My Brother Is Gone, And I Swear Im Losing My Mind. -
February 19th 2017, 05:08 PM
This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.
Okay, so my older brother died on January 6th of this year. He was shot 6 times and his killer is his ex-girlfriend. He was 15.He was goin to be 16 in April
While my brother was alive, he talked me out of suicide. He kept my mind straight. He was my main source of happiness.
The detectives cleaned out my brother's apartment, they found an entire box full of stuff with my name on the box. He was planing on committing suicide on January 27, I have the box of stuff with my name on it. It is what keeps me close to him.
So it has been over a month since he died, and I been really depressed since he is gone and school, and my home, drama typical teenage stuff, and I been getting lost in music, getting high off of drugs or getting shitfaced drunk, to numb the pain. In my eyes its better than cutting. I been also getting lost in music and when I do that, I cry and normally lay my head down. And when I lift my head up I see my brother. And with my water filled eyes, normally in middle of class, im having a conversation with my brother. I still see him, hear him, talk to him, feel him but he is gone.
I dont know why, but its trippin me out. What can I do, cause Im scared tbh??.....
¨Good luck in life
Cause I will be fine
Oh yeah, by the way I faked it every time.¨
Last edited by Cassado; February 19th 2017 at 09:33 PM.
Reason: Adding triggering prefix. :)
Re: My Brother Is Gone, And I Swear Im Losing My Mind. -
February 19th 2017, 09:40 PM
I am sorry for your loss. I think it's lovely that your brother was such a great source of happiness for you. I can't imagine how you feel now that he is gone, but I am glad you had him when you did.
Reading about the box you have of your brother's gave me an idea. What if you did something similar, for him and for you? You could decorate an old shoe box, put his name on it, and put things in it that remind you of him. You could put pictures, items that symbolize him, or some of his favorite things. When you miss him, you can take out the box and look through it and sit with your memories of him for a while.
Does talking to your brother help you? I know some people find it therapeutic to talk to their loved ones after they have passed away. If talking to him helps you, keep doing it. Whatever you can do that is healthy that helps you is worth it.
I think numbing yourself by drinking could be forcing your emotions back inside, causing them to be bottled up. Experiencing difficult emotions after someone dies is not easy, but experiencing them and releasing them in a healthy way can make it so that they're not as intense anymore. They can become more manageable that way.
That said, getting lost in your music seems like a good distraction and crying is a good release as well. Let yourself feel what you're feeling. Take care of yourself, and take it one step at a time. Everyone grieves differently and there certainly is no time frame to do so. Go at your own pace.
I think you'd benefit a lot if you talked to someone you trust about this. Maybe your family members, a friend, a teacher, or anyone, so you don't have to keep this inside. Reaching out is hard but it will allow you to get the help and support you deserve.
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Re: My Brother Is Gone, And I Swear Im Losing My Mind. -
February 24th 2017, 04:00 PM
Thanks for coming to us for some help. You don't deserve to be going through this alone and I want to tell you that you are not losing your mind. Losing someone we love can be so very difficult and while we all may find similar ways in which we cope with the loss of someone we love or how our bodies are responding and grieving, ultimately we all grieve in different ways and there is no time length and for you to be feeling like this is I think "normal". I would be more concerned if you had no emotions or anything about it at all.
I want to say I understand because I have lost seven very close people to me in the past few years however I will never fully understand how you feel or what you are going through but I can relate. I am glad that your brother some what brings happiness to you and that you had that close bond. I think that is really lovely and important to carry on.
My Best Friend completed suicide. It was so hard and my psychologist gave me a few ways to try and stay connected with her. So what I have is a little pretty box that I bought from a shop called paper chase which I feel matches her down to the ground. For years now I have written letters to her. Sometimes telling her how I feel when I am upset and sad or how angry I am that she is gone and it isn't fair or sometimes just telling her how I am and what I have been up to and that I have been thinking of her and did that that the other for her, to remember her. I then have things in that box which are related to her. For example, we planted a tree (that I can no longer sit by and talk to her like I did) and I have leaved and flowers from that tree in my box as well as things like a flower she made out of paper for me, a friendship bracelet she made me, a Disney DVD she lent me which I never had the chance to give back due to her passing away. I also have a photo of her, a plastic love heart that was of a helium balloon I release for her in her anniversary along with a rose I laid in a park for her that day. I also find so much hope in the stars for her. I hope for her and her family when they shine at night and often feel that its her guiding me to a safe place. I even got a tattoo saying "forget me not" which is the name of the flowers I grew around the tree we planted in memory of her along with stars around it and I always wear my tree of life necklace.
I mean, doing things like this, won;t work for everyone because different things help different people but maybe you can try things like these to find that comfort and to keep that connection with your brother alive.
I think it is important to remember that while it is okay to grieve and be sad, your brother wouldn't want you to feel this way forever because he very clearly loved you and I am sure he would want you to be happy. The bond between you both is clearly very strong and I couldn't feel more sorry for your loss but I want you to know that this will get easier. There will always be hard moments but there will become a time when you feel more at peace with your brother.
Please remember we are always here and you are never alone this so never suffer in silence.
Hope and wishes,
"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.
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