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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My mama - July 11th 2010, 05:37 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mother died last week, last Saturday to be exact. I don't know what has happened to me, my life has been totally destroyed and turned upside down. I love[d] her so so much and we were almost best friends. But I havent cried much at all... I laugh and joke.. I forget that it has happened most of the time. I expect her to be up in bed [ she had cancer and was bedridden] but then it hits me that shes not and my heart hurts and I feel ill, but I dont cry.
What is wrong with me? Am I bad selfish daughter that I don't cry???
It physically hurts and I hate waking up in the morning to be faced with the truth, but I dont cry. It only hurts on the small occasions I remember it, how could I forget something like that?

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Kitty. Offline
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Re: My mama - July 11th 2010, 06:21 PM

Hey Mags,

It sounds like the fact that she is dead hasn't totally hit you yet. You said that you expect her to be up in bed.
You are definitely not a bad daughter and sometimes when things are really sad, people just don't cry. Some people rarely cry ever. Not crying doesn't make you a bad daughter.
I'm sorry that your mother died. PM me if you ever need to talk.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mama - July 11th 2010, 07:03 PM

When my grandmother died I didn't cry at all.
Everyone said Whats wrong with you? You should be crying.
I thought it was probably because it hadn't really hit me yet.
But once I was at her funeral and saw her body, I started bawling.
I think its just how some people work?
Maybe it just hasn't hit you yet, and one day your going to realize she's not coming back.
Your not alone though.
My condolances.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mama - July 12th 2010, 04:16 AM

Mags, you are absolutely not a "bad daughter" for not crying. Everyone has their own ways of expressing grief. It could be that the loss of her hasn't quite hit you yet - I, for example, was the only person in the house when my grandmother died, yet it didn't hit me that she was actually gone until about five years later.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and if you ever need anything at all, don't hesitate to contact me <3

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Re: My mama - July 12th 2010, 05:38 AM

When my mom died I did not cry too, and I felt exactly the same as you do - that I am stupid, and selfish. I just couldn't cry, i was shocked and couldn't believe what just happened, and mainly I didn't want anyone to see me crying. But, you should know that it is not selfishness at all - after the funeral I cried every night, I grieved silently in my own room, in bathroom. There was over a week when I cried every every night, for 3-4 hours a night.

These walls that I can't break down...
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Re: My mama - July 12th 2010, 05:40 AM

Give yourself a bit more time, you will cry when it's time - they say people grieve differently and I don't know how true that is but surely this is not your fault Hugs

These walls that I can't break down...
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mama - July 12th 2010, 07:04 AM

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I firmly believe that people grieve in various ways. Just because you haven't cried, it dosen't mean that you haven't grieved for your loss. It also dosen't make you a bad person either.

Hopefully, this helps you out some.

"People simply disappeared, always during the night. Your name was removed from the registers, every record of everything you had ever done was wiped out, your one-time existence was denied and then forgotten. You were abolished, annihilated: vaporized was the usual word."

George Orwell

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Re: My mama - July 12th 2010, 01:14 PM

it dosnt make you a bad person yet, everyone grievs difrently, and it might not of hit you yet...when my grandpa died, everyone was sad and crying and it didnt realy sink in, i kept thinking, 'everyones so sad. we should go see grandpa, that will cheer them up.' i didnt cry till the funeral, when i saw he was realy gone...

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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mama - July 13th 2010, 01:21 AM

every human has there own way to deal with pain this is ur is not bad
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mama - July 13th 2010, 03:01 AM

I've been there. Totally and completely been there.
My mother also had cancer and was bedridden. She died almost 2 years ago. And you don't have to put the "ed" after the word "love". You can still love her even though she's not physically here.
As far as the crying thing goes, I didn't cry until the funeral which was about 3 or 4 days after she died. That's when it hit me that my mother was gone.
If you ever need anything, I'm here for you. Feel free to PM me.

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Amber + Stephen ♥ 11.15.09
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