I don't want to see him!

[goldenslumbers]

So I'm sixteen and I've been having a secret romance kind of thing with one of my guy friends. None of my other friends know about it, they don't even know me and this guy are close anymore seeing as he's drifted away from our friendship group after there was a bit of a conflict. Anyway, recently he has really hurt me... I don't want to go into the details but we're not speaking and it feels like we might not speak again. I'm in a lot of pain right now and don't want to see him at all, but the problem is one of my friends is having a birthday party/sleepover tonight and he's invited. I don't want to be there and see him being all happy and flirty with other girls and have to pretend like nothing's bothering me. I just want to stay in bed and forget about him! Is it okay for me to lie to my friend and say I feel ill? I tried making myself sick to get out of it but I couldn't do it. I just feel so guilty for lying to my friend and not being there for her. Any advice?

[MadPoet]

Maybe you should give your friend a version of the truth. Tell her you had a conflict with one of the people invited, and you're not really ready to be around them yet. If she asks for more detail just let her know that you're not really up for talking about it, but when you're ready you will definitely let her know. I know that sounds like the hard thing to do, but it's really much easier than trying to come up with lies to tell your friend, and then feeling guilty about them later on. In the end your friends will value your honesty and you won't have to worry about the lies you've told.

[goldenslumbers]

Originally Posted by MadPoet

Maybe you should give your friend a version of the truth. Tell her you had a conflict with one of the people invited, and you're not really ready to be around them yet. If she asks for more detail just let her know that you're not really up for talking about it, but when you're ready you will definitely let her know. I know that sounds like the hard thing to do, but it's really much easier than trying to come up with lies to tell your friend, and then feeling guilty about them later on. In the end your friends will value your honesty and you won't have to worry about the lies you've told.

This is really good advice, but the thing is there aren't many people going, and we're a very close group, aside from a few. If I mention there's a conflict it will definitely become a point of discussion and I'll get loads of questions and I really don't want a big drama. :/

[Aletheia*]

I don't think it's fair to your friend to skip out on the birthday party/sleep over just because of this guy. You say he's strayed from the group, so maybe he won't show up. Lying could potentially make MORE conflict than really is necessary, especially if he/she founds out you've been lying to them in more ways than one (about your guy friend and an excuse about the party/sleepover). Honestly, I'd just go to the party and ignore this guy. If he's hurt you, and doesn't have the decency to speak to you about the conflict, or give you something to work with, he isn't worth your time.

[Chris.]

I think that it is personally your best interest to just stay home. Usually I say to be a social butterfly, but in this case, I honestly think seeing him will make you feel atleast 3 Times worse - which frankly, he isn't worth it.

So, I would just tell your friend that you are feeling sick, or something similar and that you wish she has fun tonight.

But also remember, that you cant always avoid him, but for the next few weeks until you feel better I think its best.



Best wishes,
Chris

[FlyingTrue]

Are you close enough to your friends to confide in them? If they are really good friends, they should be able to support you with this situation if you tell them what really happened. True friends care about and help each other.

[PSY]

Lying to your friend wouldn't be right - so if you're going to skip her birthday party, I would 1) tell her why, and 2) ask if you can hang out with her the day before/after, just the two of you, to make up for not going to her birthday party.

For me, in situations like these, it helps to weigh the pros and cons. Pros of going to friend's birthday party: I get to see her, I get to see other friends, it's a party, I might have a great time, etc. Cons of going to friend's birthday party: I will have to see the boy at some point, it might feel uncomfortable, I could have a horrible time, etc. In the end, I think it depends on your personality type and how well you cope in potentially awkward situations. Are you the type who can turn around and keep talking to friends when you see the boy flirting with other girls? Or are you the type who will sulk and be in a rotten mood after seeing something like that? For me, I fall somewhere in the middle: I'll be upset at first, but then I'll try to shrug it off so I can have a good time with my friends. By the end of the evening, I'm usually glad that I chose to stay.