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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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x-x-xblackx-x-xrosex-x-x's Avatar
Name: Mags
Gender: Female
Location: Ireland

Posts: 361
Join Date: January 15th 2009

She died in front of my eyes - June 29th 2009, 12:53 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

WARNING- this will be long and very desriptive, so please be sure you want to read it!

So last night,My grand aunt Rita got very sick. She has been sick for a long time, but went down very bad last night apparetly. I saw her only a few hours before hand and she seemed okay, not great, but okay. So when we got the call that she was going to be taken to the hospital, I said I would go in with my aunt[ Chris] and other grand aunt [ sarah], not thinking it would be bad, and so my dad could get a bit of sleep and rest. So we went in and when we got to A&E, we were taken into this interview room and told that when she came in she was barely there and after a few minutes her heart stopped, but they managed to revive her. We were told that she didnt have very long and were asked that if it were to happen again, should they revive her or just let her go. We decieded to revive her if it happened again but if it was to go wrong that time, to just let her go.
So I rang my dad and told him to come in and to call around the rest of the family.
So just after my dad came in, they moved her into the room with us. She looked so scary, the image will never ever leave my mind, its like its drawn on the inside of my eyelids and everytime I blink, its there.
She was lying there with her eyes open, one of her eyes is fake so that wouldnt be moving anyway, but her other eye, it was so lifeless, so dead. She had tubes coming out everywhere and her hands kind of crossed. It was heart breaking. Sarah had lived with Rita her whole life, they are sisters. Just watching this old woman walk over to the dead body of her sister and say 'hello Rit, how you feeling? You'll be okay' and then saying 'Rita, oh rita' and she started crying.
I had to leave the room and I burst out crying outside, I didnt want Sarah to see me crying because it would have made her worse.
I mean like wtf.. It was only a few hours before and I had seen her. I was taking in the turf into the house for herself and Rita and she turned to me and said 'your a great girl' and then not 10 hours later, Im there looking at her dead body. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT??
Then the preist came and said the blessing and at this point there were 10 people there with her and even the priest was crying. We said the rosay and said goodbye.
Its going to be so weird without her around. So strange to say im going down to Sarah, not Sarah and Rita anymore.
She was such an amazing woman, she was one of the best musicans Ireland will ever see. She won a lifetime achivemetn award. She was fantastic and she had an amazing life.
I just dont know what it will be like without her, she has always been there in the backgroud smiling, laughing or playing a tune or up dancing a jig or a reel.
She was what people define the Irish to be, she was friendly, musical, loving and kind.
There will never be another Rita.
And it breaks my heart even more to see Sarah.
I was down at the house today[ they-she, only lives about a 1 minute walk away from me] and when I went down there, the whole family were there. It was so sad, becasue they each had thier own chair by the hob and Sarah was siting on hers looking across at Ritas, saying over and over 'the poor creatuure' and then I was brought to see how clean the made Rita room and it was lovely. But it was only 2 days ago that I sat with Rita in that room, smoking a fag and talking. 2 days ago!! And now, now its prepared for her body!
I cant stop typing here, Im really sorry.
For my cousins 21st [ we are a very close family and all live within 5 mins of each other] we had a party at their cottage . And it went on untill all hours.. dont think it stopped at all. There was music and singing and dancing and when anyone tried to leave,Rita would pop up with ' musha would you sit down and dont be going anywhere'. We would all laugh and they would sit back down.
I have know Rita since I was a baby and how 19 years on, Im going to say goodbye to her.
It just doesnt seem real at all.. It feels like if I go down to the house now. I will see the two of them sitting in thier chairs and be welcomed with ' Ah here's our girleen, come in and sit down'.,
She was friends with the whole world, their front door was open come winter rain or summer shine and whoever would darken the door they would be greated with a cup of tea and some brown bread.
It just scares me to see how fast someone can go and just cant believe she is gone.

Sorry this was so long guys, There is so much more to write , but I will stop.

R.I.P. Rita.

The lord says 'before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart'

Jeremiah 1.5

Just keep swimming swimming swimming - Dory from finding Nemo!!

Hold your head high princess, for tomorrow is another day.

You can do tonight without the help of a blade and wake in the morning with the feeling of accomplishment

PM me anytime, I am always here to be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear whats bothering you and words to make you see the hope


Last edited by eunoia; July 1st 2009 at 12:01 PM. Reason: I'm sorry, but we do not allow photos in this forum.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Yamada Offline
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Re: She died in front of my eyes - June 29th 2009, 09:25 PM

we've all lost people in our lives and it really sucks. I've lost people important to me. And the thing is it DOES get better. You learn to cope and the best thing to do now is cry. She was important and she was loved. Just let all the pain out and remember the good times. It's tough losing someone so close but I'm sure she loved you. You might have nightmares about her dying. But remember...that wasn't her.
She wasn't the sick person in the bed in front of you. She was the musician, the lady that took care of you. Remember only the good times.

Good luck!

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
eunoia Offline
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Re: She died in front of my eyes - July 1st 2009, 12:06 PM

Hey, Mags.

I'll be honest with you, I teared up reading this. It sounds like Rita really, really meant a lot to you and I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I wish I could offer you something more, but I'm at a loss for words. Nothing I could ever say will bring her back to you and, for that, I am sorry.

Losing a loved one is never an easy thing to cope with, especially when they are gone so suddenly. As you said, it can be so shocking and heartbreaking to realize how fragile life is and how quickly someone can be pulled from our grasp, long before we are ready for their.

I hope you know, though, that Rita will always be alive in your heart. You cannot sit at the table with her, anymore; she cannot hand you a cup of tea. But every memory you have of her, from dancing to sitting around smoking, is yours to keep forever. No one, not even the end of life, can take that from you. Carry her in your heart and try to be at peace.

Please take good care of yourself and let me know if you ever need anything. I'm just a PM away.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
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Re: She died in front of my eyes - July 1st 2009, 02:35 PM

I'm so sorry for your troubles love
Losing a loved one is always hard to take in at first. I know you'll really miss Rita but it sounds like she lived a well-lived life and it was just her time to go. Just remember to keep taking one day at a time. Things may be difficult now but they WILL get easier. Your family are gonig through the same thing so maybe you guys could talk together and help to support each other.
Take care love. xox
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: She died in front of my eyes - July 15th 2009, 06:33 AM

Wow reading what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. I've never really known any of my great aunts, but you seem to have been very close to yours. Its so hard losing a loved one. People say "oh I know how you feel" and all that babble bull, but everyone grieves differently. No one knows how a praticular person truely feels about losing a loved one.

One thing I can say is you think its never going to happen to you. Espicially if you don't really have any loved ones that are terminally ill or really sick. I never would of imagined that I was going to lose my sister. My mom had talked to her on the phone the night before. The one thing I can say is I do know what its like to look at someone who last time you saw her was full of life and talking to you and telling you how much she loved you, and then looking at her laying there lifeless on all these tubes and ivs in a hospital bed. I swear it was the worst thing I've ever had to witness and I hope me or the rest of my family never has to go through that again.

Like the people above have said it will get better in time. Some people only need weeks, some need years to feel more like themselfs, but you will never fully be yourself again. I know I won't for a fact because I will never be able to see my sister again or talk to her again. I won't be able to ask her advice on guys or friends or whatever you talk to your big sis about. Sometimes I feel angry and say its not fair that shes gone. She was a wonderful person and didn't deserve to die. One thing you have to remember is that your great aunt and my sister and other people who have passed away are in a much better place than we are and they are no longer suffering. I know I probably didn't help to make you feel better. I'm bad at these types of things, but in all honestly nothing I can say will probably make things better. Just hang in there and remember the good times and take care of yourself. = )

Labyrinth <3
Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City

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