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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question My Best Friend - December 26th 2011, 02:23 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm not really all that open with my best friend, but she knows ten times more about me then anyone else. The only things she really doesn't know is that I still cut(she knows that I have before) and I might have an eating disorder. I would tell her those things, but they would do nothing but make her worry about me.

A few weeks ago she sent me a text asking that if she asked me to do something, would I promise to not question it. I told her it depended on what it was, she asked me to get her a marijuana addiction help line number. Before I got it for her, I made her promise that she would tell me after the holidays (she refused any sooner). Now she's telling me it doesn't matter, I don't have to know. I'm terrified. About a year ago her and I promised each other we'd stay out of drugs and alcohol all through high school. If she were getting the number for anyone else, she would have gotten it herself. There are papers in the front office with hotline numbers on them, it wouldn't have been hard for her to go in, grab one and give it to whomever. She's given me things to hold for her before because her younger sister goes through her backpack a lot, mostly the things she has me hold for her are just notes or whatever. Nothing special but she doesn't want her sister to get them. I keep asking her, but she changes the subject and refuses to answer any questions. Each time I ask I tell her, no matter what, I won't be mad. She still won't tell me.

It's not only with the hotline number thing that I'm worried about, she never use to wear long sleeves or bracelets, my house, her house and our school aren't cold. I haven't seen her without long sleeves on for about three months now. She's always pulling them down so they cover her hands, even when they're already pulled down that far. When I cut on my wrists I did the same thing, and I still do because of scars. She always seems sad or upset now, I know that there is a lot going on with some of our friends, but she's never taken anything as hard as she is now.

She promised that she would tell me everything going on with her after the holidays, but I know that she's lying. I know that she won't because she's like me, just not open about anything to someone who makes a difference. I don't think I'm willing to tell her that I still cut or about a possible eating disorder, she has too many people to worry about without me adding anything on. Is there anything that I can say or do to help her trust me enough to confide in me about whatever is going on? I know that I sound like a hypocrite, but I'm so afraid for her right now. Please help.


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Re: My Best Friend - December 26th 2011, 04:56 AM

You can force her to tell you, or force her to open up. The best thing for you to do is to tell her that you are there if she needs you. Just you making yourself known and telling her that you are by her side may give her comfort and MAYBE she might open up to you. So the best thing to do is just be by her side, and be a friend.

As for you telling her what your going through - thats your decision. The good thing for it is she would know that you had cut before (or still do) and she did (or still does) - so she will relate that to herself and maybe she will feel better or open up. The bad thing is it may just add extra sadness into her life. So think about both sides, and then decide what you want to do.

What would I do? I would tell her that I have cut - and if that is what shes going through then I know how it feels and I will be here if she wants to talk.

Goodluck.


Best wishes,
Chris


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