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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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matthewmatters Offline
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my friend was killed - May 26th 2017, 05:02 PM

a friend of mine was killed easy to do as he knew she couldn't swim and she was pushed into the lake. she had some evidence against him that would have put him away (for an arson) its a complicated story but my life is so

just like we might not realize something until later on, i didn't realize the truth until the summer of '14 (nearly 4 years after it happened) and brought myself to tell mother after arguing this tuesday. See, it has affected me a lot and i wanted her to finally understand why i acted like this. i was just desperate

we know how to hear something horrible can kill a person from the shock. it did for Debbie Reynolds but hey my mothers been stronger then her at least

only thing is, my dad died 6 weeks ago and when i try to talk to her about what happened with my friend, how i feel now because of that, mother will just say (my husband died recently etc) and i tell her its hardly the same thing
a person to die in cancer
and a person to drown when pushed into the lake

im wishing i hadn't waited so long and just told her at an earlier point like 6 months ago when my dad was alive and we didn't know he had cancer. the concern would have been if mother could have kept it to herself ie not told dad! as it's hard for her to bite her tounge, so to speak. Still, i'm sure she would have been able to actually sympathise if i had told her back then

sorry about being this long it was just impossible to keep it brief
   
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Re: my friend was killed - May 27th 2017, 01:50 PM

I am sorry for your losses.

It is good that you talked to your mom and expressed what you could to her even though it seems like she doesn't feel ready to discuss it right now. Perhaps you could give her a little time and then try to discuss things again. You could even ask her if there is a time in the near future to have a conversation about it.

Is seeing a professional an option to you? If so, it may be worth asking your mom to see one if you're interested in it. Seeing a professional could allow you to work through how you're feeling about your friend and your dad.

In the meantime, maybe it would help to express your feelings. You could post here, post a blog, keep a journal, or express yourself through other means such as art or sports to name a few.


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Re: my friend was killed - June 2nd 2017, 01:30 PM

im terrible at that well considering i couldnt tell the cubes from squares (when i was meant to be drawing cubes) youd guess im no artist
these are the things i couldnt broadcast about though i know off people who posted of their relatives deaths or their own illness on facebook status i dont know how but they are clearly more brave then me if its the right word, but its quite a private thing for me so im only on here because of how helpful they have been said to be on here
   
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Re: my friend was killed - June 5th 2017, 12:08 PM

You don't have to be an artist to use art as an outlet; it's okay if you're not good at art. Sometimes creating something, regardless of how good it is, is a helpful distraction.

You don't have to post about your friend's death if you don't want to. It is understandable that you feel like it's a private thing and ultimately, it would help to do what you feel is best for you providing that it is healthy.

Hope you are hanging in there.


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Re: my friend was killed - June 6th 2017, 08:19 AM

my mum didnt get it when i told her this as she just had one of those "im sure the police would be able to track him down and find evidence" attitudes as my sister did, too, but realistic, a body can't even be recognised after 6 and a half years, i'd imagine...
   
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Re: my friend was killed - June 7th 2017, 12:12 PM

If a body is preserved, it may be slightly recognizable. Bodies are sometimes exhumed in some cases.

Sometimes there isn't always evidence; there isn't always a concrete telling but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Or, perhaps there is evidence that was found or hasn't been found yet. Regardless, maybe you could give your mom a little more time and then try to talk to her again. You could tell her that it isn't about the evidence, but more about the emotional support. If may help to let her know what you need.


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Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Re: my friend was killed - June 8th 2017, 05:33 AM

Matthew, I understand what you are going through right now. my freind died 3months ago (suicide), I know the feeling. play music. do arts and crafts. I play guitar in a band. I also do wood carvings. I'd be happy to send you some templates(email/pm) If you want. coloring also helps.
-it will get better
-Keagan
   
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Re: my friend was killed - June 9th 2017, 10:30 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. Just find somethign else to do and let time do the work. It iwll get better.
   
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Re: my friend was killed - June 19th 2017, 09:50 PM

Hi there.

Your post touched me in a dark spot. I have lost several friends over the past few years, but last year one of them was murdered in her home after being inpatient for over two years, recovering from Anorxia. Court still hasn't happened because they keep wanting and finding new evidence and it's very hard for many of us and I can relate to what you have said.

Its good you're talking to people about it. Some people may find it hard to relate or feel they have been through "worse" than you but this is never the case. You've lost a friend and that is a huge thing to go through and deal with. I am really glad that you're talking about it.

Have you through about seeking professional help? Maybe seeing your doctor or looking into counselling could be beneficial for you to talk through all this. I know where I live there is an organisation for people who have lost a loved one and they are amazing. Maybe you could have a google and see if there is anything like that where you live.

I know right now it's hard but it gets better so keep holding on and talking to people. You're never alone in this.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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