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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Tigereyes Offline
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They want to get another cat - May 14th 2018, 02:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

As some of you might know, I recently lost my cat. And I always felt really close to him, but then he suddenly got really sick, and I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye because I was at college. This was a couple months ago. I haven't fully accepted it. It's really breaking me. And being at my parents house is bad because my cat is supposed to be here. I keep trying to look for him and call him and then I remember. I wake up excited talk to him during breakfast and then I remember. I have dreams where I see him and then I watch him stop breathing. And I can't make it stop, but college didn't stop so I forced myself to push this away to survive the semester. And now apparently 3 months have passed but it feels like just weeks. And now apparently my parents want to get another cat and have been talking about it for weeks. Another maine coon. They know someone with kittens and were showing pictures to my brother. They didn't tell me. I was confused about my mom showing my brother a picture of kittens but thought nothing of it at first (maybe someone she knew just adopted kittens) but she didn't show me--that's when I questioned it. I asked my brother what that was about when my mom left the room and he explained the thing about adopting another kitten, seeming surprised that I didn't know. So I guess I'm mad about that too. I feel lied to and betrayed. I don't want another cat yet. It's too much for my cat to not be here. Seeing another cat (and of the same breed) in his place will only make it harder on me. I wanted to confront my parents earlier when I first found out, but we had family over and I couldn't hold myself together anymore so I locked myself in my room and cried. I don't know what to do or how to cope. I'm really struggling. Being sober through this is so hard and I don't want to be because it hurts too much. I just want to escape this pain however I can.


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Re: They want to get another cat - May 14th 2018, 06:56 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty. We lost our second last month. Our first one died in 2009, I was 20 and we'd had him since I was 8, so I took it pretty hard. I dreamed about him too and cried myself to sleep for weeks. I think it helped that we had our second one. This time was easier for me in a way because I watched him get sick and I saw him at the end and could tell he was suffering. I still find myself looking for him out of habit in his favorite sleeping spot, watching where I walk to avoid stepping on him, or looking where his food bowl used to be checking to see if it's empty. He was also very vocal, so it gets too quiet. I am the opposite in that I kind of want another one, but my mom said no more. It's hard and there's no way around that, as my mom said, it's the price of loving a pet. The more you try to numb it and run away, the more painful it's going to be because you'll just put off dealing with it. Maybe your mom didn't show you the pictures because she didn't want to upset you. Everyone grieves differently, and you have a right to your feelings about this. It never goes away, but it won't hurt this badly forever.


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Re: They want to get another cat - May 14th 2018, 12:21 PM

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now and I hope you will be okay soon. When you have lost a pet and it is hard to be okay and I am sorry that you we're not able to say goodbye. Also, sometimes people want to get another pet and sometimes they don't want to right away it's how they are feeling after that pet has passed away.
But it will never replace the one that you lost. This new pet is going to be completely different. And it is okay to still miss you're cat that passed away, and you can take you're time to liking the new animal that you're parents want to get. You do not have to pick it up and be super happy if that is not how you feel, you can take you're time and little by little to bond with this new pet until you are okay and feeling a little bit better.
I know that you still miss you're cat that passed away, you can put pictures in a scrapbook to have that cat with you in you're memories. Try to do something to help pick you up, going for a walk, or putting on music or funny TV shows or reading to help you out some. I hope that you will be okay soon. Lots of Hugs.


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Re: They want to get another cat - May 19th 2018, 04:59 AM

Thanks for the support. I think I will want another cat sometime, but it's just too soon to even think about right now. I had to leave my parents' house early because it was too difficult for me to deal with (I had gone home for Mother's Day weekend). I'm currently living with roommates, and one of my roommates has a cat, but that's easier to deal with because he's my roommate's cat--not mine--so it doesn't feel as bad, although even that was difficult at first. I feel like I'm not getting the time I need to grieve, or even process this at all.

I know that numbing out is bad, but I was already in such a bad place before I lost my cat that I'm not sure what else to do at this point. I know it'll come back to me later, but when everything is already so bad, I'm not sure that putting it off until I'm ready to deal with it is such a bad idea.

And I'm sure my mom had good intentions for keeping this from me but it's still extremely upsetting to me. I don't think the new cat and I will bond well because I'd be at college a lot of the time, so there wouldn't be a chance for that bond to form, which I think will hurt even more. I don't know how to move forward. I don't know that I want to move forward--at least not yet. I'll I've been able to do is mentally escape one way or another because I've had to survive the semester. And now that the semester is over, I know I need to face reality, but I'm not sure where to begin, and my parents are expecting me to already move on.


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