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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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It's hard - November 4th 2017, 03:28 AM

My best friend passed away from cancer two years ago and I haven't deleted her phone number from my cell phone. Because I wasn't able to because I hurt too much and I just didn't have it in me. My sister was looking at my phone the other day and saw her number and she said that she has been dead for two years, why haven't you deleted her phone number by now? I said it's been really hard to, my question is, is something wrong with me, why I can't delete my friends phone number? Part of me feels like when I hit delete on her phone number she is gone forever. I know that sounds stupid. I don't mean to get upset about this. Can someone please help me out when you have time.
   
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Re: It's hard - November 4th 2017, 10:24 PM

It doesn’t sound stupid at all. You lost a friend and that’s a hard thing to experience and it is okay that you haven’t deleted her number. You can delete it whenever you feel ready or you don’t ever have to delete it at all if you don’t want to; you can just leave it in your phone as a comforting reminder of the friendship the two of you had.

It makes sense that deleting her number feels so final because her death was final and a number along with your memories is part of what you have left of her. Perhaps you don’t want to delete her number because of this and that is all right. You have to do what is best for yourself and if that is keeping her alive through having her number in your phone then you should go for it.


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Re: It's hard - November 5th 2017, 12:23 AM

There is definitely no time limit on grief or how long you should hold onto your friend's number. You can keep it in your phone forever, until you get a new phone and everything gets erased, or you can delete it when you feel ready. There is one idea I do have that might help.

Perhaps you can text that number to say goodbye? Someone else probably has that number by now, so you can open with "you don't know me, but my best friend had this number before she died..." and write your goodbye note? I'm sure that person would be understanding enough to just not reply and delete the message, and you can have that sense of closure you need.
   
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Re: It's hard - November 6th 2017, 12:26 AM

Thank you both for your replays and your help.
   
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Re: It's hard - November 12th 2017, 05:34 PM

Hi London, I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. When you have lost someone, you don't always know how to make yourself feel better and if you are not ready to get rid of you're friends number, it's okay. You can keep it for as long as you need. You said that you feel that when you delete her number she is gone forever and I understand that, you want to be able to keep her in you're heart or with you as long as you can. And if you are able to look at pictures of her, this is a good way to help remember her. Because you can look at it and if you would like you can make a memory board and have pictures of the two of you and others on it as well and you can write different things around it.
I know that you are having a hard time and hurting and you will not have it forever, it takes time and everyone is different for how long it takes. So just try to do things that you enjoy doing to help pick yourself up, putting on a movie or TV show that's funny and going for a walk or drawing. I wish you the best. Lots of Hugs.
   
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Re: It's hard - November 12th 2017, 05:48 PM

Thank you so much.
   
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