TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tapanga Paige Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Tapanga Paige's Avatar
 
Name: Rikki Heyman
Gender: Female

Posts: 101
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: February 5th 2012

Question A "good" friend - February 25th 2012, 01:42 AM

A good friend is there to answer the phone when you call at midnight. A good friend is there to give you a reality check when you're freaking out, a shoulder to cry on, and help you become the person you could be.


In my opinion, its better to be the friend a person needs in their life at times as apposed to the person they want. Now, I love my friends and I would do anything for them, but when it comes to allowing them to skate by making horrible decisions and taking no responsibility for their actions, thats were I draw the line.

3 of my best guy friends were standing on the curb in town by themselves with out a ride and stoned beyond belief. Now boy my friend Mckayla and I were at home with a car and a liscence. McKayla drove the 3 boys into town were they now sit in order to prevent them from getting in trouble when the parents got home. And when they had 3 options
A: call a family friend
B: call a friend (Me/Mckayla)
C: call a parent

the opted for option B, they called McKayla. They knew that Mckayla(who had already bent over backwards to save their asses) would drive in there and take them all home. Thus thats who they called because they also knew that if they called me I would drive in there waited while they called their parents and drove home.

From where I stand a good friend doesn't contribute to the deliquency of their friends, a good friend does their best to help them become the responsible people they could be. Am I wrong?


<3 RAWR<3
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,011
Blog Entries: 34
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: A "good" friend - February 25th 2012, 02:48 AM

In my opinion, yes, being a good friend means looking out for your friends' best interests, even if what you say or do may be unpopular or unwelcome at the time. I see this happen all the time, where people make promises to their friends, only to discover their friends are suicidal and/or hurting themselves in some other way. Those people then feel torn between keeping or breaking the promise. If they keep the promise, their friends will continue to talk to them, but their friends may be put in harm's way. If they break the promise and tell an adult what's going on, their friends may become angry/refuse to talk to them/break off the friendship, but there is the peace of mind in knowing they tried to help their friends.

Ultimately, you're probably going to get mixed responses on this issue, because some people will say it's not a big deal to be "stoned," and that your friends weren't in any immediate danger. In my opinion, though, your friends could have gotten hurt while under the influence, due to having poor coordination and impaired judgment. This could also be the "gateway drug" to more harmful substances, so by remaining silent now and condoning the behavior, you could be implicitly giving them permission to escalate in their behavior.

I would rather have a friend dislike me for making them own up to their actions than have a friend like me because I supported them (actively or passively) in making bad or harmful decisions. I would rather have a friend hate me but live than love me but die prematurely.






   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Stupidity Kills
Outside, huh?
**********
 
OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!'s Avatar
 

Posts: 4,500
Blog Entries: 10
Join Date: December 19th 2009

Re: A "good" friend - February 25th 2012, 10:14 AM

I would've helped them by saving their asses and driving them in my car. The only exception I would tell them not to smoke any weed or have any in their possession while in my car. I don't care if they just bought it, I'm not giving them a ride while they have it because it could ultimately screw me over. Smoking weed can be problematic but it's not an incredibly harmful nor addictive substance and I wouldn't give them a ride if they were unstable for whatever reason. In that case I'd call the paramedics as it's in the friend's best interest. I wouldn't tell their parents or an authority figure because they weren't in immediate danger.

One of the things I'd do different than the OP's boyfriend is tell the friends they're indebted to me, so if I need them for whatever reason, I expect they'll stick their necks out for me. After they do whatever I asked then the slate is wiped clean and neither person owes the other any favour.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
This could also be the "gateway drug" to more harmful substances, so by remaining silent now and condoning the behavior, you could be implicitly giving them permission to escalate in their behavior.
You're one of the people I consider to be intelligent on this site but surely you must know the gateway drug theory has, at best, very weak evidence.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,011
Blog Entries: 34
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: A "good" friend - February 25th 2012, 06:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!
You're one of the people I consider to be intelligent on this site but surely you must know the gateway drug theory has, at best, very weak evidence.
Yes, I realize the gateway drug theory is controversial, and that there are studies both supporting and opposing the theory. In my opinion, though, it's not necessarily about getting addicted to a "mild" substance, then eventually seeking out a "harder" substance later on. It's more of a "slippery slope" or "point of no return" argument in my mind. If you're willing to break the law and use one illegal substance, why not two illegal substances? If you can use marijuana and not suffer any serious consequences as a result, you may feel somewhat invincible and not use caution when presented with the opportunity to try a "stronger" substance later on. You know that the prefrontal cortex continues to develop even after adolescence, so there IS that sense of invincibility in many teenagers. Marijuana didn't hurt them, so why not try heroin, too? Heck, their friends seem fine the next day, and they didn't get caught by parents/the authorities, so what's the harm? It's not going to KILL them, right? It's the mindset, more than the idea of the brain being "primed" for dependency on "harder" drugs, that makes me place value on the idea of "gateway drugs." Maybe I could have used a different term, but this was the idea I was trying to convey to the OP. By condoning a "mild" substance now, I may be unintentionally condoning the use of "harder" substances in the future. I'd rather express my concerns now, and be criticized by a friend, than remain silent and hope their behavior doesn't escalate over the course of time.







Last edited by PSY; February 25th 2012 at 06:38 PM.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Tapanga Paige Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Tapanga Paige's Avatar
 
Name: Rikki Heyman
Gender: Female

Posts: 101
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: February 5th 2012

Re: A "good" friend - February 25th 2012, 06:42 PM

I agree. Its more of a social concept than scientific one. I think of it as the bike ramp concept. As small childrem you do stupid things like build a ramp and jump your bike off of it. So you start small, cuz your afraid of hurting youself, but as you conqour the small ramp you feel like you can build a bigger one. So you build bigger and bigger ramps because you feel you can jump anything. Thats the sence of invincibilty i think PSY is refering to. Regardles of weather or not weed is a gateway drug, those kids were in imediat danger. They were high and therefore disoriented and uncoordinated. Making much easier to just fall in the street and get hit by oncoming trafic or say somthing rash to a group of not so nice people. My goal was never to make them mad and I was never looking to see them get in trouble. I only expect them to own up to their shit. Be responsibile for their actions even if it means they get in trouble because its the right thing to do. And as a friend helping them become better people and do the right thing is more important to me than being popular for saving their asses.


<3 RAWR<3
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
friend, good

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.