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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 8th 2012, 09:32 PM

I know these kind of threads are probably here but I couldn't find any, sorry. Do you believe in a friendship between a boy and a girl? I have a girl friend and she's a best friend with a guy I like. She said nothing ever happened between them but they are always together, he sleeps at her house, she knows his parents. They're members of one of students' organisations and whenever there's a meeting (in other countries) they travel together (just the two of them). They always hug each other, kiss in cheek, call each other ''my friend'' (there's actually a word for this in my language but I can't translate it to English). He's got many girl friends and hugs them, kisses them in cheeks. I haven't told her I like him because I don't know what kind of relationship they have. And just for the record: I don't believe in friendships between guys and girls.

Last edited by Confused_teen; January 8th 2012 at 09:51 PM.
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 8th 2012, 09:37 PM

Maybe it's just because I've always been friends with just guys until high school when I got tired of them either being interested in becoming more or ignoring me so I didn't make other girls think we were dating. I recommend asking your friend sometime (maybe right after they hug each other and you two start talking by yourselves without the guy around?) if he and her are going out or anything along those lines and go from there.


   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 8th 2012, 09:40 PM

I think friendship really knows few boundaries. It is 100% possible for a guy to be friends with a girl, a girl to be friends with a girl, a guy to be friends with a guy, a person to be friends with their dog, and etc. I mean...sure, romance can be involved in a lot of relationships (and friendships can grow into romantic ones) but that absolutely could happen in any friendship--whether it's between a guy and a girl, two guys, or two girls. And just because there's potential for two people to have romantic feelings for one another doesn't rule out their ability to have platonic feelings too.


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January 8th 2012, 09:42 PM

I asked her indirectly once. I told her I didn't believe in these kinds of friendships and she said: ''How come? Just look at B and I. Nothing ever happened between us and we're great friends.'' However, I just can't believe her. They're always together, having fun, travelling alone, hugging...And he's like that with all the girls. There's a little voice that keeps telling me not to tell her that I like him.

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I think friendship really knows few boundaries. It is 100% possible for a guy to be friends with a girl, a girl to be friends with a girl, a guy to be friends with a guy, a person to be friends with their dog, and etc. I mean...sure, romance can be involved in a lot of relationships (and friendships can grow into romantic ones) but that absolutely could happen in any friendship--whether it's between a guy and a girl, two guys, or two girls. And just because there's potential for two people to have romantic feelings for one another doesn't rule out their ability to have platonic feelings too.
You're absolutely right and I know that maybe I'm just too careful but I've never liked a guy who has many girl friends and hugs them. The other thing is that I also never liked a guy who has got great girl friend and does these thigs with her. I don't trust him.

Last edited by PSY; January 10th 2012 at 08:46 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 9th 2012, 07:51 PM

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Originally Posted by Loving Linux Penguin View Post
I think friendship really knows few boundaries. It is 100% possible for a guy to be friends with a girl, a girl to be friends with a girl, a guy to be friends with a guy, a person to be friends with their dog, and etc. I mean...sure, romance can be involved in a lot of relationships (and friendships can grow into romantic ones) but that absolutely could happen in any friendship--whether it's between a guy and a girl, two guys, or two girls. And just because there's potential for two people to have romantic feelings for one another doesn't rule out their ability to have platonic feelings too.
I agree ^
If you believe you can't be friends with the opposite sex without having feelings towards them then you'll always see it that way, and miss out on probably some decent friendships.
In fact, most of my friends are guys. I do have friends that are girls but I find hanging out with the guys to be more fun. I would stay at my guy friend's house practically every weekend and call his mom my mom, yet we're nothing but friends.
If your friend says they aren't an item then maybe just hint at you having a thing for him. Tell her you think hes attractive and notice her response then go from there
Best of luuck !
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 10th 2012, 10:13 AM

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Originally Posted by brokensmilexx View Post
I agree ^
If you believe you can't be friends with the opposite sex without having feelings towards them then you'll always see it that way, and miss out on probably some decent friendships.
In fact, most of my friends are guys. I do have friends that are girls but I find hanging out with the guys to be more fun. I would stay at my guy friend's house practically every weekend and call his mom my mom, yet we're nothing but friends.
If your friend says they aren't an item then maybe just hint at you having a thing for him. Tell her you think hes attractive and notice her response then go from there
Best of luuck !
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I've nerver had a true male friend and maybe that's why I don't believe in those kind of friendships. I don't think I'll tell her yet because from my past experience that never ends up well. And, like I said, there's that little voice that keeps telling me to wait because I don't know their relationship and he's very strange.
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 10th 2012, 08:55 PM

It's definitely possible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex. Many of my friends are men, and I have never had a romantic interest in them. There are SOME that I've had a crush on; however, I've never crossed that line from friendship to relationship, unless I had the intention of doing so.

The problem is that many people, especially teenagers and young adults, have a hard time maintaining those boundaries. I used to have a male friend who was very affectionate, kind of like the guy you're talking about. Even though he swore up and down that we were "just friends," that level of affection made me feel uncomfortable. None of my other male friends acted like him (ex. hugging/cuddling/putting his face right next to mine), so I had to make a judgement call. In the end, I decided that regardless of his motives, I wasn't comfortable with that level of affection, so I slowly distanced myself from him.

This male friend of yours may or may not be crossing that line with these girls. Unfortunately, there's no way to know for sure, unless you outright ask him. Maybe his motives are pure, or maybe he's hoping to woo one of those girls someday. The bottom-line is that you shouldn't agree to anything that you are uncomfortable with. If you want to be friends with him, be friends with him. If you want to pursue something else with him, pursue something else with him. If he makes you uncomfortable while you're friends with him, set some clear boundaries (ex. no hugging/kissing on the cheek), and if he won't respect those boundaries, distance yourself from him.

On a final note, I'm curious as to why you don't believe your female friend when she says there's nothing going on between her and this guy you like. Why would she lie about something like that? What would be her reason for doing so? If she says they're just friends, then why not take her for her word? If you can't trust your friend, then I'm wondering why you'd even call her a friend. If you tell her that you like him, and THEN she says, "Oh, but I really DO like him," then that's not your fault! You've given her plenty of opportunities to be truthful, and if she chooses to lie to you over and over again, then that's entirely her fault, not yours, and you shouldn't feel guilty for telling her how you feel about this guy.





   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 11th 2012, 03:17 PM

That's exactly what I'm talking about: he's very affectionate and that is strange to me. I've never met a guy who's more affectionate to girls than him. I can't say that I mind this kind of affection (kiss on the cheek, a hug, even a peck on my lips-we were both pretty drunk then) but I'm not sure what his motives towards me are. Are they purely innocent of he wants something more with me? I know the only way to find this out is to let him know how I feel but something prevents me from doing that.
As far as my friend is concerned, I have a very good relationship with her but what prevents me from saying anything to her is the way they act when they're around each other. They're always hugging and in the pictures they're in tight embrace. It's not that I don't trust her when she says she didn't have anything with him it's actually the fact that I don't believe in these kind of friendships. I know many people, you including, will tell me that they exist but...
The other thing I do know is that I have to do something quick because he's driving me crazy and when I'm not around him I'm constantly thinking about him. My friends and you here told me that I should set some boundaries and that is exactly what I'll do although it will be very hard. I mustn't let him hug me or kiss me anymore if he doesn't want anything more with me. Is that a good thing?
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 11th 2012, 03:47 PM

If you just want to be friends with him, then yes, I think it would be best for you to establish some boundaries. Yes, those physically intimate friendships exist - but not everyone can handle them. I can't. I believe that certain lines should only be crossed with people you're dating/in a relationship with. If I had kept in touch with that friend I mentioned, and if I hadn't established some boundaries, I would have constantly felt guilty. HE may have said there was nothing to it, but I would have felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend. So while some members on TeenHelp will say, "It's harmless, I do it with my guy friends all the time," others will say, "He's crossing a line, I'd question his motives." You have to do what you feel is best for you, not what is best for your friends or for the people responding to your post. =)

If you are still thinking about pursuing a relationship with him (not sure if you are at this point), there are a few things to consider. Telling him how you feel is actually the easy part. The difficult part is deciding what you are and are not willing to "deal with" as part of the relationship. Chances are, he will continue to be affectionate with his female friends. Can you handle that? It doesn't seem like you would be able to - look at how stressed out you are right now, just watching your friend's interactions with him!





   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 11th 2012, 09:16 PM

You're absolutely right, some boundaries should be set but it seems that they have this kind of relationship. It doesn't have to be anything between them (and she told me) but I can't accept that. It seems that you're the same-if youpre my boyfriend then act like that, if you're my friend then don't kiss me and hug me so much.
Yes, I'd like to be his girlfriend because he's so attractive to me that I can't just ignore that fact. Although I know he hugs his friends like that, I feel like I have to try to have a relationship with him because if I don't I'll regret it for sure. It's not that it bothers me that they hug so much, I'm just wondering how come nothing happened between them. When they come back, I'll see what I'll do. The only thing I know is that I must do something because it's not healthy to be thinking of someone so much
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 12th 2012, 01:22 AM

I don't understand how you don't believe that a guy and a girl can't be friends?? I have four very close friends, among others, who are all boys, and apart from when we were much younger, like young teenagers, with two of them, nothing proper has ever happened between myself and any of them. I have another male friend who I used to be very close with, I'd be in his house all the time and we'd go for walks together, spend most of our time just the two of us, but I literally saw him like a brother ~ the idea of anything happening between us made us both cringe. Most of my friends are still boys and it's completely possible for there to be a platonic relationship between the two. For the record, I'm bisexual but am not attracted to any of my female friends either.

I think if something was going to happen between this guy and your friend, it already would have happened.


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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 14th 2012, 01:03 PM

I am a guy, and I am bi. So by your logic, I can't be friends with anyone. But really, like others have said, anyone can be friends with anyone, without it developing into a romance. My best friend is a girl, and I have never thought about becoming more than that with her, because we are just friends.


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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 14th 2012, 02:45 PM

I totally believe in friendships between a guy and a girl. There's a difference between a girlfriend and a girl friend. Same applies on boys too. There's absolutely no harm in such friendships.
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 14th 2012, 05:47 PM

I suppose I'm really stupid if I don't believe in these kind of friendships I appreciate all your replies and maybe I think this because I've never had a male friend and some of my very close friends tell me that these friendships don't exist. I've just come back for my friend's house, she told me the whole story and it seems they were just having fun (they were travelling around the country) and she made out with some guys. However, I didn't tell her that I like her friend, I really don't know why. It seems to me I'd rather die than tell her but also know I might be missing something really good if I don't tell her. Now I'm really anry at myself.
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 16th 2012, 11:26 PM

Could it be that you don't want to tell your friend because you're afraid of what she might say or do? Are you afraid that she might laugh at you, criticize you, or say something to your crush or another person without your permission?





   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 17th 2012, 10:56 AM

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Could it be that you don't want to tell your friend because you're afraid of what she might say or do? Are you afraid that she might laugh at you, criticize you, or say something to your crush or another person without your permission?
I know this might sound strange (and before I say anything, we're really good friends) but I've known her about year and a half and in this group everybody hangs around together (including this guy) and they often throw parties at somebody's house. I feel like they're very closed and tight group and yes, I'm afraid if I tell her she might laugh at me and say that I'm not the right person for him or that he doesn't like me (I'm annoying to him or something). It's not like she'll forbid me to see him or say something to him (I hope so). On the other hand, I might be imagining things because I have very low self esteem and many people hurt me in the past so I'm very careful when it comes to new friendships.
   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 18th 2012, 01:39 AM

Yes, I do believe in friendship between male and female type people. Some of my best friend's have been female. I'm not going to descriminate a friendship based on if you have a penis or not, but rather if I enjoy your company and personality.

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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 18th 2012, 02:30 AM

I personally DO believe in physical affection between friends, of either gender. However, it also makes sense to establish boundaries if you feel they are needed. If you aren't comfortable with something, by all means make it known to your friends (and bfs/gfs).


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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 18th 2012, 09:05 PM

I completely believe a friendship between a male and female can happen without anything more intimate coming from it. Some of my very best friends are guys. My boyfriend's in the military, and I'm very close to some of the guys in his unit, and from school where he was training with ROTC. I get to know them, their girlfriends/wives, and we become great friends. I personally get along more with guys. I can relate to them better. There are just some girls I can't stand.











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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 19th 2012, 12:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Confused_teen View Post
I know this might sound strange (and before I say anything, we're really good friends) but I've known her about year and a half and in this group everybody hangs around together (including this guy) and they often throw parties at somebody's house. I feel like they're very closed and tight group and yes, I'm afraid if I tell her she might laugh at me and say that I'm not the right person for him or that he doesn't like me (I'm annoying to him or something). It's not like she'll forbid me to see him or say something to him (I hope so). On the other hand, I might be imagining things because I have very low self esteem and many people hurt me in the past so I'm very careful when it comes to new friendships.
I can sort of understand where you're coming from. All of my boyfriends were people who came from the same group of friends - meaning that I've always had mutual friends with my boyfriends. There's always the initial conversation where you wonder how your mutual friends will react. Will they think you're the "cutest couple ever"? Will they say, "I knew it, you two are perfect for each other!" Will they say, "Whoa, when did THAT happen?" Of course, there's always the possibility that people will oppose the relationship for any number of reasons.

Unfortunately, you can't please everyone - so rather than focusing on how your friend might react to the news, focus on what would make you happy, and don't let your fears hold you back! It doesn't sound like there are any serious complications at this point - your friend doesn't seem to have a crush on him, he's not your friend's ex-boyfriend, etc. So the only real complication is that you're stopping yourself, and you need to figure out what it will take to move forward. Remember, it's normal to feel some anxiety when sharing personal things like this, but if you don't take risks, you will gain nothing.





   
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Re: Friendship between a boy and a girl - January 22nd 2012, 10:44 AM

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I can sort of understand where you're coming from. All of my boyfriends were people who came from the same group of friends - meaning that I've always had mutual friends with my boyfriends. There's always the initial conversation where you wonder how your mutual friends will react. Will they think you're the "cutest couple ever"? Will they say, "I knew it, you two are perfect for each other!" Will they say, "Whoa, when did THAT happen?" Of course, there's always the possibility that people will oppose the relationship for any number of reasons.

Unfortunately, you can't please everyone - so rather than focusing on how your friend might react to the news, focus on what would make you happy, and don't let your fears hold you back! It doesn't sound like there are any serious complications at this point - your friend doesn't seem to have a crush on him, he's not your friend's ex-boyfriend, etc. So the only real complication is that you're stopping yourself, and you need to figure out what it will take to move forward. Remember, it's normal to feel some anxiety when sharing personal things like this, but if you don't take risks, you will gain nothing.
You're absolutely right, if I don't tell her I might miss something wonderful and that's my main concern. I'm planning on telling her next week, this has been going on for quite some time now and it's driving me crazy.
As for their mutual friends, I hope they won't find out that I like him. If something happens between us then I don't care (ok, I do but I can't think about it right now because I have to think about myself a bit). He and I had a chat few days ago and he said we had to celebrate my birthday as soon as possible (I didn't push anything, he suggested that) and that's a good start.
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