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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Always * Offline
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He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 14th 2012, 07:00 PM

Ok, so this guy (I am a girl btw) was my bff for the longest time. But I was struggling to get things together in my life and his life was falling apart and his behaviour was messing me up. So I ended up not talking to him for over 6 months as a result.
Well, we just started talking again recently. It really seems like he's getting things together. I moved here a few years ago and even though there's all this bad blood between us, he was the one person here who didn't have some sort of religious belief or high minded opinion that would make it hard for me to talk to them about stuff. And I'm just alone all the time and I really want my best friend back.
Like ever since I talked to him last I keep thinking of all the things I want to talk to him about. And it's not even about just me, there's stuff I want to talk about that's about him too.
But is it really that easy?
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 14th 2012, 09:04 PM

Its probaby going to be hard at first and there probably will be some fights but you just need to remember hes your best friend and that you need him around, show him your willing to get past anything thats happened and that your willing to help him out if he helps you out.
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 14th 2012, 09:37 PM

He might of sorted his problem out about his life maybe he has changed his behaviour now and can help you. He is still your best friend. His life could be sorted because you see him coping allot better. Tell him what's on your mind and tell him your here to help him too. I say it's worth a try to talk to him again like you use too and to only know for certain that his life is not falling apart anymore and things are back to normal is to talk to him. Ask him how things are going. Your his best friend and hes your best friend you both are there for each other and to support one another you can do this find out if everything okay now.
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 14th 2012, 09:47 PM

Yeah, don't get me wrong, he REALLY needs help right now and he needs someone who will be straight with him and not let him concoct all these irresponsible ideas he was so fond of. Before I'd just get mad. But I never did anything cause I thought he was just in a phase and it would get better, and by the time I realized it was more than a phase I was to pissed off to keep dealing with him. Like I had so much stuff going on personally I couldn't handle it at the time. And honestly, it wasn't like I just dropped the ball. He even admittedly knows he pushed all his friends away, he never mean to, but he realizes he did it.
But I dunno... Even after 6 months of not speaking to him and hating on him and spending months before that being mad, can it really just go back to normal? Can someone still be my best friend if that's how it's been?
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 15th 2012, 10:55 PM

Yes you can still be best friends. He just had some weird ideas in his head that's all and you had enough dealing with him i can understand it can be hard work to make a friend listen to you and understand what your coming from. He doesn't think straight. under all that hate you still love him as a friend and miss him. Since he pushes away his friends he is pushing away you but he doesn't mean too. Okay if he needs to talk to someone about his ideas it's a counselor.
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 16th 2012, 12:34 AM

Yeah, the problem was it took him a long time to realize what he was doing. And I think I finally like opened up so that he understands exactly why I couldn't be his friend. Like I was there for him for months even though I was trying to get my own life together and it just got to the point where he was just getting worse. And I think he understands that. So hopefully he'll cut the crap now.... I dunno though, I don't trust people easily, and he broke mine. But I just want to be able to help him. I think that in a lot of ways having me cut him off and now realizing that that's what was going on that might have been the final push to get it together. But I don't know, I think I can help him... And like I think I might be bi, and now that we're talking again, I'm realizing he's the one person I could have talked to about that before, and now I just wanna desperately tell him... But I don't know if he's actually going to get it together and how far I can let him in
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 16th 2012, 09:45 AM

Yeah it would take time for him to think properly but now he is thinking straight now and realise whatever he is thinking is wrong he can put it behind him and so can you. if he ever thinks like this again you can help him if you want but if you had enough then let the counsellor deal with this. It's up to you to be friends with him you don't have too. You can support him still give it a try again and he always gets extra help so it's not just you having to deal with him all the time. You can be best friends again or you can just end it and don't trust him. My opinion is still be friends and let them help him and you be there to still support him.
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 16th 2012, 03:10 PM

Yeah I guess eh... I'll give it a shot. Worst comes to worst he causes problems for me again (like the kind where I am talking to a guidance counsellor and burst into tears cause of stress which he's a large part of). And if he does, I cut him off. He IS a good person. I know he still has problems AND I will support him but I can not having him severely interfering with things the way he used to. But he seems to know that now... Aghhhh why am I so conflicted over this though?? Like wanting my friend back SO bad. But this perpetual nagging feeling of "what am I thinking?"?
Any ways. I'll give it a shot.
   
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Re: He's back. But can he be my bff again? - April 17th 2012, 01:00 PM

Hes the one making you worry and you just want to cut that worry off your back but that would also mean cutting him out too but you just want to cut out only one thing and that is the stress but you don't really want to cut him out so that means you still need him in your life cause hes your close friend and you want to be there for him. Everything will be okay people who are professional helpers like counselor will change his way of thinking. It's normal to worry about him but don't worry yourself to death because that would make the stress even more worse it would like get bigger and bigger. He will be okay. You got to think it this way there are worst scenarios then this.
   
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