TeenHelp - Should i go to the funeral?

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)

- Death, Grieving and Coping With Loss (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f19-death-grieving-coping-loss/)

- - Should i go to the funeral? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f19-death-grieving-coping-loss/t156014-should-i-go-funeral/)

Should i go to the funeral?

Hey guys! I’m really confused how to feel right now about things that are going on. As I said in my last post, my grandad died a few days ago and today I found out that his funeral is on the 4th June so just over a weeks time. I’m really not sure if I should or want to go or not. I have never been to a funeral before as I couldn’t face the last one I had a chance to go to so have no idea what to expect and I think that is one thing that is stopping me from wanting to go. I think I will feel bad if I don’t end up going and I don’t want to upset my dad from not going either but at the same time I’m not sure if I can face the funeral.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is if you guys have any advice for me about whether I should go or can explain a bit about what I should expect if I do go.

Re: Should i go to the funeral?

Hello,

I am so sorry for you're loss and I hope that you will be okay soon. Hugs. When you are going to a funeral and you have been before or this is you're first time going, it can be hard to go and not sure what to do. That is okay to be like that, that's how some other people feel too. When you are at one you are going to be with different people, they are friends and family members. And if you do not know all of them that is okay because they knew him and want to go. Some people are going to be really upset and crying and some will not and that is totally fine however you feel you need to be. It is good to go because you can say goodbye and come close with friends and family members because you are all feeling the same thing. You can sit with you're family and have them help you with this. Sometimes if you do not go after it is over you sometimes feel and are thinking about did I make the right decision. But it is up to you. I hope you will be okay soon. Hugs

Re: Should i go to the funeral?

Hey there,

I went to my first funeral when my nan died and I was fearful about what to expect too. It's a difficult thing to go through and you should know that you're under no obligation to go if you don't want to. The funeral will depend on what type of service (e.g. if it's religious etc), but they're personal so it also depends on the person and those who arrange it. I've been to two now, and both involved somebody doing a little talk about the persons life and family. There is usually some music which can also be chosen by the family, and sometimes poems or quotes too, as well as a program sometimes.

The main thing you can expect is that it will be very heartfelt and emotional. People will likely be visibly upset and crying, but it's a wonderful way to pay tribute to someones life.

If you choose not to go to the funeral itself, you could go to the wake which happens after. This way, you can still show your respects to your granddad and talk to the other people there too. This is usually much more relaxed and there is sometimes food and drinks too. It's a nice way to talk about him without being in a room designed for crying in (which is what I had in my head all the way leading up to my nans funeral). It takes the fear out of it a bit.

The choice is entirely yours. I don't regret going despite my worries, and I'm glad I got to see my family off, however it is a tough thing to do. It's painful and emotional, and its completely understandable if you choose not to go because of that. Don't feel bad either way, your granddad would understand.

I hope this helps.