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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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My Sister is gone. - July 17th 2016, 08:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

About a month ago my big Sister committed suicide.

It was 1:30-ish in the morning, and I had just fallen asleep before I hear somebody knocking at our front door. I figured "They'll go away soon enough"

But they didn't. I decided I'd go out and see who it was, and it was one of my Mom's friends. I asked her, "What is it?" She said it was an emergency and that she needed me to open the door. I opened it and she walked past me. She said she needed to speak to my mom. I thought it was gonna something stupid like "Uh Hey I was kicked out again, can I crash here tonight?" but no. Instead My mom opened her door and let her in. I began to panic a little because it sounded serious. The friend wasn't known to be as intrusive as she was being, let alone at 1 O' Clock in the morning. I remember standing there trying to guess what had happened, and then it happened.

I heard my mom let out the most anguishing, pained, blood-curdling and horrified scream I had ever heard. I didn't need to be told what had happened when I heard that scream. My sister, Kayla, was dead. I put the pieces together. The friends sister lives in the town where my sister used to live, (She lived in Tallahassee, FL.) and the friend lives here, so she would obviously be the first person she'd call to tell us. Meanwhile I can hear thumping and screaming from my moms room, as im guessing she was flailing and panicking around. My dad comes out of the room holding back tears as he is usually a very Prideful man and he asks, "You know what happened?" and I said "Uh, did...Kayla..?.." he interrupted me and said "She's gone..." My heart raced. "You ok..?" I said yeah. At the time I felt ok about it. She was doing drugs and I saw it coming from a mile away but. Now that it had actually happened I began to panic. Things have been silent since. Grandpa and I, along with my brother and his Girlfriend, drove to West Virginia, where she was to be laid to rest. (I HATE saying that. I'd rather just call it dead then sleeping.) So she could be buried next to our grandma. All was well with me until the day of the Funeral. I had no problem looking at her, in the casket. She was so peaceful. It almost made me happy to see she her looking so calm. Though, she was a little Bloated from the hanging. Though, she looked nice. But then I went outside where my mother was waiting. This was going to be the hard part. We all decided to walk in with her to see her daughter in the casket. As soon as she stepped inside she dropped down like a ragdoll, she says she was having seizures. It was terrible. She was being buried with her stuffed bunny, Brownie, and my mom tried to shuffle Brownie a bit more into her grasp. Whoever did the embalming made her hands float up a little so she could hold Brownie. We watched them close the Casket as we all started to head out. I watched as They hauled my Sister into a car and the drove away. As they went over the hill I knew. It hit me. I was never going to see her smile again. and with that thought I know she's down there rotting away. Our family would never be the same from that moment on. Anytime I bring her up my family assumed im trying to get empathy and selfpity out of it. It hurts being in a home where your family assumes you have no emotion or empathy, and only care for yourself. Then if you try the explain it to them, it sounds cheesy because its about "feelings" and because im 14, the word "feelings" is usually a one way ticket to "He's just a teenager looking for attention" when in all actuality I miss my sissy more than I miss anyone and I'd give at all away just to hear her voice one more time.
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Re: My Sister is gone. - July 18th 2016, 10:22 PM

Hi,

I'm sorry for your loss. Your sister sounds like an amazing person who you looked up to and were very close to. I know it's not easy, but I also don't think she would want you to be in pain.

It's okay to miss her. It's not bad to have these feelings at all, and I don't think it's you seeking attention at all. I'm really sorry that your parents might see it that way though.

Since you're 14, does anyone at your school know about what has happened? Such as a teacher or a counselor? I think it might be helpful to look for help from one of them, or a professional especially since you feel like you can't lean on your parents for comfort. Counselors and the staff at your school are trained to help in situations such as these and really want to help in anyway that they possibly can. It's always worth a shot!

I hope that things get better for you, and my inbox is always open if you ever want to talk or just need someone.


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Re: My Sister is gone. - August 1st 2016, 03:26 AM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

I agree with Callisto with maybe seeing a professional who may be able to help you through this.

My inbox is always open if you ever need anything.


   
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Re: My Sister is gone. - August 1st 2016, 09:28 PM

I'm very sorry to hear about this. I know that phrase seems redundant by this point however I truly mean it.

I agree that you should seek professional help for this. You should not have to grieve on your own through this.
Maybe you can sit down with your parents and let them know that you are struggling with this because you really did care about your sister. Let them know that you want support from them and a counselor so you can get through this.
Are there any other family members you can talk to that are also griveng and that may be able to help you?

You can always PM me if you need someone to talk to. We are all here for you.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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