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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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kayla16 Offline
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My mom has given up - April 4th 2014, 01:56 AM

So my mom has Leukemia and she had a bone marrow transplant in September because it had gotten worse. Well now she should be doing okay but in like November she started hiding her meds that she needed to take and wouldn't take them so she got really sick and now she's in the hospital not doing anything and she basically told us she doesn't want to leave the hospital. I don't understand why she is doing this. The transplant was successful and the cancer is gone now but she won't do anything she needs to do and she's laying in bed dying. We have to put her in a nursing home because it's too hard for us to take care of her at home but it just hurts me so much that she doesn't want to get better I just don't know what to do anymore.
   
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Re: My mom has given up - April 4th 2014, 02:36 AM

Hey Kayla,

I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. Someone in my family died from cancer about two years ago; and he did the same thing that your mom did. He stopped trying to fight the cancer because he was just so tired. He wasn't telling us that he wasn't feeling well and he passed away in the hospital shortly after. When people do survive cancer, treatments tend to kill off the bad and the good so the effects definitely are a life long struggle.

Maybe you could go talk to her for a bit and express that you are hurt from her reluctance to take the steps to get better. Is there anything in particular that she likes? Certain flowers, or candy or something like that? You could bring some things in for her to cheer her up. Pictures and scrapbooks, even, to help her remember that there is happiness out there.

Let me know if you'd like to talk!


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Re: My mom has given up - April 4th 2014, 03:06 AM

I've told her how much it hurts me that she doesn't want to get better but she just doesn't say anything. I've tried bringing in pictures and talking about things we used to do together but she just tells me to go away. She does that to everyone, though. She's just shutting everyone out from trying to help her.
   
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Re: My mom has given up - April 4th 2014, 03:16 AM

I think it's amazing that you're trying to help her! She's really lucky to have a daughter like you. Ultimately, she has to want to get better for herself and I am sorry that she is pushing you away; it's very unfortunate. I know your mom is in the hospital, but is she seeing anyone there for mental health problems?


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Re: My mom has given up - April 4th 2014, 03:55 AM

We are trying to get someone in to talk to her but the hospital keeps saying that she has to request it herself and she says no.
   
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Re: My mom has given up - April 4th 2014, 04:22 AM

Well, I'm usually against going behind someone's back; but since her life is in danger I think it is okay in this case to do so. Could you chat for a few minutes with a nurse or something and possibly request it for her? You could explain that you're concerned and would like her to be evaluated by a therapist.


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Re: My mom has given up - April 5th 2014, 02:16 AM

We've talked to the nurses and they are going to talk to get someone to talk to her but we don't know when they are going to get someone for her. Hopefully she can talk to someone and figure things out I guess.
   
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Re: My mom has given up - April 6th 2014, 01:30 AM

I'm no expert on cancer but I have had a friend suffer it as well as someone from work. I understand that you are extremely concerned for your mum because of the way she's acting and the fact she chose not to take her medication which caused her to end up back in hospital but the best thing you can do is to understand what she's going through from her position. I know you might want her to see sense and that there are so many things in the world that are beautiful and great, that you'll lose your mum if she doesn't take care of herself but the thing is, when you reach a point in life where something could effectively take away your life and you as a person can't do anything about it, no matter of happy talk can ever make it better. The only thing your mum will have thought about is that she's going to die. I understand that she has had a bone marrow transplant which was successful, but as Cassie has mentioned, she will be very tired from fighting for her life. When we're that tired, we just want to rest, not talk to anyone or do anything but just rest. Cancer treatment is quite draining and sometimes some of the simple tasks can become the biggest.

The best thing you can do for your mum right now is keep up with what you're doing and just try to be there for her. She might not want to 'see' anyone or 'talk' right now, but sitting in silence says so much more than actual words. Once your mum is better, she will give you hugs and cuddles and thanks you's for being there and taking care of her even when she was at her worst.


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