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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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I didn't know *rant* - June 20th 2013, 12:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mom died back in year 2000 (I was six years old) and today I saw her death certificate for the first time. Well really I went to an office today with my dad and he brought some documents along. My dad then went to the beach with my sisters. I was home alone (still am) and got curious so I looked at the documents he brought to the office which were in an envelope and he was rather protective of them. I found my mom's death certificate and well...it says they're divorced I'm so confused. I mean, I knew they argued and were on the edge of divorcing. I even remember being young, maybe 4 or 5 and being asked to choose sides. I also know my mom's side are especially not understanding about marrying someone of a different religion. I also know my mom's family put pressure on her to divorce, like so much it's so frustrating how mean they can be....I'm confused as to why there's a check mark by divorce instead of married. I don't know it makes me feel upset. Very upset actually, to the point of possibly relapsing in SH. Even though it shouldn't be a big deal, it is to me somehow. I don't know...I feel ashamed for feeling so upset. Sighs
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 20th 2013, 01:30 AM

Your dad kept those sorts of things from you because as you say, you were young at the time and parents, although we might not think it, they do things like keeping certain things from us when we're children in order to protect us. If you feel upset or concerned for what you've discovered I think the best thing you could do would be to confront your dad because I think you're now old enough to know and understand more about the relationship between your mum and dad and why there's a mark by divorce and not married.
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 20th 2013, 01:54 AM

Your upset because he didn't tell you, or that they did not tell you. Yes you were young when she died, and maybe he is waiting for the right time, maybe he thought since she was gone, there was no reason for you to know.
Still, I can understand why you are upset, try talking to your father. He might be mad that you went through them, but you did it out of curiosity. I am sure he will understand. I'm sorry you are upset, it will be okay.
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 20th 2013, 01:57 AM

thank you Sarah,
I don't think I have the courage to talk to him about it. I just don't want him to snap, or divert from the main concern which tends to happen. He also might be mad at me for looking at it in the first place. Technically speaking the folder was in my backpack so I didn't search in his belongings for it, but still...maybe when we're on better terms I guess
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 20th 2013, 02:02 AM

It's just that he talks about her like they were always married, that he was going to divorce but never did in the end. That they took a break from each other because her family was nagging and putting pressure but not officially divorce. I'm thinking about talking to him now. Still indecisive though. And sorry for the double post before, can't delete it.
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 20th 2013, 11:54 AM

I think the only to know any form of truth would be to ask. Your dad might want to steer away from the subject you've raised with him but a lot of people do this when they either feel like they don't want to talk about it or they're uncomfortable. Your dad might feel either of these two but it's up to you to keep him on track and ignore anything he says until you get the answers you need. Find a way of explaining to him gently when both you and he have a lot of time that you saw the certificate and this has left you with a lot of questions, prepare him for the question before you ask it so that he can prepare himself, this way there's less of a change he'll be angry because he may know you're going to ask more about it.
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 23rd 2013, 05:53 PM

I have to wait a little bit, it doesn't seem like a good time to bring it up. He's always so stressed, I don't want to stress him out further
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 23rd 2013, 08:20 PM

There is never a good time to bring anything up, if you wait, and he finds out that you knew all this time, it might upset him more. Don't wait, there may never be the right time to ask him about this.
   
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Re: I didn't know *rant* - June 23rd 2013, 11:02 PM

I am going to go ahead and close this thread as the answers are becoming repetitive. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.
   
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