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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Arrow I don't know how to feel - January 10th 2010, 10:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I need to get this off my chest. I just need to. Two other people in the world know about it, and I don't talk to them anymore.

I was sexually abused by a former teacher.
Former teacher was caught for abusing a 14 year old boy. I still did not tell anyone. Did not think anyone would believe me because it was suddenly so high-profile. Was too scared that someone would report it to the police.
Last week, former teacher committed suicide.

I haven't cried about it, even though all my other friends have.
I feel like something is exploding inside of me, but for some reason I just can't cry.

There's a funeral on Wednsday. I'm not sure if I want to go. But something tells me I might. He was obviously in a very sad place..to do that to children, you know?

The funny thing is that I don't hate him..I'm angry..but I feel bad for him. He was just a tragic person in general. He didn't deserve this.

I feel like I should be upset - maybe not in a "grieving" sort of way. But upset, nevertheless.

I guess I just needed to tell someone.


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Re: I don't know how to feel - January 11th 2010, 07:13 PM

Hey Jess,

It is good you posted this and got out how you are feeling. I suppose it must be really confusing for you because he hurt you but now he has resulted to killing himself, which is sad. But in a way good because at least he can't now go on to hurt anyone else. I think it is only natural to feel angry and you have every right to feel like that after what he did to you. It was totally wrong and he should have had to suffer for it.

No one deserves to die but I suppose that is a choice he made. It is up to you whether you go to the funeral. One thing though it could bring back memories if you do but then it might help to get out how you feel.

I am always here if you want to chat. Stay strong.
   
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Re: I don't know how to feel - January 11th 2010, 07:43 PM

Thanks Jen =)

He was an extremely accomplished teacher. He won a national award for it.
I seriously, seriously thought that I was going insane for a couple of years after it happened because it just seemed so unlike him.
Then this kid comes forward, and his family has a ton of evidence and I felt awful for not reporting it. Since it was a boy..I didn't really know how to feel either.

He was a very sad man. I could see it then, and I can see it now.

I decided to go to the funeral.


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Re: I don't know how to feel - January 12th 2010, 06:01 AM

Hey!
I'm glad you decided to go! Yeah, it would have really been confusing, especially since it was a boy too. But what's happened has happened huh?
I hope things are okay with you!
x


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Re: I don't know how to feel - January 12th 2010, 05:11 PM

Your welcome How did the funeral go?

PM me anytime if you want to chat. Stay strong!
   
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Re: I don't know how to feel - January 12th 2010, 08:58 PM

Sorry for what happened. Sorry.
   
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Re: I don't know how to feel - January 13th 2010, 11:41 PM

Thanks guys.

I went to the funeral today, and I'm ultimately really happy I went. I cried a lot and I never, ever cry about this. He had a lot of people who loved him. I hugged his mother - a few times, actually. It was really cathartic, and I feel better about this. Better than I have in years. It's still not okay. But I think he was a good person, at heart. I really do. I don't know if that's strange or stupid. But I'm so glad I went.


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