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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Oneirophobia♥ Offline
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My grandma - April 28th 2019, 12:16 AM

I went to my grandmother for everything, and I mean every little thing. To new outfits, looks, glasses, or any time I was alone I would call just to talk to her.
Then she got sick, and I got scared, and I stopped doing that as much, and I regret it now.
I did get to see her one last time, the night before, and she kept calling me baby girl, my little girl I knew you would come. I love you miss you etc. She was so drugged up for pain control and to make her comfortable, she passed at home, and she woke up a few times and continued to tell me she was sorry, she tried, I didn't know if she meant to stay awake, or to stay healthy and here on this earth, but it hurt and sits with me.

I haven't dealt with this at all in a good way, I cry and let it out at wrong times when i'm alone and when I do talk about it I get shut down by my mother about it, she doesn't want to hear it or talk about it, shes gone there it nothing we can do life moves on type.

Any advice ?


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Re: My grandma - April 28th 2019, 01:52 AM

Hello Christine,

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you will be okay soon. You said that you we're always very close to your grandma and you would always go to her for everything. If you can try and remember all of the memories that you had with her. It is always good to keep her memory with you. You can remember the times that you two went and had lunch or she helped you out with something and how it made you feel.

Also never beat yourself up when you we're not able to go and see somebody as much. Because if she was here right now she would not be upset or angry with you. Please do not be hard on yourself for this. You are, and we're a wonderful granddaughter. I know that you are hurting and may not be able to see it right now.

Are you able to talk to someone about how you are feeling? Would you be able to talk to another family member and let them know that you are having a hard time with this? Or would you be able to talk with a therapist or a counselor and let them know what you are going through right now? They would be able to sit down and meet with you so many times a week and you can just talk to them about this and they can help you to feel better.

Would you be able to make a scrapbook and put all kinds of pictures and different phrases and words in this book to help you so that you can remember her. You can have your friends and family members or anyone else help you with this. It can help you. It can bring you and other people together. Also try and do something to get your mind off of this if you can. Try going for a walk or you can go by yourself or if you want to go with somebody. Or if you like reading or drawing or painting or putting on a funny movie or TV show are calling a friend or being around family members or doing anything else that you truly enjoy doing.

When someone passes away it takes time to grieve. You take as much time as you need. It's okay to let yourself cry and if you want to be by yourself or if you want to be around alot of people you can do that. You always want to do what feels best for you. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you lots of hugs.


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Re: My grandma - April 29th 2019, 09:52 AM

Hi there Christine,
I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. Losing a family member is never easy especially when you had a special connection with them.
What Golfing girl has suggested might be able to help in regards to dealing with the grief.
I unfortunately cannot offer much advice but please know that I'll be here if you ever need to talk.


   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: My grandma - April 29th 2019, 06:50 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. She was a source of support and comfort for you and it makes sense that you would be struggling since losing her.

When a loved one gets ill, we can feel a range of emotions and it's very common to feel scared. It makes sense that you would've lessened how much you used to depend on her during this time. And I understand that, looking back, you would regret that. But please don't be hard on yourself as it sounds like you were trying to cope in your own way.

It must've been very difficult for you, seeing your grandmother one last time, the night before she passed. Those last moments can stay with us for a long time and it makes sense that not knowing exactly what your grandmother meant would cause you to be upset, more since she was apologising. But what is clear is that she loved you very much and she knew just how deeply you loved and cared for her too. I agree with Emma in that focusing on the good memories can help a bit.

It's more than okay to cry and it makes sense that you may feel your emotions are all over the place and that you are crying at 'the wrong time'. But there isn't really a right or wrong time to cry; sometimes it just happens. Crying alone can help get all of your feelings out if you feel uncomfortable crying in the presence of others. But breaking down in front of others is okay too.

I'm sorry to hear that your mother doesn't want to talk about it. We all grieve differently and some people may not feel the need or want to express their emotions and may (unfairly) feel that others should do the same. But you still deserve support and comfort during this time. Is there anyone else that you could talk to, someone that you trust? If not, perhaps someone that knew your grandmother well may be willing to listen and comfort you. And we are all here for you too


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