of places that will accept people who have hard a hard life with parents. But please try and 'repair' your relationship with your mum, You will find you need her in the future.

Congrats on your graduation by the way


And I've seen it in the flights of birds
I've seen it in you the entrails of the animals
The blood running through, but in order to get to the heart
I think sometimes you'll have to cut through, but you can't

We will carry
We will carry you there

Just keep following
The heartlines on your hand
Just keep following
The heartlines on your hand
Keep it up, I know you can
Just keep following
The heartlines on your hand 'cause I am
   
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