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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Despair.. Offline
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Unhappy I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - July 30th 2014, 07:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ever since my mom passed ... I just changed completely.. I cannot even look my dad in the face without us screaming at eachother and throwing things, etc. It's awful.. My depression was contained for a series of time , but now its gotten worse. Im in therapy... not working... I just cant understand why she'd do this to me.. Its only been a year and a half , but its felt like a century without her . I know this is awful to say , especially with how my mom did it herself , but i've been thinking of ending a lot more recently . It scares me at times , because i've actually done it before and have been hospitalized ... I feel hopeless and confused and hurt... The death of my mother has ripped my family apart...

the girl who always seemed unbreakble finally
the girl who seemed strong
the girl who always laughed
the girl who never stopped trying finally

she let her fake smile fade and as she did a tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered

' i can't do this anymore'
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - August 1st 2014, 05:19 AM

i just want you to know that no matter what happens, you deserve the best. and i think that you need to rant out and talk to people about things that trouble you. i'm sorry for what happened... i wished that things would get better. i want things to get better, and that you really really deserve more. I am a fan of India, always was, and always will be.

if you want to talk to me, you know where to find me.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - August 1st 2014, 12:29 PM

Its not easy living without your mom, and I know what happen was something huge and hard to deal with.
India, things won't get better if you both don't work at it, its not just you dealing with this, its both of you.
I know its hard right now, and things are crazy even after a year, but you need to continue to go to therapy, maybe get your dad to go too, and have a family thing go on. It might be good for you both to work some things out together then separate.

You have to want things to get better, you both do, or things will continue to be hard until you both just give up. You need to work this out together.

As for your depression, there is many ways to take care of it, therapy is one of them, but it takes a lot of things; maybe medication would help you, it might be worth talking to your therapist about.

I do hope things get better for you, it will just take time. Lots of it, and lots of work.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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October 7th 2014, 11:46 AM

your not alone im sure that you will get all the help that you need

Last edited by LlamaLlamaDuck; October 7th 2014 at 12:39 PM. Reason: Merging posts
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - October 10th 2014, 08:02 PM

Hang in there, you are not alone. It takes a lot of time to get over a death. Look at the positive side of life. You only get to live once, make the most of your life.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - October 11th 2014, 02:00 PM

Step One: Go to your dad, hug him, and tell him that everything will be alright, and that you're there for him to talk to if he needs you.

Neither of my parents have died, but my dad lost his job when I was a Sophomore in high school, and hasn't been able to find anything stable since. He's a highly trained, honest, capable individual (he worked in management before he was fired for calling his bosses out for messing with their sales books) - and it kills him, not being able to work. My dad and I used to yell at each other a lot, too, but once I sat down and really thought about it, I realized that most of his shouting seemed to happen when he got calls from interviewers calling him "over-qualified". So, instead of yelling back at him, I learned to leave the room, wait until he'd calmed down a bit, then go and hug him and tell him that I loved him, and that he'd find a job eventually. Not only did he stop yelling, but he started laughing and joking with me again. My own depression went away. Even if he is my dad, I'd now describe him as one of my better friends, too.

Adults get scared, and they think they can't show it. They get angry when they're scared: Angry at themselves, angry at their families. They often think the entire world's against them, even when it's not. Your dad probably thinks that your mother took herself away from you because of something he did (a common enough response), and he probably thinks that the depression you're currently suffering from is also his fault.

Just tell him that you're on his side, and that he can count on you. And don't kill yourself, because believe it or not, there are people on this Earth that need you. Stay strong. Do not believe for an instant that this depression is permanent. I thought that once, and I was also thinking of ending things. I'd run out into the woods, hide behind a tree, and nearly hyperventilate because I was crying so much.

Something that I found which helped me, personally, was to do this:

(1) Get out a piece of paper (or buy a journal), and write at the top of it the question: "What's wrong with me?" (2) Answer yourself. Whatever's wrong, explain it in depth, to yourself. (3) Read back over your answer, objectively. (4) Either find a creative solution to your problem, or keep asking yourself questions derived from your answers, until you think you may have a solution. (5) Try that solution. (6) If it fails, begin the process all over again.

It's exactly like going to the therapist, only you're talking to yourself instead, and being able to see what you've written allows you to review your thoughts, so you can determine whether or not they're logical. A big part of overcoming depression is realizing that it's not permanent, and learning to find solutions other than killing yourself for your problems.

Life is not meant to be 100% happy. Life is meant to be periods of ups and downs, with the down times to highlight the goodness of the happy times. Life is a series of problems, all of which you must overcome to survive. Survival requires adaptation. In order to survive this depression, you must figure out what you need, and figure out ways - and stop making excuses - for better solutions. Laying it all out on paper aids you in all of these ways.

Also, though it may sound harsh, realize that you can't help - and couldn't have helped - what happened to your mother. She did what she did because she felt the same way you do about your life. Now, it's up to you to break the cycle. Do you want to die the same way your mother did? To do to your entire family what your mother did to you? Because if you "end it," that's what will happen. One huge end, no new beginnings in this life. You've got to conquer this depression, before it conquers you. It's a fight for your life. You are Katniss, and this is your arena, and you are meant to win.

Stop waiting for happiness to fall into your lap. You've got to actively seek what you need, ask for it and work for it - because everything good requires work. The act of working toward solutions to your problems will bring you out of your depression.

Hope I helped in some way, and I hope I didn't sound half as harsh as I feel I did.

Good luck, India.
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Re: I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - October 14th 2014, 10:07 AM

Hey India,

Both you and your dad are feeling pain from your mother's death, and at the moment, the only way you two feel you can deal with it seems to be by lashing out at each other. Just remember that your dad still loves you, that your mother's death does not mean that he loves you any less than he did before. If anything, you're the person he needs right now, and vice versa.

Tell your dad you love him and give him a hug. It will all get better.

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Re: I miss her , and it's tearing my life apart - October 26th 2014, 07:55 AM

My father committed suicide, its been 7 years.
I don't understand why, we were happy.
Its hard dealing with this, and till this day I sit and cry and wonder why.
but recently I have written my father a letter, I explained how my life is doing, how I miss him. I know I cant send it to him so I burnt it, but it made me feel better. I think you should try this.
My mom and I didn't get along for a while, and I blamed her a lot, knowing it hurt her, I wanted it to. now I understand its not her fault and we became close, she turned into my best friend.
you should talk to your dad and be more open, truth is he is hurt, the love of his life, the mother of his children is gone, forever.
You need to realize its not the end and you need to keep living. Your mom did wrong and so did my dad, but we need to live for them and be happy and think of the good times.
Buy a journal, write some blogs. Never hold it in and remember its okay to cry, I don't even know how I can still cry till this day because I cried so so much..
ive fallen into bad paths and im trying to get back up, I don't want to end up like my dad even though I been hospitalized for it and sent to rehabs. Your mom loves you.
Don't give you I know you can do it, we both can. And don't be so harsh on your father, he is hurting just like you.
add me and message me If you need me, ill always be here to talk,ill even share my number if I have to.

Life Is Like a Rollercoaster
It has its ups and downs.
But its your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.
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