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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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silentmuffin Offline
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I held her hand. - July 3rd 2009, 03:29 AM

My grandmother passed away today. I thought it would be more, I don't know...just more something. I thought I would feel the moment she finally let go. But I didn't. It didn't feel like anything. I don't know if she even knew I was there. She opened her eyes for a second but it seemed like she didn't see us. I thought I would feel her presence telling me everything is okay now. I didn't feel anything but my sadness.

She didn't deserve to suffer the way she did. She was the most amazing person I've ever known. I don't think anyone has been more to someone than she has been to me. She's my grandmother, but she was a second mother to me, a best friend, a partner in crime, a teacher, a shoulder to cry on, and most importantly a model of everything I hope to be for someone one day. She taught me everything I know about life, love, family, friends, and fun. She had a sense of humor like no one else on earth. If you met her one time, just talked to her for five minutes, you would remember her for the rest of your life. She is truly an original...one of those few people who light up every room they enter.

I had a dream about her last night, she was standing up on her own, walking in her room with her favorite robe on. She hasn't done any of that for weeks, maybe even months. And I saved the last two cards she gave me, for my birthday and Christmas. I don't know why but they kept falling off the shelf last night. I scanned every picture we have of her in my computer today, I don't know why I did but I felt the urge to do it. And not even an hour after I finished, not even an hour after my mom got home from putting the check from my grandmother's house we just sold in the bank, she passed away.

Just last month she was still able to walk over to her table and eat dinner and watch tv. She reminded us all how to tie my brother's tie for his graduation since none of us knew how to do it. I can't remember the last time she hugged me... all my memories seem to be stuck on her last few weeks. She seemed so different, so small, so far away. I hate remembering her like this. I don't know how to live without her. The longest I've ever gone without seeing her was the two weeks I went to Australia last year, and it was hard to be away from her for that long. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know who I am without her around.

I don't know what to do.


Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
   
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Re: I held her hand. - July 3rd 2009, 04:13 AM

Hello Lyndsay,

First of all I'd like to give my condolences. I know how much the word 'sorry' is useless in this situation. Your grandmother sounded like a wonderful person, even from the short description you gave. Right now the most important thing to remember is that she still is that wonderful person in your memories. Although you may not have her physically anymore, what she did and how she was will always stay with you, through thick and thin. She didn't deserve to suffer, and just keep in mind that she isn't anymore. The best thing she could've ever given you was her time, her love, and her memories, which you still have.

It's said that if you have a strong connection with someone (like you and your grandmother) you can sense things. Some people might sense the pain another is going through, or even the time of death. Maybe you uploading pictures of her was your 'sense', since you didn't know why you were doing it, you just had an urge. It's a shot in the dark, but I have reaons for believing it.

Just stay close to family and friends. It sounds like you have a large support system, so lean on them. Your grandmother will still continue to be a part of your life, from the lessons she taught you which you still may use, or the memories of the quirky things she did. Don't lose sight of yourself, or the memories. If you need an extra pair of ears (or shoulders!) I'm always around.
   
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Re: I held her hand. - July 3rd 2009, 08:32 AM

Lyndsay,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, it's horrible losing a family member. My Grandad passed away last year and it's still very hard for me, and I know it may seem hard but trust me, time is the best healer and it'll get easier. Just think of it this way - she isn't suffering now, she's in no pain and she's looking over you making sure you're safe.

Be there to support your family as I'm sure they'll need you more than ever. Looking at pictures and talking about old memories is always good, it loosens the mood a little and will maybe even put a little grin on your face, I know that seems impossible right now but trust me, she wouldn't want you to be upset over it. Dreaming about her means that she's still there with you, and it might even be quite comforting to you too.

Once again I am so very sorry to hear about your loss, feel free to PM me if you have any problems or even need to just vent at me, that's what I'm here for.

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Re: I held her hand. - July 6th 2009, 12:29 AM

Hi there, Lyndsay. I'm sorry I didn't see this post sooner, but I'd like to reply now.

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it can be to loose a grandparent--my grandfather just passed away a month ago. It sometimes feels like a part of you can be missing if someone close to you [especially very close, such as a grandparent] passes away.

However, know that your grandmother is hopefully at peace now and is happy wherever she is. It's okay to feel sad or angry or upset at her death. It's also okay to lean on family and friends. You also have TeenHelp to lean on as well. I've found that by expressing the emotion I feel, it eases the pain a little. Keep the memories you have of your grandmother close, and also know that she'll always be with you in your heart.

If you need to talk about anything, please feel free to PM me. I'm here for you.
   
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