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Chelley Offline
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Unhappy i'm at a loss of what to do. - March 16th 2012, 01:00 AM

so a while ago this new girl started to work at the place i work at. we'll call her H. H was the complete opposite of me. While she is outgoing, hyper, and loud. I'm reserved and quiet. We began working with one another and i tried my hardest to be talkative and make friends with her. well she did some things. i walked in on her and a co-worker saying some really mean stuff about me. and i thought to myself, no biggie, i just try harder and prove to her how awesome i am. and then she started doing these things where she would get mad at me and then she would go talk to people about it; but she never talked to me about it. and then those people would tell me what she said. and once again i was hurt, but i thought no biggie, i'll jsut try harder. and then she continued to do it; and i deided that i would take a step back; cuz she really was hurting me. but i was still nice to her and i still talked to her. i just never tried to get to know her like i used to. and she never really made any effort either so i thought it was all good. then we stopped working with one another and i thought good now the drama will end. but it didnt. it got worse.
Somehow she had decided that i hated her. i have no idea how she got like this. i never said i hated her. to anyone. ever.
and then about a couple weeks ago she confronted me. and asked why i hated her. and i thought good; now we can talk about this and work it out. well i explained that i didnt hate her; i jut didnt like how she treated me. but she said that i did hate her and i did talk behind her back. and when i tried to defend myself again; she just stormed off. she wouldnt listen. theres a difference between wanting to work something out and jsut attacking someone and she attacked me.
and now the girl i work with currntly; S. just informed me the other day that this is all my fault. that it's because i talk behind her back. she thinks that i was mean to H and that is why its like this. and when i tried to tell her otherwise; she wouldnt listen so i just gave up.
i never talked behind H's back. vented, yes. but i never made anything up and i never did anythin mean to her. i made sue that whatever i said i would be able to say to her face. i would just say i dont like how she treats me.
and i feel like complete shit right now because i have no idea how to fix this because all H wants to do is yell at me and all S wants to do is believe whatever and not let me defend myself. and it sucks because whereas me and S would talk and laugh and stuff; now we just sit and all she does is get mad at me and snap at me and idk what to do. i would love to just sit down with H and actually work this out but that doesnt seem like that is going to happen. and i love to work things out with S but she is so headstrong that whenever i just try to explain myself she just tell me how wrong i am.
it just seems like my only option is to just sit there and be quiet.
   
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Re: i'm at a loss of what to do. - March 16th 2012, 11:57 AM

Take a step back here from all the emotions and all the drama, and realize this is work...you don't need to 'Fix' this, you don't need to make someone else 'Feel better' or 'Like you' or see you as 'Awesome'. They do not need to 'Feel good' about you, nor do they need your personal acceptance or approval. They call it "Work" for a reason. Even if your co workers cannot see this, you can (and should), and act accordingly. It takes two to get into the drama. You know what they call it when one does it? Unemployed.

I'd let them know that you really do not at all care what they think/feel/see/need/want, that you're there to do your job...and that their continued interference with that by consistently bringing up interpersonal nonsense that is completely unrelated to your job performance will result in your filing an official complaint with the boss. And then do not address any of this interpersonal nonsense again.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: i'm at a loss of what to do. - March 18th 2012, 04:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby View Post
Take a step back here from all the emotions and all the drama, and realize this is work...you don't need to 'Fix' this, you don't need to make someone else 'Feel better' or 'Like you' or see you as 'Awesome'. They do not need to 'Feel good' about you, nor do they need your personal acceptance or approval. They call it "Work" for a reason. Even if your co workers cannot see this, you can (and should), and act accordingly. It takes two to get into the drama. You know what they call it when one does it? Unemployed.

I'd let them know that you really do not at all care what they think/feel/see/need/want, that you're there to do your job...and that their continued interference with that by consistently bringing up interpersonal nonsense that is completely unrelated to your job performance will result in your filing an official complaint with the boss. And then do not address any of this interpersonal nonsense again.
thanks for pointing this out. made me feel a lot better. ive been thinking a lot about this lately and ive decided that i;ve done all i can. i can only do so much to clear up misconceptions. so bascially ive just decided to stop worrying about it. your advice helped me reach that conclusion. thanks.
   
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