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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Mother's Day - May 15th 2017, 03:41 AM

Hi, I'm not really sure if this belongs here... but today is Mother's Day. My boyfriend of 2 years lost his mom in November last year so this is his first mother's day without her. Since we've only been together for 2 years I didn't get to know her as much as I wanted to, and I saw her maybe once or twice a month. He lives with me and my family and he considers my mom his second mom. He doesn't show emotions too much, but last night he was crying because he misses her so much. I really want to do something for him, but I'm not sure what she really liked and I don't have any pictures of us. Is there anything I could get or do to make him feel a little better? I never experienced a close death in my family. My uncle died last year and I miss him a lot, but no one more immediate. I know just being there for him is comforting, but I want to do something for him. He means the world to me and I don't want him to feel alone or anything
   
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Re: Mother's Day - May 15th 2017, 09:53 PM

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your boyfriends mum. My nan died in September, so this year was my mums first mothers day without her mum too, and I know that for her none of the milestones this year have been easy. For my nans birthday, we all lit a candle for her in her memory. It was a nice idea my mum did first and then I joined in. Perhaps you could suggest doing this for your boyfriends mum too? It isn't much, but it's a big symbol and it's a very peaceful thing, so it may help him just to have that candle lit for her, so that he is still doing something nice in her name for mothers day. You could also offer to go to the cemetary where she is burried with him and take some flowers and a mothers day card. He can write a message for her in the card that way, so that he still gets to tell her everything he wants to.

Try and communicate with him about it. Ask him to tell you more about her if you don't know very much. Let him cry with you and, when he's ready, he will laugh with you too because stories always end up being positive when it's someone you care about. The most you can do is be there for him. He'll probably appreciate that a lot.

I hope it all goes ok. He's lucky to have somoene who wants to make this day better for him, and I hope he gets through it ok too.

Take care.


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As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Mother's Day - May 16th 2017, 10:00 PM

The ideas of lighting a candle in honor of his mother, or of offering to go to the cemetery with your boyfriend are good ones. You said you don't know what his mom liked, but do you know if there's anything she liked to do? If not, maybe you can ask your boyfriend. You could do something she liked to do in honor of her. For instance, you could eat at her favorite restaurant or buy her favorite kind of flowers and put them in a vase.

You said you know that just being there for him can help a lot and you're right about that. Maybe you can spend some extra time with your boyfriend. It can be hard to know how to help someone, so when in doubt, ask if there is anything in particular you can do to support him.


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