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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 02:20 AM

Hey guys. I was wondering if you could maybe help me with something. So you see, I have this friend named Nes. She lives in Arizona so I can't see her. We can only talk on the phone or email. She used to call me everyday. If she somehow couldn't talk to me one day, she would at least send me a text before she went to bed. Just recently, she decided she was going to be a Jehovas Witness. Here's how that plays in, strict Jehovas are not encouraged to socialise with those who are not Jehovas. I got anxious about 2 weeks ago thinking that was why she was talking to me less. She went from calling everyday to calling once every week. It went for longer than a week and I sent her a long email asking what was up and if her being a Jehova now was the reason for her not talking to me as much. She was kinda upset with me for asking her that and told me she would never do that and had made it clear with me before (she hadden't). She talked to me once more since then. That was still 2 weeks ago. I have not heard a single word from her in 2 weeks. We have not had a real conversation and long phone call in even longer than that. Maybe 3 or 4 weeks. I have called her numerous times and left messages, I sent her texts. This past week, I gave up with contacting her. Nothing was working. I figured if she wants to talk to me, she can call me back. She can take 5 seconds out of her life to text me. But she hasn't done that. She used to always be a good communicator. Somethings changed and something is up. She's always made time for me somehow. Now she isn't and the only possible answer I can think of is she IS not talking to me because she's now a Jehova and im not. There is no other reason. Even when she's busy, NOBODY is SO busy that they cant text someone just once. Its more than being busy. She's never that busy anyway. I don't know what to feel ether. Im pissed because it doesn't seem like she's even tried to contact me or wants to. I feel like if she calls, I want to ignore her just like she's been ignoring me. But at the same time, I miss her. I want to talk to her and tell her about all she's missed in these 2 weeks. But im really pissed and hurt that she has let this go on for 2 weeks. I feel like what friend can care that much if they can't even call once or text once. I'd NEVER do that to someone. Im also jealous because her other friend is a Jehova and she talks to her everyday. I know she does. Even when she started talking to me once a week, she was telling me she had been talking to Dani all the other days. Its just like "why?"...I have known her longer and I THOUGHT we were closer. Guess I was plain wrong....What I am asking is does anyone have any ideas of what I should do about this?


   
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Re: Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 02:50 AM

You cant force anyone to talk to you. You cant force anyone to stay your friend. You did your part - and you sent her texts, calls, emails, etc. She didn't respond.

Often we lose friends - and yes, sometimes its cold turkey. We all grow up, and we all separate from others. To be honest, it sounds like shes doing her own thing, and by her ignoring your texts and calls - and yet you still keep sending them, chances are shes getting annoyed. Why doesn't she want to talk to you? I don't know - but the point is she seems like she doesn't.

I know this sound mean, and brutal - but thats whats going on. We all move on and grow up and lose and leave friends. We all do new things, which bring us either closer or farther away from our friends. I'd do your own thing, and move on. If she contacts you in the future than you need to decide to talk to her or not - but as of right now, the constant texts, and calls to her isn't going to improve the situation. Let it be.



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Re: Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 02:57 AM

I am not calling and texting constantly. I stopped trying to contact her completely. Im waiting for her to do her part. But I guess she's not. And yeah your right, I cant force her to talk to me. I dont know if she ever will again because she's being so strange. I hope she does but theres no telling.


   
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Re: Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 03:02 AM

We never know what will happen - but the best thing to do is to move on, because it seems like she already has.

Losing friends (or losing contact with them) is not a good feeling - its sucks. But unfortunately we all lose them, and we all miss them, but we all find new ones. Some friends last a lifetime - others a few weeks/months - but it happens.


Stay strong.



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
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Re: Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 03:08 AM

I have to agree with Chris. Changing religion like that is a huge change for someone. I've lost my best friends when they moved, they had a new life, and new friends... They didn't have time for me back then, and maybe it's just what happened with your friend. She just doesn't have time right now, because so many new things are happening, she's making new friends that have the same beliefs as hers. She's not trying to hurt you, she's just busy with her new life.

Maybe in a few years, she will want to talk to you again ? but for right now, it's better just to leave her alone.
   
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Re: Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 03:41 AM

It can be hard for someone to integrate a new religion into their life. I am a Christian, and I have many friends who are Christians. Some of us (including myself) have no problem associating with "non-Christian" friends. I know some people, however, who take certain passages from the Bible to mean, "do not associate with non-Christians... PERIOD... or it could lead you into temptation!"

My guess is that your friend is currently navigating those new guidelines. I'm sure she'd like to stay in touch with you - but if she does so at this point in her spiritual walk, it will feel like she's committing a sin. It's going to take her time to re-negotiate her friendships with people who don't share the same religious beliefs she does.

I think you have done all that you can for the time being. I'm sorry this happened, and I'm sorry that your friend wasn't able to make the adjustment in a way that was more fair to you.






   
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Re: Not a word in 2 weeks - January 23rd 2012, 03:55 AM

Thank you guys. I guess you are right and I should just keep doing what I'm doing then which is not trying to contact her.


   
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