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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 24th 2014, 03:05 PM

My nan died 2-3 weeks ago. She had Alzheimer's and it had been getting progressively worse for a while now. She was admitted into hospital about 3-4 months ago because she fell (luckily my mum caught her before she fell properly) and couldn't get back up. She had just lost control of her movement. She kept having infections in hospital and her body just wasn't fighting them. She had given up.

None of it has sank in :/ It feels like she has gone on holidays or something.

I used to see her at least 3/4 times a week. I just feel like a heartless bitch and when people ask if I'm okay I sound to matter of fact over the whole thing, people must think I'm awful >.>

Is this normal? Surely I should be grieving by now.


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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 24th 2014, 03:55 PM

When I lost my uncle a month back, it had not sunk in for awhile, I still wanted to ask my grandmother if she was going to go see him on Sundays at the home like she normally would, or I would want to ask how hes doing.

Its normal for things not to sink in right away. You just have to grieve at your own pace and I am sure everyone understands that.
   
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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 24th 2014, 04:05 PM

Although we each experience loss at one point or another, it's experienced in a very unique way and this means that we each grieve in different ways too. Some can feel angry, sad, depressed, numb and so on whereas others are similar to what you've described where the loss hasn't settled in yet.

My nan died a couple of years ago and it took a few months for me to come to terms with the fact she was gone and that I'll never see her again. Just because you're not grieving for the loss of your nan right now doesn't mean you won't in the future.


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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 24th 2014, 04:18 PM

Thanks both <3 My grandad died when I was 4 and I can't remember him very well. My other grandad died before I was born. Nobody that close to me has died and I just don't know how to feel/deal with it. I want to cry but I just can't :/ I haven't cried for about a year, my anti-depressants seem to stop my ability to cry.


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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 26th 2014, 02:29 PM

Hey there,

Everyone grieves in different ways, some cry constantly and other people get on with things. It may hit you later than it does others, and that's okay as long as you deal with it and speak about things. Obviously you were close to your nan so it is bound to be a shock to you, it's going to take a while for you to process.
There's nothing wrong with the way you're dealing with this, these things take time.

I'm here if you ever need to talk.

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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 26th 2014, 02:54 PM

Hey Ceilidh,

What you're going through is perfectly normal after someone dies. It was the same with my Nan when she died a couple of years ago. The only time I got really upset back then was at the funeral, the rest of the time I was okay.

Grieving is a complicated process and there's not really a right way to do it. In fact, I'm not even sure I've finished grieving properly since last week I just got really overwhelmed about losing my Nan.

Are you aware of the stages of grief? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance? I might have screwed the order up a bit. According to psychologists people can move forward or backwards through these stages for a while until finally settling on the acceptance one.

Just let yourself feel how you feel and try not to fret over if you're supposed to feel that way. I'm here if you ever need to talk, take care


   
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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 27th 2014, 09:03 PM

I could have sworn I had replied to this >.> I'm going off my head.

I think I was in denial when she was dying. I kept convincing myself she would get better and that the hospital was the best place for her. She had always been so strong and independent, it was just weird watching her in that state.

I did cry a bit in the funeral but that was more to do with the fact that everyone around me was crying. I haven't seen my sister cry since I was little. That was overwhelming.

I've been a bit numb over the whole thing. I think it could be due to the copious amount of anti-depressants I'm on.


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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 27th 2014, 09:20 PM

Hey lovely,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Grandad 2 weeks ago and your posts have put into words exactly how i'm feeling. I just wanted to let you know i'm here if you want to chat at all. <3

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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 28th 2014, 11:11 AM

Sorry to hear about your grandad <3333 Thank you.


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Re: Still hasn't sank in :/ - July 30th 2014, 11:05 AM

I'm sorry for your loss, Ceilidh. If you ever need to talk or just ramble on about your nan or how much you miss here, I'm here.

Like others have said, grieving is a unique emotion. We all approach it various ways and sometimes people experience it later than others, not necessarily a day or week after the death of someone close. You acknowledge you miss your nan, and that should be enough.
   
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