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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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My grandma just passed away yesterday :( - September 5th 2020, 01:58 PM

My grandma just passed away yesterday. I loved her so much but I have so many mixed emotions I dont know how to make it through this. Im adopted so I only got to know my grandma for 6 years. I feel robbed of time with her. Its bringing up alot of undealt grief from when my beother died when I was 7 and my aunt passed away from cancer a few years later. Yesterday In the hospital room I saw my dad break down and cry and thats the first time ive ever seen anyone grieve. So I let myself cry and it unleashed a fury of emotions from undealt grief with my brother and aunt too. Im in so much pain and keep crying. But I feel guilty for crying. I feel that I should be strong for my dad because it was his mom. I cant let him see me cry and feel like I have to hide it. I just cant believe shes gone. She cant be gone. NO. Please dont let it be true. This is so much. I dont know how to get through this.


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Re: My grandma just passed away yesterday :( - September 5th 2020, 04:07 PM

Hello,

I am so sorry that your grandmother has passed away and I hope that you will be okay soon. When this happens it is totally fine to feel however you would like to feel. Do not let anyone tell you how you need to feel, everyone is different when it comes to this. Some people can talk about this and they are totally fine doing it and it does help them, other people have a really hard time talking and keep to themselves. Then some people are angry or will cry all the time. We will all feel differently and it is okay. Please do not feel bad about crying or getting upset about this, you loved her and when we love someone like this we feel our love and our heart breaks and I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Would you be able to talk to someone about how this is making you feel? Can you try talking with a friend member or friend or someone at school or the school counselor and let them know that you are having a hard time with this and you need someone to talk to. Or if you are not able to talk with them face to face then maybe try writing a letter and put everything in it that you are having trouble with and then you can give it to them and at the end ask them to try talking together. When you have time try finding something to get your mind off of this for a while so that you are not thinking about it so much. Going from a walk or listening to music or drawing or painting or calling a friend or putting on a funny movie or TV show or movie or something else that you enjoy doing. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you hugs to help you.


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Re: My grandma just passed away yesterday :( - September 6th 2020, 07:12 AM

Hello there,

Thank you for coming on to TeenHelp. It is no doubt a very difficult time and I give you and your family my condolences.

Death of a loved one is such an overwhelming matter to deal with. I want to assure you that you don't have to feel guilty at all for crying. She was your beloved grandma - it's natural for you to grieve her loss. In fact, crying will help you cope better with the circumstances. You can still be of support to your family members, but don't worry about having to cast aside your emotions as you'll have your own grieving process too.

One thing that will give you strength in due time is acceptance. Acceptance is liberating. When we accept that death is a part of life and that for every being that has taken a birth in this world, there is a time to go, it becomes better for us to psychologically cope with this loss. The strong are those who are tolerant both in times of happiness and distress, for these experiences will make you stronger in facing the harsh truths of life.

It will give you great strength to remember the good times you've had with your grandma in the span of 6 years that you've known her. You can even write them down in a nice letter, which you can pray reaches her soul. Perhaps you might want to hear some stories from your parents (once they are feeling better of course) about some amazing things your grandma did in her lifetime - it will be a nice way to celebrate the contributions she has made in your lives and remember her from time to time. It will help you come to terms with the fact that she would now have moved on to a better place.

I agree with Emma that you could definitely talk to someone about how you're feeling. Death of a loved one leaves us in a jumble of grief, denial, pain and confusion, so speaking about it will definitely help. You are most welcome to PM me if you'd like to speak to someone. And yes, you could try to do some activities that would give you some sanctuary from all that's happening.

In difficult times like this, we often forget to take care of ourselves. I hope that you're eating and sleeping properly. Take care, this tough time will tide by!!

   
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Re: My grandma just passed away yesterday :( - September 7th 2020, 03:30 AM

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother. A death of a loved one is never easy and I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. Take your time in regards to how you grief and please remember there is no right way to do so. If you ever need anything, please let me know.


   
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Re: My grandma just passed away yesterday :( - September 30th 2020, 11:32 AM

My heart is breaking while reading your post. Why would you be guilty about it? It's okay to cry and grieve. It doesn't matter if blood or not. You love her all the same. Grief is such a dark and sad word, but you have to go through it in order to feel acceptance eventually. Life must go on. Sorry for your loss XXX
   
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Re: My grandma just passed away yesterday :( - October 1st 2020, 06:54 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that your grandma passed away and you feel you didn't get to spend enough time with her. It sounds like you've experienced a lot of grief over the years, and perhaps never gave yourself permission to grieve fully. Seeing your dad crying seems to have triggered that grief within you and it gave you permission to cry and grieve too.

I don't think you have to be strong for you dad. There's no need for feeling guilty about crying either. Your dad lost his mom, and you lost your grandma. Even if you didn't know her for as long as your dad, you are still grieving. You don't have to hide your grief or tears. Sometimes grief can connect us- it might help you and your dad to talk about how you have been feeling. It can help to know that you aren't alone in dealing with the loss. It sounds like both you and your dad could do with some support, and maybe you can support each other


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