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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Name: Carly Jessica
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Just lost my grandma UNEXPECTEDLY 😥😢😢 - September 15th 2016, 03:54 AM

Hi
So last Saturday September 10 I got a phone call from my dad that shatter my heart and made my world crumble. My beloved grandma had passed away. It was very unexpected and a total shock. I mean I know it was going to happen at some point but not this soon. I mean people called me her shadow we were so close and now she's gone
The week before on September 3 we had a massive party for her 94 birthday. But I got really sick and could not go...
But at that time I didn't think it would be the last time I would see her.
I think that's what is really killing me on the inside
The last memory of her isn't positive or happy.. It's her being rushed to the hospital by EMS because she could not breathe and had really high blood pressure. My worst fear was she would die and that would be the last time and in a way my worst fear came true
I hate that I never got to really say goodbye or give her one last hug or wish her happy birthday
Her funeral is this Saturday September 17. And I am so scared.. I don't know how I will react because I think I am still in shock I mean I am still waking up thinking she still here. I don't think the reality has hit me yet.., I am really scared for when it does sink in. This is the first grandparent I have lost and in a way I am Lucky that way because I am 21 and haven't lost any grandparents.
I just want her back
I really wanna speak at her funeral but not sure if I be albe too.
I am just super scared about the funeral!!!
So any tips would be appreciated.
   
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Re: Just lost my grandma UNEXPECTEDLY 😥😢😢 - September 15th 2016, 09:58 AM

Hey Carly,

I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost a grandparent as well before, so I guess all I can say is that it will hit you pretty hard when it does, especially since the two of you were so close. There's no need to be scared about it or try to avoid it, because it will happen and embracing it will help you heal emotionally. From what you said, I sense a lot of regret about not being able to properly say goodbye, but it really is not your fault. You not going to her birthday party has nothing to do with her death, and she does not blame you for being sick and not being able to go. Your grandma would want you to be happy and embrace life, rather than feel guilty about something you do not have the power to change.

I hope this helped and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

Kyra
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Re: Just lost my grandma UNEXPECTEDLY 😥😢😢 - September 15th 2016, 02:15 PM

I am very sorry for your loss. It's really hard to lose someone you're close to.

I am sure it is hard knowing that her birthday party was going to be the last chance you'd be able to see her. Like it has been said, the fact that you did not attend her birthday party didn't mean you loved her any less and I am sure your grandma understood that you were sick. It is hard and almost natural to look at that the what ifs (e.g. What if I had gone to her birthday party?) but try not to do that if you can because it can make you feel worse.

Maybe, instead of the scary last memory you have of her, you can think of a few positive memories or your favorite memory with her and hold onto that. It might help give you a little more comfort.

If you want to say goodbye in your own way, maybe you can talk out loud to her or write a note to her so you can release some feelings you have. The funeral also has potential to give you more closure and that can sort of be a goodbye as well. If you want to speak at her funeral, this article might be useful to you.

Everyone processes things in their own time and the reality might take a while to sink in. It could take weeks, months, or longer, especially since you were so close to her. Some people even find that they always have a hope the person is alive even though they are not. You might go in and out of understanding reality. Some days you can feel okay, and then things hit you all over again. Take things in your own time; take things one step at a time and take care of yourself.



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