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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Sarahbeth0227 Offline
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My friend's dead - June 25th 2015, 02:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

A few months ago on April 12, my friend died. It hurts like hell. He had heart problems and was in the hospital for months. They finally found a heart for his transplant, but the surgery didn't go well. He was on life support for two days before he died. We texted practically everyday, and now he's gone just like that. It's been a while since that happened, but it still hurts so much.
   
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Re: My friend's dead - June 27th 2015, 04:56 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss. Everyone here is always willing to listen and help. Take care.
   
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Re: My friend's dead - June 28th 2015, 02:23 AM

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. He was such a big part of your life and it's only normal for you to be struggling with this. Have you talked to anyone about how you've been feeling? I think you should talk to someone you trust, or just be around people that make you feel happy so you're not isolated. I think you should consider journaling or blogging, too, so you have a place of your own to write about how you're feeling. Whatever you do, don't keep your feelings inside because that's unhealthy and it'll only make you explode later on.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep yourself distracted. You said the two of you used to text a lot, is there anyone else you can text throughout the day? Consider writing a letter to your friend. Tell him everything you'd tell him if you could today. It might help give you a little bit of closure.


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Re: My friend's dead - June 28th 2015, 06:22 AM

Hi there, Sarah.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I realize it can't be easy to lose him so quickly like this especially since he seems to have been a big part of your life given all the time you spent talking to him. It's understandable that this still hurts, Sarah, he was your friend. I don't believe it's easy.

As Calico asked, have you talked to anyone about this? You're allowed to go through the grieving process and feel your emotions, but I think it's really important that you have someone to go to for support so that you don't feel so alone. On that note, would you be open to therapy? You're so young to be dealing with the death of a friend, and perhaps therapy would help you figure out how to cope through this easier. Along with that, having ways to express yourself is also very therapeutic. Such as keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings, or even starting a blog on here.

To find comfort, do you think it would help to write a note to your friend? Write down what you'd want to say to him and such? You could also make a monthly/yearly visit to his grave and put flowers there and speak to him for awhile, that could be comforting for you. Perhaps you could also do something in memory of him such as planting a tree for him in his memory as well.

You're welcome to continue posting and sharing your feelings on this if you'd like. Just always keep in mind that it will get easier, and that doesn't mean you have to forget about him. He'll live on in your memory and in your heart as it seems he was a really good friend. I imagine he was a great person as well. Stay strong, you aren't alone.

Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to. Take care.
   
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Re: My friend's dead - July 4th 2015, 09:12 PM

My close friend passed away Last March and it still hurts. I think you're still grieving which is normal. Everyone grieves for different amounts of time, okay? What you've gone through is something very hard and difficult and you're coping with it as best as you can but that doesn't mean it's not going to hurt you. You've lost someone close to you and that can have a huge impact on your life. Its about thinking about the good times you had together and maybe even creating a scrap book of things you did together, photos etc and even get other people to write in their memories off your friend so you remember these good things about them. I know it's really hard but try and not to be on your own either. Talking to people can do us the world of good and you don't deserve to be going through this by yourself, okay? Remember we're always here for you too and you're never alone in this.


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Re: My friend's dead - July 6th 2015, 05:37 AM

Hey there Sarah,

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend.

Talking about your feelings is a good help to help deal with the lose of your friend. Keeping your emotions and thoughts to yourself isn't always a good thing.

Spend some time with your friends and family will also help.

Writing down how your feel will also allow to get all your feelings out and reflect on what you are thinking.

I hope I helped.

If you need anything, my inbox is always open.

Take care of yourself.


   
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Re: My friend's dead - July 6th 2015, 04:05 PM

Hey Sarah, I am really sorry to hear about your friend. Everyone grieves in different ways and for different amounts of time. Talking about your feelings with someone, can be helpful. Keeping a journal about your feelings or writing a letter to your friend telling him everything that you'd want to tell him, might help you gain some closure. Be around people that make you happy, but please don't isolate yourself. You have lost someone who meant a lot to you and its natural to grieve, but you don't have to go through this alone. Reach out to someone to talk to and confide in. We're all here for you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. Take care of yourself.


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Re: My friend's dead - July 7th 2015, 04:31 AM

Thank you guys. I have a friend named Jaeden who I met while I was visiting Abram in the hospital. She's been helping me out a lot since he died. She got me a journal to write in and I've been using it a lot more than I thought.

My mom is looking into finding me a counselor to give be someone to talk to.

On of the things that really hits me hard is the fact that I can't talk to him. He was always there for me when I was going through a tough time. Sometimes I find myself wanting to text or talk him and tell him how bad things have been, but then I remember that he won't answer my texts and he won't be able to help me through this because his death is the reason I'm so torn up. Its all so twisted for me. I cry all the time at night. I have to hold my sides so I dont get too loud and wake people up. Sometimes I wonder if I should tell my mom when this happens or if I should let her sleep. I'm so confused and depressed and torn up over this. I don't know how I've even made it this long. Sometimes I want to end it. But I can't cuz I have friends and family that would be devastated if I left. I just want the pain to end for good.

Thank you again to everyone who took the time to read this all. It let's me know that there are people in this world who care and will go out of their way to help. Love you guys.

Sarah
   
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Re: My friend's dead - July 7th 2015, 04:57 AM

That's so nice of your friend, Jaeden, to be helping you like this especially to give you a journal. I'm glad you have this kind of support from a friend and also that you're finding it helpful to use the journal.

As for your mom finding you a counselor, that's fantastic and I think if you find the right counselor that you feel comfortable with, that it could be really beneficial for you.

Sounds like you're hurting so much, Sarah. That saddens me to read that you cry at night like that, my heart goes out to you and what you're going through right now. I really don't think your mom would mind if you woke her. She'd probably be glad you came to her for comfort, and I imagine she'd be happy to sit with you and be there for you. You deserve the support as well instead of dealing with this all alone so don't be afraid to reach out to her when you need, okay? She loves and cares for you.

As I haven't been in your shoes, I cannot say I understand how you feel but everything eventually becomes easier with time because time is a healer. I can't imagine how depressed you must feel to want to end your life due to losing your friend, but I do want to remind you that you're so much stronger than you feel you are, you know? You can do this, Sarah and you don't have to go through this alone. We do care and we're here for you. Message me anytime you need someone to talk to.
   
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Re: My friend's dead - July 8th 2015, 05:47 AM

This isn't to be rude or mean. This is to make you stronger.
Your friends death is a sad loss, but you can't grieve over them forever. They're in safer and better place now. They're watching over you and everyone it is they loved. Don't let this hinder you down in life. If anything, your friend wants you to be happy and enjoy life.
   
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Re: My friend's dead - July 13th 2015, 09:09 PM

I've had a few friends die over the years - one was from a undiagnosed heart condition, and the other friend died of hypothermia, one was a suicide, and another just simply died with no explanation other than unexplained death. It does hurt. The pain never like really goes. But as time goes on the pain does ease a little bit. you can always like remember them and such like and on their birthday etc do something that you used to do with them or like send a balloon into the sky with a happy birthday note on it.



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