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-   -   Triggering (Grieving): Tough time of year (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f19-death-grieving/t148038-tough-time-year/)

ATwentyCharacterName October 20th 2016 04:18 AM

Tough time of year
So yeah, you read the title. It's pretty tough for me during the holidays, mostly because, (I'll just cut to the chase) my uncle's death. I barely knew him though but it's a really big reason why I still beat myself up over it. I had a chance to know him, but I never took it. I could've been his best friend... He died two years ago, shot to death by cops in the middle of the night. He had apparently been carrying "suspicious" objects, so the cops went up to him. I think they frightened him, so (he had a mental problem where he was really attached to his weapons, so he had a gun at all times) he whipped out his gun and dared the officers to come closer. He thought they were just picking on him, so that's why he did it. The cops decided to immediately take him down and shot him two times each. Hearing all of this originally had brought me and my cousin (his daughter) to tears. Now I have all the tears out and I just feel kind of numb. He died in the hospital and I got the news of his death right on my birthday. Kind of birthday-ruining. And now, I don't feel anger toward anyone, I still just feel numb. Like I can't let go of his death, it has an iron grip on me. I don't know how to shake the feeling, and my friends know not to mess with me too much around this time of year. Soon enough, it'll be the second anniversary of his death. The reason I never tell anyone is because I don't want to ruin their holidays with my gloom. So I paste on a smile every time someone wishes me happy holdays, or brings me a gift. I'm filled with such self-loathing this time of year, I feel like I don't deserve it...

I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, I guess I just needed to getit out of my system. I guess I'mjust looking for some kind of support.

If you took the time to read this, thank you.
If you took more time to reply, thank you very kindly and your response is greatly appreciated. :)

RedRoseRaven October 20th 2016 06:17 AM

Re: Tough time of year
Hello Luke, I'm sorry to hear how you lost your uncle. That is really awful and I'm sorry that his death has made it so you can't enjoy the holidays. I don't know how to help you get over your uncle's death, I believe you'll have to find peace within yourself, and I think you can start that by forgiving yourself for whatever you feel you did wrong. From what you wrote above, it doesn't seem like you've done anything wrong at all. You had no way to know that you uncle would pass away so early in your life. I also don't think your uncle would want you to feel guilty about this. He'd want you to be happy and at peace. I hope this helped and I hope everything gets better for you soon.

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