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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Granddad has cancer - September 5th 2016, 11:02 PM

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Hey

So just over a month ago, I found out my granddad has cancer. And I did post that my mum had started smoking, but I've gotten over that. The thing is, my mum's been trying to ring him today, but it just beeps three times, like the line has been disconnected. She thinks that either he's gone to a hospice; meaning he has from a few days, to a few weeks left, or he's already gone...

Thing is, I don't think I'm ready for him to go yet. I never had a good relationship with him; I think the last time I saw him was 10 years ago. My aunt, sister and mum went down a few weeks back to see him, and I physically couldn't go, because I knew why we were seeing him... This next part is personal... I can contact spirits and I know when he's gone, I may be able to contact him.. I can talk to my nan (His wife), and I have spoken to her tonight, and told her to let him know that I do love him, and that I'm sorry for not visiting him. I know, I may seem like a weirdo for being able to contact spirits, but I do hope no one judges, or says anything.

My mum reckons/knows he won't last till the end of the month. She reckons he'll be gone within these next few weeks, which I know will be hard for me. His birthday is tomorrow (Wednesday 7th) and my aunt says she reckons he may die on his birthday, which I know is so close, and I don't want to handle that. I don't know how I could cope with his death, but I would really like some advice.

Thanks




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Re: Granddad has cancer - September 5th 2016, 11:49 PM

Hi,
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about this.
I think the most important thing would be to have a talk with him. Just tell him what you want to tell him. It will give you some closure, so I think that will help. I know you didn't have a great relationship, but just talk. If you think it was his fault, tell him that and tell him that you love him (if you do), but want an apology. Chances are you'll get it and that should help.
The other thing I think will help, is to keep yourself busy. I don't know what works for you, but for me, listening to music and working out helps. That keeps you brooding.
If you want to talk, PM me anytime


PM me if you ever wanna talk. Send a message my way.
And remember, you matter. You're awesome. You're beautiful. Stay strong, the world will get better.

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Re: Granddad has cancer - September 6th 2016, 03:37 PM

Hey,

I'm so sorry about your grandad. I've had grandparents pass away from cancer too, and honestly it doesn't matter whether it's cancer or soething else, I think dealing with the death of someone you love is always hard. If you can see him before he passes away, you can try just spending some time with him. If you're not comfortable talking too much about the past, you can show him you love him in other ways. For eample, make him his favourite drink, or bring him some flowers or a photo of his family so he has something to be happy about. Sometimes, actions can speak louder than words. Alternatively, you could write him a letter as this is sometimes easir than saying things out loud.

Also, I don't think the fact you can contact spirits is weird at all. When my nan died, I remember feeling off all of that day, like I was afraid to move, and when I did, I was told she'd gone. Sometimes it cant be eplained, but you can feel things or contact people in ways other people can never understand. Don't ever think that makes you unsual because it can be a real comfort. Let this be a way to keep him as a part of you. You can tell him you love him, whether he can hear you or not, and it will still count.

I think the best thing to remember is that, when it happens, it's okay not not be sad all the time. There's a lot of comfort in listening to stories from people who knew them which make you laugh. It's so easy to be terribly upset, and that's ok too, but remember that this person had a life and made people happy - so you should be happy with that too. I know it's so much easier said than done, but take your time, allow yourself time to grieve because it wil be hard, and there's no telling how you'll deal with it, but when you do, be patient with yourself and with other people too. It's one of the hardest things to go through but it's also very human. If you need to cry, absolutely do, as holding it in will only make things worse. And if you need to laugh, never feel bad about it, because that's just as much a valid way to deal with it as crying your eyes out.

Stay strong, support yourself and the people around you as much as you can but never be afraid to ask for help. I'm more than happy to be there if you need someone.
   
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Re: Granddad has cancer - September 11th 2016, 08:54 PM

Hey Zara,

Thanks for coming here for some help and support. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I'll start by telling you I have lost two very close people to suicide and it breaks my heart. I've lost other people too, however I was never as close to them. I manage to accept their death a little better. I was never prepared for any of them to die. I had no idea J and S were going to kill themselves. I wasn't ready for them to go. I don't know honestly know how many people in the world, who know there is someone close to them, or just someone they know, who is ill and is going to soon pass, are ready for those people to go. I've never gone through a death, ready for that person to have gone and I believe I am not alone in that. Maybe some people prepare themselves for the death of a loved one if they are ill for a long period of time but I don't know if anyone can truly be ready for it, you know?

I do know that this must be a very hard time for you and I'm so sorry you're going through it but glad you're not alone. It is going to be hard. The grieving process is hard and everyone goes through the stages differently and expereince them differently and it can go on longer for some people than others but push through and don't be alone and you will get through to the other side. Maybe you could keep us updated with the situation on a regular basis so we can offer advice to you when things happen. For example, I hate to say it, but when he passes, if you let us know then I think I would be able to offer you advice on how to judge get through that day, then the next few days and then the following months for example. I do not want to throw it all at you now because at the moment you need to face that this is going to happen and prepare yourself for that and that alone. When it happens, we will help you deal and cope with it as best as we, as best as I can, okay? You are NOT alone.

Sending you and your family my best thoughts and wishes and all my love. Keep going and don't be a stranger. Come when you need our help.

Jessie.


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Re: Granddad has cancer - September 12th 2016, 12:17 AM

Hi Zara,

That is always such a tough situation. Both my grandma and my grandpa had cancer. I was lucky to be able to see them a couple times a week while they were palliative. My grandpa went to hospice and my grandma passed at home. I was lucky to be present at their bedsides when they passed away. My grandpa passed away Sept 23, 2013. And my grandma passed away Dec 28, 2014.

Back to you, it is so hard to have a family member pass away. Especially if you haven't seen them in a while, it's still hard, because they are family. I sorta understand as my grandad lived in England (I live in Canada) and when he passed away we didn't find out until the next day.

I hope he ends up being okay. When he does pass away/if he has passed away, we will all be here for you. I know you can get through it, I know you are a very strong person. Feel free to message me if you need anything at all.

I'm always here for you.

Brittany



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