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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Despair... Offline
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Christmas without her, but it's ok :) - December 14th 2015, 10:18 PM

Every time holidays come around, it's difficult for not only me, but the rest of my family. This season, I dont know if im either ignoring my emotions towards my mother like I have been for the past 3 years, or if i've truly accepted her passing. Im not quite sure, but I know I will try and stay strong for my family especially this year. My emotional stability is quite questionable, but I will persevere.
She had the most beautiful, caring heart in the world. If I could forgive her for neglecting me as a baby, I would. It was post pardom depression, she couldn't help it. It's ok. She tried so much for me as a young teenager, as I was awful and such a difficult child to deal with from the start on. We had a rough relationship, but she was always my favorite. I'd literally beg to go to her house if I was at my dad's house. She wanted to become a buddhist, and believed in yoga and meditation. She was the best. She had the most open mind, and EVERYONE in my community loved her. She was so popular. Did I mention how beautiful she is? She is drop dead stunning. God damn. I miss her so much. I wish she was here, so I could hug her and forgive her for everything that I screwed up. I would apologize for my suicide attempt before she completed it herself. I would take all my scars back, and all of the self hatred just to have her here. All the pain was pointless. Depression truly does kill. She was to young. Jeez. I still cant believe she completed suicide. Even typing that out is hard for me to believe. Three years and I still cant accept it! Ugh. Well I attached the only photos I have of her for her remembrance


the girl who always seemed unbreakble finally
BROKE
the girl who seemed strong
CRUMBLED
the girl who always laughed
CRIED
the girl who never stopped trying finally
GAVE UP

she let her fake smile fade and as she did a tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered

' i can't do this anymore'
   
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Re: Christmas without her, but it's ok :) - December 14th 2015, 11:03 PM

Thank you for sharing this because it both made me smile seeing the memories you two had, and it made me sad at the same time because of what happened to her. I'm gonna keep your mother in mind this Christmas to kind of honor her memory in a way, okay? She won't be forgotten and she's lucky to have you as her daughter, a daughter that loved and still loves her so much. No mother is perfect, but I can see that she loved you a whole bunch and that's all that matters. No matter what your issues were, she was your mother and I bet she understood to some extent, you know? She is absolutely beautiful and I can kind of see her in you, in a way. You two look similar. Plus, you must have got your kindness from her as well! Thank you again for sharing. I know Christmas isn't the same without her but she's still kind of with you, you know? In your heart.

I hope your Christmas goes okay this year. Early Merry Christmas to you. You can message me if you want to talk, alright?
   
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Re: Christmas without her, but it's ok :) - December 14th 2015, 11:35 PM

Thankyou Nala!


the girl who always seemed unbreakble finally
BROKE
the girl who seemed strong
CRUMBLED
the girl who always laughed
CRIED
the girl who never stopped trying finally
GAVE UP

she let her fake smile fade and as she did a tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered

' i can't do this anymore'
   
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cynefin Offline
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Re: Christmas without her, but it's ok :) - December 14th 2015, 11:54 PM

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to your mother but I am glad you shared this with us. It takes courage to share and I'm so proud of you for that. I know it might be hard to stay strong this year and we're here for you if you need anything.

I hope you have a nice Christmas.


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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