Being Social

[awmnomnom7]

In high school I didn't have much trouble finding friends. I found a few cool people and stuck with them, and I mingled with all sorts of social circles. Well, I've since gone to college and things changed dramatically. My best friend lives a good 4 hour drive away, and for 2 and a half years I commuted over an hour just to get to classes, which means I didn't have much time for socializing on campus. And where I was living at the time wasn't the best place for being social either, and I didn't know anybody there to begin with. So that was a bad start, but finally this semester I am actually living on campus in a student living building. I want to be more social, get out there and meet people, but I've come to realize ... I don't really know how to. I guess people always use to come to me, but that's not so much of an option any more. And I don't drink so I often turn down any sort of "hey come over and drink with us" offers from the few people I associate with here. I joined a club, which has had one briefing introductory meeting so far. I'm hoping to meet some people there, but we'll see. Other than that I don't really know what to do. I sometimes start conversations with people in class, but it almost never turns into any sort of friendship outside the classroom. And my roommate is worse than me. He pretty much locks himself in his room all day screaming at his ps3 or some such. No help there. I guess ... I'm lonely. >_> wut do?

[Chris.]

Well first off I want to say that you are making progress by being on campus. Your doing good, and off to a decent start - which I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit for. These things take time, and you wont always see results within a few weeks.

Joining that club is a great start - so once you start getting involved, you are already good to go because you know the people in the club like at least 1 thing similar to you.

As far as classrooms and hallways, and whenever you see people - just simply make eye contact (not for too long) and say hi, or hi ya, or how you doing. It sounds stupid, but communication is how friendships start. So start off small with a hi, and then next time you see that person maybe say, how are you doing, then maybe next time say, "Ive seen you a few times around here, what are you majoring in?". Point is - make small conversations, and build them up.

When you are sitting in class, talk to the person next to you - and then after a few weeks of getting to know them, ask them if they wanna go to a bar (depending on age) or to the club down the street, or to get food, or to workout, or anything like that.

Its important to try, but not try to hard. Don't force anything, but instead just be patient and just roll with the punches,


Best wishes,
Chris

[PSY]

Hey there! I understand how difficult it can be to socialize when you're commuting to and from school every week. I did that three times a week for three months - and the trip was 5-6 HOURS round trip! I didn't have time to check out clubs, attend holiday parties, etc. I didn't even have time to log onto Facebook and send messages to people I had met at school - I was WAY too tired at the end of those days!

It's hard to get back into the swing of things at first... but it CAN be done. I think it's great that you are checking out a club on-campus. Unfortunately, many clubs start off strong at the beginning of the year, but then the leaders/members don't follow through, and before you know it, the club doesn't really exist anymore (in the sense that they have regular meetings and what-not). So you may need to check out several clubs at first, to see which ones are active and offer a number of opportunities to make friends.

You'll have to put yourself out there, and potentially even do things that feel awkward for you. No, that doesn't mean you should drink alcohol if you're uncomfortable with it... but you may need to "force" yourself to attend a party, even if you're not going to know anyone except for the person that invited you! Heck, you may not know anyone at all! You have to start somewhere, though... because, frankly, very few people are going to put forth the effort to get to know you. You need to show interest in other people first, and THEN you'll see some reciprocation. =)

[awmnomnom7]

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it =]

[tined]

[Edited] if i was u just go out and try to talk about something u like to start a friendship and try to be funny it all-ways works