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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Dancer for life Offline
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What am I supposed to do new high school friends - July 7th 2016, 12:52 AM

I made a new friend who was my first real friend I've had in 6 years this year at school. We were great friends and told each other everything for a long time but for the last mint and a half it hasn't been that way. She will still say hi but then go on to talk to other people. No the morning me and her are usually the only people sitting together but she has invited one of her friends and when I ask what they are talking about she just tells me it's none of my business. It seems like she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and now I feel like I shouldn't trust anyone or open up to anyone she was the first and only person I talked to after I got out of the hospital once I met her I stopped hiding from people. I feel like she hates me and doesn't care or never did care. Also there is a boy at school she hates and a lot of other people hate him too because he has done some inappropriate things but he hasn't ever done anything to me and I set boundaries with him from day one. Everyone is mean to him because of his problems and I am not he will talk to me and only me and he needs someone to talk to but I feel like everyone will hate me if they know I'm nice to him and I don't hate him should I tell people I mean I do stand up for him at school but not really I'm sorry I talk to much bye.
   
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Re: What am I supposed to do new high school friends - July 10th 2016, 03:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Dancer for life View Post
I made a new friend who was my first real friend I've had in 6 years this year at school. We were great friends and told each other everything for a long time but for the last mint and a half it hasn't been that way. She will still say hi but then go on to talk to other people. No the morning me and her are usually the only people sitting together but she has invited one of her friends and when I ask what they are talking about she just tells me it's none of my business. It seems like she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and now I feel like I shouldn't trust anyone or open up to anyone she was the first and only person I talked to after I got out of the hospital once I met her I stopped hiding from people. I feel like she hates me and doesn't care or never did care. Also there is a boy at school she hates and a lot of other people hate him too because he has done some inappropriate things but he hasn't ever done anything to me and I set boundaries with him from day one. Everyone is mean to him because of his problems and I am not he will talk to me and only me and he needs someone to talk to but I feel like everyone will hate me if they know I'm nice to him and I don't hate him should I tell people I mean I do stand up for him at school but not really I'm sorry I talk to much bye.

Hey there,

You don't talk too much, the point of a forum is to talk afterall

So from what I'm seeing here, there are 3 problems all interacting with each other. (Feel free to correct me, I just want to make sure I'm understanding everything.) There's your past, and your trust issues which is understandable because you've been hurt and hadn't had any friends for 6 years. There's this person who had been your friend before, your only friend in the last 6 years but are not sure if she's still a friend to you and there's this other person, a guy that everyone hates because has problems and had also done inappropriate things but the two of you get along but you're scared to continue talking to him and to even stand up for him.

Okay, so I think the first thing I want to say here is, to find out whether the first friend is someone you want to keep in your life. It could be that she's going through something and displacing her anger or it could be she decided to find new friends. I am sorry that she is behaving this way towards you. She doesn't sound like she's been a very good friend to you lately. Had she always had tendencies for this behavior and now it's just more pronounced or is this something sudden? It is good you're assessing this friendship because you deserve to be around people who appreciate you and value your presence and the time you have together.

Secondly, this other guy, I am not sure how inappropriate his behavior was and what exactly that entailed and towards whom the behavior was directed at. I know you're saying you've put boundaries with him and I know people are making fun of him and therefore he feels alone but it sounds like you need healthier friendships and this one sounds potentially unhealthy. If he is expecting you to be his friend on the sole basis of him being lonely, I question what will happen in the long run. I also wonder how he is treating you? Do you feel like he respects you as a person? Do you feel like his past history of inappropriate behavior makes you uncomfortable? Is he seeking help for his past inappropriate behavior?

While standing up for someone is couragous, it really isn't an easy thing to do. Especially given your past with your school, and already feeling like an outsider, I can imagine it will be difficult to stand up to those very people. You can support him in other ways though, if that's what you choose to do. It is also important that he gains the skills of standing up for himself. However, depending on the context, it may be best to simply walk away rather than trying to defend oneself. In the heat of the moment, people are less likely to listen to what one has to say, and will remain saying immature things. Whenever possible, ignore the torments. I don't mean to make believe it doesn't exist. I just mean to not shout back at the people tormenting you and/or the guy. You can still learn to cope with it through expressing yourself and healing from the pain it brings.

If you or this guy is in danger though, it is important to tell a trusted adult about what's going on.


I know it's hard to make friends but from what it sounds, schoolmates are not the best candidate for this. Maybe that one guy is, I cannot tell you for sure though.
Maybe you can join activities in order to make friends. I find that the long-lasting friends I've made were not ones who've been in my class. I too have had trouble making and keeping friends, but it's something you get better at over time and keep learning from.

Hang in there, okay?
   
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