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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CubanitaChica Offline
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Angry Roommate! - March 18th 2012, 01:52 PM

So my roommate and I have always gotten along fine... until now! I'm sooo pissed at her.

My roommate had these two girls spend the weekend and I come back yesterday morning and one is on my bed, she moves, I go to run a 5K that I signed up for and I come back and they are using my pillow on the floor!

Mind you, I had never met these girls before in my life and they aren't my friends, they are my roommates friends from last year.

I go out again last night (St. Patrick's Day) and purposely leave shit ALL over my bed like hair stuff (brushes, ties, clips, etc), clothes, and what not because I don't want people idk sleeping in my BED!

I come back this morning and my roommate is asleep and a diff girl is on my bed. She pushed all of my shit against the wall or threw it on the floor, she drank from my water bottle, and she was sleeping on my clothes

WTF!!! I don't know these people, they never asked and THIS IS MY STUFF AND MY BED!!!

Which also smells NASTY because of them now!

So guess who now has to pay money to do laundry she didn't have to do before?!? This girl!

And to top it all off - theres some fucking guy idk on my floor sleeping in front of my closet and dresser.. thanks a lot.

My roommate and I used to get along so well, but this is extremely disrespectful and I am not happy with her about it at all.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
alixthetree Offline
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Re: Roommate! - March 18th 2012, 02:32 PM

I think maybe if you can just bring it up to her that you'd like them to ask about staying in your bed or using your stuff first, that might be the best way.

Did you know that they were going to be staying there for the weekend?

Roommates can be your worst and best friend and sometimes it seems like they tend to assume they know you enough and that you would be okay with things.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Re: Roommate! - March 18th 2012, 07:09 PM

Well I think its best that you talk to your roommate about this, because if you don't, most likely it will cone out when you guys are fighting and thus it would cause more problems. So its best for your to just mention it to her that you thought it was pretty rude for her to let her friends sleep in your bed without your permission.

Communication is key here, and if you don't communicate your concerns, then chances are this will happen again.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Roommate! - March 19th 2012, 10:28 AM

I think she won't stop doing that unless you talk to her seriously about this. You know when people living under the same roof, sometimes one of them will think it's alright for her to do certain things and believes that what's yours are mine as well (I don't know why but sometimes it really happens). But it's totally wrong and you need to talk it out with her and set a kind of rule or line of what she can or can't do since she's living together with you and you need some privacy as well and you deserve to live happily there (well you pay for it).

Two years ago, my flat mate used to eat the food in the fridge that I bought and once or twice I thought because she ran out of food and it's in the morning so I let her. But after sometimes I realized she kept on doing it and it's getting annoying since I was the one who bought it. Then I told her about it. Since then we both label our food in the fridge and she never ate mine again. Another story, one of my friends' flat mate used to wear her clothes too, but she couldn't talk it out with her, so she just moved out after some times

Well after all, you really should just talk to her about it and make a kind of agreement with her. And she should learn to respect you and realize that she's not living alone, but with you. Good luck!

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Skeleton Offline
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Re: Roommate! - March 19th 2012, 11:35 AM

You definitely need to talk to her about it. It isn't fair that she let people stay and sleep in your bed, especially if one of them decided to move your stuff to make space for themselves to sleep on your bed and clothes, that isn't fair so you should talk to her about it and make sure she knows how you feel about it.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Roommate! - March 19th 2012, 07:50 PM

You have to talk to your roommate if you want anything to change. Passive-aggressive tactics (like leaving stuff all over your bed) clearly won't get the message across to your roommate or her guests. You have to say, "Hey, can they sleep on the floor and use one of your pillows, or sleep on the couch? This is my bed, and I'm not comfortable with anyone else using it" or some variation of that. Be sure to bring up your concerns in a calm manner, though - otherwise, your roommate could retaliate in some way (that's what happened in my case). Respectfully state your needs, and if the problem persists, you'll be free to explore more extreme measures (ex. getting an RA involved if you live in a dorm, getting the police involved if you live elsewhere, moving out altogether).

  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Roommate! - March 19th 2012, 09:37 PM

You have to set boundaries with your roommate and clearly voice your thoughts and feelings. As obvious as it may seem to you, your roommate may be oblivious to your irritation and think nothing is wrong. Set aside time where the both of you can sit down and work together on setting rules and finding alternative solutions. This can prove useful for the both of you. I hope things get better and the problem is resolved.
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